Day 18
Had a very.. interesting dream.
I felt completely stuck and like i was suffocating with my family (in real life). Now, in the dream, i constantly fought with them.
Every time they tried to control me in any way, or put me down in any way, i exploded aggressively and responded firmly with "no".
It even escalated with me making huge tirades why they are completely wrong and why i don't give a f***, and why they are at fault.
On the other hand, in reality, i've been much more decisive in my talks with my family over Skype (since i live away now.. i've grown so much more in 1 month than in a year living there!). Every time they try to order me to do something, i tell them firmly "no, i will do what i want, and i'll do it when i want".
Maybe this is funny to some of you, but it feels really liberating. I'm not going to suppress myself when i'm around my family (which i always used to do.. maybe because of childhood traumas and depression.. either way, doesn't matter, i'm getting over it).
The realizations from before seem to have internalized and faded away a little. I didn't interact with girls much (relaxing weekend!), so will see what effect will the dominant internalization have.
It seems that the dream i had is allowing more of my dominant self to break through. I love it!
Had a very.. interesting dream.
I felt completely stuck and like i was suffocating with my family (in real life). Now, in the dream, i constantly fought with them.
Every time they tried to control me in any way, or put me down in any way, i exploded aggressively and responded firmly with "no".
It even escalated with me making huge tirades why they are completely wrong and why i don't give a f***, and why they are at fault.
On the other hand, in reality, i've been much more decisive in my talks with my family over Skype (since i live away now.. i've grown so much more in 1 month than in a year living there!). Every time they try to order me to do something, i tell them firmly "no, i will do what i want, and i'll do it when i want".
Maybe this is funny to some of you, but it feels really liberating. I'm not going to suppress myself when i'm around my family (which i always used to do.. maybe because of childhood traumas and depression.. either way, doesn't matter, i'm getting over it).
The realizations from before seem to have internalized and faded away a little. I didn't interact with girls much (relaxing weekend!), so will see what effect will the dominant internalization have.
It seems that the dream i had is allowing more of my dominant self to break through. I love it!
