Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

MHS 5.5G Day 3

Hmm where to begin. Lots to go over, I think I will go over the things most related to the sub and work myself up from there. Still going to the restroom more than usual but not as much as the first day. I think most of the major Detox is over with. So body wise it feels like most of the script is in maintenance mode. Eating habits have also changed. I'm staying away from fast food for the most part, and if I do eat any its of the Asian or Hispanic variety. Can't drink regular soft drinks at my job like I use to. If I drink anything from their its either: Tea, Hi-c, or minute made. Even then those taste way too sweet for my liking. I did accidentally drink a strawberry frappacino today (It was left overs for what I made for a customer) and totally forgot about my new taste bugs as it were. Shit taste like diabetes in a cup. Couldn't even finish it, so I threw the rest out. I really wonder if most Americans realize how much sugar they are consuming or maybe they have drank it so long they have become DE-sensitized to it.

Sex drive has comeback to normal. I have for the longest time suspected that on DMSI my subconscious tanked my sex drive in order to not execute the script via the sniper. I believe that I was right. For example, There's this Arabic women who sits in front of me in English class. I have been quite interested in her for a long time, mostly for her character. Well, on Friday before class officially began she got up out of her chair to go and ask the teacher a question. Only thing is through the long black skirt she wore I could see through it and see her underwear and how it perfectly curved around her nice butt. I felt a rush of desire and just sat there and stared for a good 2 mins or so. I noticed this around campus as well. Would see a hot woman and have no problem staring at her body with desire. Feels good to have this working properly again.

Also, have noticed some strange psychic occurrences as well. I was pulling out of my parking space at university and made sure there was no cars coming either way. All of a sudden I get this "warning, danger" thought and turn around. There was a car coming out of a area that sees way less traffic then other places around. Another incident was on Friday night at work. I was standing around listening to some of my co-workers and managers talk. All of a sudden, there was like this "spider sense" where I felt like someone was coming from behind me. I didn't' see anyone at first but like 4 seconds later one of my co-workers walked from behind me and past me. Don't know what this is but it is interesting. Its like I can either sense dangerous situations or sense someone's presence before I see them.

Now, for the personality thing that I'm thinking everyone is wondering about. Assimilation completed early this morning. I don't think I "mined" that much from the previous (or copping) personality. Only about 20 % I would wager, the other 80% seemed somewhat toxic probably so it got thrown out. So, when I think about myself some of it has a "familiar" feel to it but the rest seems new or original. I don't sense "it" anywhere, not even the void. Though I should mention something else about the "void". I realized this while I started thinking about what I was going to type for this post. I didn't feel a void at first but when I concentrated on it "slightly" it appeared. I have found out it is something my subconscious has deemed necessary as a temporary (maybe even long term) healthy copping mechanism. Essentially, I can create it anytime I want and throw a memory (or event) into it and it will be cleared of any toxicity that would affect me negatively and then be re-assimilated.

I'm also pretty sure the original personality hasn't developed past age 12 or so. In a way this is good, means future sub use will be more effective since I'm basically a "Clean slate" as it were. This does mean I will have to find the ways to deal with "crappy people" (As shannon said) that I didn't learn at that age. AM6 would be a prime candidate but I want something more powerful so I will probably run DMSI 3.1A when it comes out. I think the things in Goal #2 will help out nicely here:

To support goal #1, we have to develop, enhance and improve your self esteem, self respect, sense of self worth, self liking, self love, self validation, deservingness, self support, self confidence, self image, overcome fear, guilt and shame (yes, it has the entire script of E2’s OGSF and self validation modules in it [V2.0 and later], although it is modified to not disrupt the goals of this program) and so forth.

I will probably run AM7 whenever that comes out though. Don't want to go through again what I did for the last almost 15 years. I did notice in those rare instances where things might have gotten "stressful" (though I handled those pretty well regardless) that a certain part of my brain felt kinda of sore. So, I definitely will need to find even more automatic way of dealing with crappy people (Through DMSI 3.1 and then later on AM7).

Now, for something that I find really important. I believe I know how the reality bending feels like. I've been trying to place what is different about my perception over the last few days. I realized it was that I was perceiving something different about reality but I didn't quite know what it is. Its like its staring me straight in the face but I don't recognize it. The feeling has been one of a contradiction essentially. I feel like "I am here, but I am not here at the same time. I am fully present and aware but at the same time I am not". It also feels like I am truly perceiving reality for the first time. This feeling has somewhat gone down since day 2 but it is still there. I also reasoned today that my idea about how the universe works and operates was faulty and I need to correct that. Science itself is but one way of receiving knowledge but it isn't the only way to knowledge.

Lastly, related to this I feel like people have been acting differently around me lately. Its like they really want to talk to me and get me involved in conversations. Also, I have noticed them giving me glances every once in a while. I feel like they are perplexed by me. Like I am some "glitch" in the matrix. I also talked to the co-worker that I use to be interested in today. She seemed to be very helpful today and interested in having me talk to her. I would talk to her sometimes but other times I would just do my own thing even though I kinda of felt from her energy that she wanted me to talk to her at times. I did tell her about my personality fracture and re-assimilation (I left out details about subliminals and the other stuff). This conversation was really revealing. She didn't freaky out or anything and seemed genuinely interested. She revealed that she had been a different person at a early age as well but she changed for the worst because of the "bullying" at school and what not. That's when I realized it. The reason why the previous personality was interested in her was because she was on the same wavelength would could say. It sensed that she had been hurt in some of the same ways and carried some of the same anger. She even said she had become more emotionally unstable and violent to a degree. This would also explain more of my lack of interest now, me and her are not on the same radio frequency anymore. She is still damaged, I am not. This makes me give more credence to Shannon's radio frequency analogy.

Anyway, I think that is about all for now. You guys have a nice day!