Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

So after a while I withdrew even further. Basically, I went to school and drew as less attention to myself as possible and then came home and basically locked myself in my room. I mostly just sat in my room, played video games, day dreamed, and listened to music. So basically, I had to deal with tearing down other people "A-holes" at school and a career oriented Feminazi mom at home. I learned the best way to deal with all this was to draw as less attention to myself as possible. There lies in the problem. It doesn't want to co-operate because a fear that has been instilled in me for years. If it executes the program fully that means I draw attention to myself and my subconscious associates drawing a lot of attention myself with : Ridicule, being made fun of, being teared down, and the emotional pain associated with all those things.

***** hell man... it's like you just described me back at school. My mum doesn't sound extreme like a feminazi type like that but my parents were way too overprotective which has caused it's own issues for me.

The rest though I was like "damn.."

And sometimes when I do start getting attention which has happened a few times on different subliminals, the first thing I seem to think is they are looking at me because somethings wrong with me, or that I look funny or whatever. That's even what I thought on the weekend when several girls were staring at me. And usually some type of fear shuts it down after not long which sucks. I hope DMSI can get through that for me.

Thanks for the reply. Somewhat good to know I'm not the only one on this forum who has gone through something like this. I think I'm having a similar fear response to what you are saying except for in my case the fear is so strong it won't even give the script the chance to execute properly. Yeah, I might get some effects from "old people" (in other words people I don't care about anyway) while completely ignoring anyone I might be interested in. I do get the "feeling" that my mind is finding creative ways to try to resist the instructions or at least distract from them. I haven't had anything headache related for quite a while now but I feel like it might being trying another way to resist or distract from listening.

I notice this morning that I got a really big feeling of fear out of nowhere (usually a sign that that there's a internal struggle going on and that a episode is about to happen) and then 30 mins later I started to get very, very nauseous. Then a little bit after that everything just went back to normal. Then the same thing happened later this evening. Granted the one in the evening happened because I got news about another women I was interested in who I had been slowly trying to charm (with auto-pilot). Apparently, didn't get me anywhere because shes more interested in the the new guy who showed up at work. I started to get frustrated with myself because I know if I would just follow the instructions (particularly having to due with the aura) I wouldn't be striking out with the women I'm actually interested in but my subconscious is just too darn afraid (Because of the reasons I've listed) to want to co-operate. Anyway, shortly after this I started getting the nauseous feeling again but then it went away after a while.

I'm starting to think instead of the headache route my mind is going the "make him feel very very sick so we don't have to comply" route. I only think this because its become less headache route (when I was getting actual internal shifts in beliefs still) and more "make him sick and Nauseous" route (get insights as to "why" but no actual internal shifts from what I've seen so far). It feels like it has adapted to find ways to resist. Overall though I do like this version though. At least in this version I'm getting "Yeah, we aren't doing that and here's why" which is way more than what a lot of the other versions did for me. Hopefully 3.1 works out well since I remember that version will have something to not let the subconscious use "sickness" as a resistence tactic and I think I read some where it will be more adaptable as far as anti resistence tech goes. Which is something I feel like I need because this is getting ridiculous in the way my subconscious is finding ways to resist and sabotage my efforts.