12-29-2016, 11:06 PM
v3b is triggering the f*ck out of me. It's bringing up some very old and painful memories regarding a verbally and emotionally abusive ex from roughly eight years ago. I was still a hapless little beta boy back then, and I thought her abuse was the result of emotional distress that I could heal with my money (I was making six figures) and love. She systematically began denying me sex until we had a dead bedroom for roughly two months.
The last time we had sex, she cried afterward and said that she felt "taken advantage of." Fortunately, I'm still a rational and I took that as a sign to bail from the relationship, so I presented her with an ultimatum to either work out our issues and become sexually intimate again, or break up.
I anticipated that she'd choose the latter, so I ended up sneaking all of my sh*t out of her condo while she was at work. That night, when she broke up with me, I was just like, "cool" and moved on. It wasn't until later that she realized that I took the XBox 360 and Wii, the bike, laptop, etc. that she suddenly wanted to "be friends" and hang out. I was like screw that and just stopped talking to her. It was around that time that I started reading the manosphere and learning where I f*cked up.
Thinking back at how cruel she was (not gonna go into detail) has me feeling very VIOLENT right now. Like, if I were to run into her, or anyone else (man or woman) who decided they were going to disrespect me, I'd punch their f*cking head off and dare any white knight to jump in.
I don't feel like a victim right now. More like, "I'm going to burn down everything before I let you win." This is why I get so riled up when people start questioning my results, or claiming I'm imagining the changes. They don't know what I've been through. They don't know my struggles. And I don't expect them (or anyone else) to care, because society preaches that as men, we should handle everything without a single complaint. Which of course, many men are willing to do, except it requires a certain amount of aggressiveness, which society has deemed "toxic masculinity."
See the dilemma? I ask for help and get disrespected. I handle my sh*t and get disrespected. And they're wondering why men are imploding and going off the rails these days?
The fact of the matter is: I will not tolerate anyone's bullshit disrespect. I won't have it in my life. I can't force you to respect me. But I won't allow you to disrespect me. The way I feel right now, I'll shove my fist down your throat if you try. Don't tempt me.
[/ end resistance rant]
P.S. I'll read this in the morning and be like omg wtf???
The last time we had sex, she cried afterward and said that she felt "taken advantage of." Fortunately, I'm still a rational and I took that as a sign to bail from the relationship, so I presented her with an ultimatum to either work out our issues and become sexually intimate again, or break up.
I anticipated that she'd choose the latter, so I ended up sneaking all of my sh*t out of her condo while she was at work. That night, when she broke up with me, I was just like, "cool" and moved on. It wasn't until later that she realized that I took the XBox 360 and Wii, the bike, laptop, etc. that she suddenly wanted to "be friends" and hang out. I was like screw that and just stopped talking to her. It was around that time that I started reading the manosphere and learning where I f*cked up.
Thinking back at how cruel she was (not gonna go into detail) has me feeling very VIOLENT right now. Like, if I were to run into her, or anyone else (man or woman) who decided they were going to disrespect me, I'd punch their f*cking head off and dare any white knight to jump in.
I don't feel like a victim right now. More like, "I'm going to burn down everything before I let you win." This is why I get so riled up when people start questioning my results, or claiming I'm imagining the changes. They don't know what I've been through. They don't know my struggles. And I don't expect them (or anyone else) to care, because society preaches that as men, we should handle everything without a single complaint. Which of course, many men are willing to do, except it requires a certain amount of aggressiveness, which society has deemed "toxic masculinity."
See the dilemma? I ask for help and get disrespected. I handle my sh*t and get disrespected. And they're wondering why men are imploding and going off the rails these days?
The fact of the matter is: I will not tolerate anyone's bullshit disrespect. I won't have it in my life. I can't force you to respect me. But I won't allow you to disrespect me. The way I feel right now, I'll shove my fist down your throat if you try. Don't tempt me.
[/ end resistance rant]
P.S. I'll read this in the morning and be like omg wtf???
