02-24-2017, 07:31 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-24-2017, 07:44 PM by destinedtochange.)
Today, I ended up raising the volume to 50 / 60 on my Insignia receiver. I don't know if I felt any difference with raising the volume on that device.
At work, again the continuining affects of EPHRA still had a hold on me; what I mean is didn't care about receiving attention felt neutral and didnt mind nor craved it. Also, I guess I make comments in my section where I work and don't care if I get acknowledged for it....but it isnt loud and clear, it is like low tone to myself still kind of shy sort of comments like I want to break through from that and become extroverted.
However where I still am lacking is communication skills and having a sense of humor: ability to make anyone laugh on demand. I try to make comments and try to be funny but am not laughed with nor even chuckled. The pretty girl that I wanted to be friends with did make one random comment toward me, it was unexpected and dont know why she did that.
Sometimes I look at these women (yes there are officially now 4 women at my call center) and I am like thinking to myself, "man if you only knew what I knew when it comes to things like DMSI that I can make you want me" with their attitudes and perceptions of me that I would never be such a guy.....kinda felt good to know this fact. Maybe I might do it just for them to get their lady boners on lol shit even if one is fat n ugly, mostly have bfs and hubbies, etc..(yes I stole that from the guy that thought of the phrase!).
I cant make these people laugh on demand would be a good skillset to have.......one of the ladies toward the end left with making a common sense statement......I only wish I could have fun with smartass sarcastic responses.....instead of saying something along the lines of "yes maam I wont forget"........I mean I dont want them to be my partners sexually but at least enjoy talking with them with a sense of humor and not me being this quiet shy guy being "polite and respectful" to them. But I didnt care to be acknowledged with my acquaintances at work.....didnt even care for a hi. I was happy and neutral......nonetheless I was still afraid and feared to make comments and join in on the topic confidently.....that part still needs to be worked on with me; fear of commenting of rejection or being taken seriously and fear of sarcasm....I want to have good relationships with these people but lack of communication skills, sense of humor, and fear are my barricades.
At work, on the phone as a cold calling telemarketer, I ended up getting customers that asked me to calll them back and make it look like that they never did want me to call them......I was in a mode of frustration and really got pissed off and started getting angry with people fucking with me whether intentionally or unintentionally to want svcs but then act like they dont; but anyway I was getting upset where they pushed me to frustration and I think I had to raise my voice.....EPHRA didnt keep me calm on this playing field situation. But I was definitely getting upset and frustrated.
However I felt very happy as I was driving home, being happy and joking with myself sounding all hyper and I think I even commented to strangers in my happy mode and rhythm...its gota be EPHRA....you just dont go home driving happily and all cheery after a day of not laughing with your co workers and joking around and being popular and feeling loved being viewed as this unfun boring guy that doesnt ever talk like a hermit......instead with these characteristics I should be depressed and having the blues but nope, I was cheery and being funny in my own mind...come to think of it I can think of funny things only to myself that I am afraid of sharing in the real world....irrational fears could be to blame.....but thats how I felt as I was driving, EPHRA is to be credited for this.
Today I finally got my new amplifier in the mail cant wait to try it out tonight with the US tone EPHRA. Still waiting on the sleepphones too.
At work, again the continuining affects of EPHRA still had a hold on me; what I mean is didn't care about receiving attention felt neutral and didnt mind nor craved it. Also, I guess I make comments in my section where I work and don't care if I get acknowledged for it....but it isnt loud and clear, it is like low tone to myself still kind of shy sort of comments like I want to break through from that and become extroverted.
However where I still am lacking is communication skills and having a sense of humor: ability to make anyone laugh on demand. I try to make comments and try to be funny but am not laughed with nor even chuckled. The pretty girl that I wanted to be friends with did make one random comment toward me, it was unexpected and dont know why she did that.
Sometimes I look at these women (yes there are officially now 4 women at my call center) and I am like thinking to myself, "man if you only knew what I knew when it comes to things like DMSI that I can make you want me" with their attitudes and perceptions of me that I would never be such a guy.....kinda felt good to know this fact. Maybe I might do it just for them to get their lady boners on lol shit even if one is fat n ugly, mostly have bfs and hubbies, etc..(yes I stole that from the guy that thought of the phrase!).
I cant make these people laugh on demand would be a good skillset to have.......one of the ladies toward the end left with making a common sense statement......I only wish I could have fun with smartass sarcastic responses.....instead of saying something along the lines of "yes maam I wont forget"........I mean I dont want them to be my partners sexually but at least enjoy talking with them with a sense of humor and not me being this quiet shy guy being "polite and respectful" to them. But I didnt care to be acknowledged with my acquaintances at work.....didnt even care for a hi. I was happy and neutral......nonetheless I was still afraid and feared to make comments and join in on the topic confidently.....that part still needs to be worked on with me; fear of commenting of rejection or being taken seriously and fear of sarcasm....I want to have good relationships with these people but lack of communication skills, sense of humor, and fear are my barricades.
At work, on the phone as a cold calling telemarketer, I ended up getting customers that asked me to calll them back and make it look like that they never did want me to call them......I was in a mode of frustration and really got pissed off and started getting angry with people fucking with me whether intentionally or unintentionally to want svcs but then act like they dont; but anyway I was getting upset where they pushed me to frustration and I think I had to raise my voice.....EPHRA didnt keep me calm on this playing field situation. But I was definitely getting upset and frustrated.
However I felt very happy as I was driving home, being happy and joking with myself sounding all hyper and I think I even commented to strangers in my happy mode and rhythm...its gota be EPHRA....you just dont go home driving happily and all cheery after a day of not laughing with your co workers and joking around and being popular and feeling loved being viewed as this unfun boring guy that doesnt ever talk like a hermit......instead with these characteristics I should be depressed and having the blues but nope, I was cheery and being funny in my own mind...come to think of it I can think of funny things only to myself that I am afraid of sharing in the real world....irrational fears could be to blame.....but thats how I felt as I was driving, EPHRA is to be credited for this.
Today I finally got my new amplifier in the mail cant wait to try it out tonight with the US tone EPHRA. Still waiting on the sleepphones too.
