01-05-2017, 07:14 AM
Well, crap did go down last night.
Got another bout of resistence out of no where. Was sitting listening to music and all of a sudden I started feeling the resistence come on. For me it seems to be: Emotional distress going on in my head (whether I can pinpoint specific emotions seems to be random)> Body starts to weaken significantly> Start to feel like I'm going to "toss my cookies". Luckily, It feels like the resistence is running out of ammunition. I've noticed with each of these episodes they seem to get less "intense" as they happen. They are still bad and I can't remember critically think or talk coherently all that much but each one is starting to get more manageable. hopefully it will get less intense because literally for the past week and half my brain has been "sore" 24/7. It doesn't feel like it has recuperated or healed as much, its been sore that entire time. I was introspective again during this time but some of it I can't remember.
One thing I do remember though that I thought about during and later that night was my understanding of women and what type of woman do I actually want. This did make me realize something about that chick who I am now "not" currently interested in anymore. The reason she started sending mixed signals ,after all those cock block incidents, wasn't because she was afraid to progress any further cause of social stigmatization and I just needed to give a little more charm to get her where I wanted. No, after those incidents she made a conscious decision of "well, I'm not going to pursue this anymore but I do like the attention so I will just show a little interest sometimes in order to give him a little bit of hope". I kinda of put this down to my lack of experience with women. Yes, "sometimes" mixed signals, after she was interested before, "might" mean that shes simply afraid of her reputation or something but more than likely its women doing the whole "carrot on a stick" strategy. They do it to get something out of you (attention, favors, etc) while not giving anything else of "real" value in return. Low and behold, as if the universe was trying to confirm what I already believed I get a text from her a few hours later.
Can you guess what the text was about? If you guessed "wanting a favor" you would be correct. She had told me that earlier this week that she would be off on Saturday and Sunday to hang out with friends, unfortunately for her I guess her request got denied. So of course who do you think she came to asking if they could take her shifts? Psh, as if I would do that. I simply ignored the text and have no intentions of responding. I'm no one's orbiter, better go find someone else. After downgrading her from someone interested in to friend I think I'm going to downgrade her further to just acquaintance. I might still talk to her during work for my own amusement but outside of work I'm not really interested in being in her presence.
I don't see this as too bad a experience, I just see it as a learning experience that will help me in the future. Funny enough, later on the night I got introspective again and started comparing this chick to the redhead that I wrote about in my women magnet journal. The red head was extroverted from the get go and had no problems letting you know to your face what she thought. She came from a still "intact" home and even though she made bad choices earlier in life she seemed to be on her way to correcting them. Also, at the time all I was doing was being my authentic self at the time with boundaries setup (I had just finished AM6 two months earlier) and she saw something of value and was willing to offer me sexual favors off the bat.
In comparison, this chick came from a one parent household. Which tells me either (1) her father died (not very likely), (2) her mother divorced him for a good reason(abuse, etc) in which case she probably has a very low opinion of men, or (3) She divorced him on a whim (got bored, wasn't feeling it anymore, etc) in which case she sees men as disposable (Most likely scenario). From what I had heard of about her mother from the women in question, option 3 seems like the most probably which in case her daughter probably picked up the same attitude. Also, from what I can tell she wasn't very popular in high school but as soon as she got in the "real world" she started getting all this male attention (mostly beta anime and video game nerds) and it would seem she started making up for lost times during high school (no male attention) and general childhood (no genuine male attention from a father figure).
Now, I'm not trying to psycho analyze this too much just trying to give you an idea of where my mind is headed. After all this I just realized when comparing the 2 I would have choose the redhead without a doubt. She was outspoken, straightforward, and fun to be around. The other girl was exciting and her energy was highly infectious but she had all these other red flags. The redhead not so much though I have no doubt that she gave lots of shit tests and she was one of those women if you were not a man on your "mission" she wouldn't even bother with you. All in all I think this episode this time was about what I really wanted from a woman and what kinda of criteria I should have met. I know there were other things that were brought up but I can't remember them. When I get in one of those moments my self awareness can be kinda of low.
