Glad you liked it. It's funny but at the same time I've interacted with guys who have a tendency push this type of dogma.
Anyway a quick update with how I'm doing. I've been practicing gratitude again. I fell off that habit, but I'm back to it. Been reading more of reality transurfing and I'm just focusing on keeping up with the good vibes. Been taking the seriousness out of life lately and just focusing on enjoying all it has to offer. That means less time on these forums, when I'm on here too much there's a tendency to start comparing myself to everyone else and that's no good for me.
Overall I've just been trying to be easier with myself and it's been working out better. That includes this journey with E2. There's a certain part of me that wants to heal all my issues and just be a more functional person purely for the sake of not being ashamed of who I am. But motivation by shame is never good, so I need to leave that behind and show myself the compassion I deserve regardless of where I am in life. It definitely still feels strange being kind to myself, but I think I'm getting better at it. There's a tendency to believe if I'm not pushing myself all the time I'll just be lazy, but ironically all that pushing is what causes my anxiety which causes all the procrastination.
Also one more thing. I realize I've built up a lot of walls. My primary defense in life is to reject myself before others can. It's led to a lot of self loathing and belief that I'm a terrible person. I push people away a lot, I tend to not see my own value in relationships, and in general just makes me far more closed off to everyone in my life than I'd like to be. I know going through life not liking yourself is no way to be, but it really hit me today that I need this to change.
Anyway a quick update with how I'm doing. I've been practicing gratitude again. I fell off that habit, but I'm back to it. Been reading more of reality transurfing and I'm just focusing on keeping up with the good vibes. Been taking the seriousness out of life lately and just focusing on enjoying all it has to offer. That means less time on these forums, when I'm on here too much there's a tendency to start comparing myself to everyone else and that's no good for me.
Overall I've just been trying to be easier with myself and it's been working out better. That includes this journey with E2. There's a certain part of me that wants to heal all my issues and just be a more functional person purely for the sake of not being ashamed of who I am. But motivation by shame is never good, so I need to leave that behind and show myself the compassion I deserve regardless of where I am in life. It definitely still feels strange being kind to myself, but I think I'm getting better at it. There's a tendency to believe if I'm not pushing myself all the time I'll just be lazy, but ironically all that pushing is what causes my anxiety which causes all the procrastination.
Also one more thing. I realize I've built up a lot of walls. My primary defense in life is to reject myself before others can. It's led to a lot of self loathing and belief that I'm a terrible person. I push people away a lot, I tend to not see my own value in relationships, and in general just makes me far more closed off to everyone in my life than I'd like to be. I know going through life not liking yourself is no way to be, but it really hit me today that I need this to change.