Ah, wait I just remembered now. Another thing was why the aura kept on trying to project on this chick. You could say it was the conscious sniper in affect but I remember I started talking to this chick during either version 2.2 or 2.4 I think and the auto-pilot was in affect even then. While I was pondering this I was wondering "Hmm what if this was a case of reverse resistence (I think that's what Shannon called it). What if my subconscious wanted to sniped this particular girl just so it could end badly so my subconscious could say, "See! I told you the old beliefs are correct. This is why we don't deal with women like this. They are unreliable, untrustworthy , and dangerous like I told ya". I am wondering if this is what might have happened. For further clarification, on Tuesday when I worked with her I didn't feel the aura trying to project at all or get any strange feelings like previously. The night previously is when I had that nightmarish resistance and afterwards I was pretty much over her. Interestingly, what I didn't mention was while the resistence was on its last legs it tried to play the whole ,"I rather die then change" line. Luckily, I had read Shannon talk to someone about this before in another thread and recognized this tactic for what it was. My Question is Shannon, is do you have any strategies or 6 tech you can put into 3.1 that are effective against reverse resistence?(if indeed this is what it was).
Anyway, that's all for now. Old beliefs are going down it would seem but they aren't going down without a fight. I just hope it doesn't go on too long. Getting kinda of tired of this resistence physically weakening me and making me nauseous so much. Will keep on updating every once in while to hopefully give feedback to make this work.
P.S. Almost forgot resistence has been using tricky underhanded methods as well. For two days I have only manage to get in 2 loops per day because I had "thought" I set my clock at the right time but each time I had calculated wrong (this after calculating it for mins at a time). Also, the other day I only got 2 loops in because I got up at the right time, laid down again for a second to gather the strength to get up and turn to loops on, only to find out that an hour had already passed -__-'''
Got another bout of resistence out of no where. Was sitting listening to music and all of a sudden I started feeling the resistence come on. For me it seems to be: Emotional distress going on in my head (whether I can pinpoint specific emotions seems to be random)> Body starts to weaken significantly> Start to feel like I'm going to "toss my cookies". Luckily, It feels like the resistence is running out of ammunition. I've noticed with each of these episodes they seem to get less "intense" as they happen. They are still bad and I can't remember critically think or talk coherently all that much but each one is starting to get more manageable. hopefully it will get less intense because literally for the past week and half my brain has been "sore" 24/7. It doesn't feel like it has recuperated or healed as much, its been sore that entire time. I was introspective again during this time but some of it I can't remember.
One thing I do remember though that I thought about during and later that night was my understanding of women and what type of woman do I actually want. This did make me realize something about that chick who I am now "not" currently interested in anymore. The reason she started sending mixed signals ,after all those cock block incidents, wasn't because she was afraid to progress any further cause of social stigmatization and I just needed to give a little more charm to get her where I wanted. No, after those incidents she made a conscious decision of "well, I'm not going to pursue this anymore but I do like the attention so I will just show a little interest sometimes in order to give him a little bit of hope". I kinda of put this down to my lack of experience with women. Yes, "sometimes" mixed signals, after she was interested before, "might" mean that shes simply afraid of her reputation or something but more than likely its women doing the whole "carrot on a stick" strategy. They do it to get something out of you (attention, favors, etc) while not giving anything else of "real" value in return. Low and behold, as if the universe was trying to confirm what I already believed I get a text from her a few hours later.
Can you guess what the text was about? If you guessed "wanting a favor" you would be correct. She had told me that earlier this week that she would be off on Saturday and Sunday to hang out with friends, unfortunately for her I guess her request got denied. So of course who do you think she came to asking if they could take her shifts? Psh, as if I would do that. I simply ignored the text and have no intentions of responding. I'm no one's orbiter, better go find someone else. After downgrading her from someone interested in to friend I think I'm going to downgrade her further to just acquaintance. I might still talk to her during work for my own amusement but outside of work I'm not really interested in being in her presence.
I don't see this as too bad a experience, I just see it as a learning experience that will help me in the future. Funny enough, later on the night I got introspective again and started comparing this chick to the redhead that I wrote about in my women magnet journal. The red head was extroverted from the get go and had no problems letting you know to your face what she thought. She came from a still "intact" home and even though she made bad choices earlier in life she seemed to be on her way to correcting them. Also, at the time all I was doing was being my authentic self at the time with boundaries setup (I had just finished AM6 two months earlier) and she saw something of value and was willing to offer me sexual favors off the bat.
In comparison, this chick came from a one parent household. Which tells me either (1) her father died (not very likely), (2) her mother divorced him for a good reason(abuse, etc) in which case she probably has a very low opinion of men, or (3) She divorced him on a whim (got bored, wasn't feeling it anymore, etc) in which case she sees men as disposable (Most likely scenario). From what I had heard of about her mother from the women in question, option 3 seems like the most probably which in case her daughter probably picked up the same attitude. Also, from what I can tell she wasn't very popular in high school but as soon as she got in the "real world" she started getting all this male attention (mostly beta anime and video game nerds) and it would seem she started making up for lost times during high school (no male attention) and general childhood (no genuine male attention from a father figure).
Now, I'm not trying to psycho analyze this too much just trying to give you an idea of where my mind is headed. After all this I just realized when comparing the 2 I would have choose the redhead without a doubt. She was outspoken, straightforward, and fun to be around. The other girl was exciting and her energy was highly infectious but she had all these other red flags. The redhead not so much though I have no doubt that she gave lots of shit tests and she was one of those women if you were not a man on your "mission" she wouldn't even bother with you. All in all I think this episode this time was about what I really wanted from a woman and what kinda of criteria I should have met. I know there were other things that were brought up but I can't remember them. When I get in one of those moments my self awareness can be kinda of low.
Ah, wait I just remembered now. Another thing was why the aura kept on trying to project on this chick. You could say it was the conscious sniper in affect but I remember I started talking to this chick during either version 2.2 or 2.4 I think and the auto-pilot was in affect even then. While I was pondering this I was wondering "Hmm what if this was a case of reverse resistence (I think that's what Shannon called it). What if my subconscious wanted to sniped this particular girl just so it could end badly so my subconscious could say, "See! I told you the old beliefs are correct. This is why we don't deal with women like this. They are unreliable, untrustworthy , and dangerous like I told ya". I am wondering if this is what might have happened. For further clarification, on Tuesday when I worked with her I didn't feel the aura trying to project at all or get any strange feelings like previously. The night previously is when I had that nightmarish resistance and afterwards I was pretty much over her. Interestingly, what I didn't mention was while the resistence was on its last legs it tried to play the whole ,"I rather die then change" line. Luckily, I had read Shannon talk to someone about this before in another thread and recognized this tactic for what it was. My Question is Shannon, is do you have any strategies or 6 tech you can put into 3.1 that are effective against reverse resistence?(if indeed this is what it was).
Anyway, that's all for now. Old beliefs are going down it would seem but they aren't going down without a fight. I just hope it doesn't go on too long. Getting kinda of tired of this resistence physically weakening me and making me nauseous so much. Will keep on updating every once in while to hopefully give feedback to make this work.
P.S. Almost forgot resistence has been using tricky underhanded methods as well. For two days I have only manage to get in 2 loops per day because I had "thought" I set my clock at the right time but each time I had calculated wrong (this after calculating it for mins at a time). Also, the other day I only got 2 loops in because I got up at the right time, laid down again for a second to gather the strength to get up and turn to loops on, only to find out that an hour had already passed -__-'''
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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