10-11-2016, 05:28 AM
So yesterday I had work and I felt like all the customers I had were unusually friendly with me, along with my coworkers. Something just felt different, I wasn't my usual closed off guarded self. Something I noticed is I'm still uncomfortable when people like me. And I have this paranoia that other people just talk about me behind my back. But I'm seeing now that's just a result of my insecurities about myself. I still have a hard time believing people can genuinely like me as a person, probably because I'm always so caught up in my flaws.
Anyway I've backed off on the hours again with E2. Today my head feels clearer. That's the best way to describe it. Before it felt like I had an angry hornets nest up in my head and couldn't focus on anything. I've been back and forth with this a lot, but now I'm pretty convinced I need less hours of E2 not more. A few days ago I got a lot of exposure to the sub in hopes of mentally breaking myself or pushing past whatever sticking point I hit. But it made me realize there's a point of diminishing returns, after a while when my mind has had enough it just withdraws and freezes up. And that withdrawn state tends to effect every aspect of my life so I'm better off not pushing it with this sub.
Also noticed creative decisions with my music is a lot easier. I guess I really was overtaxing my brain and I didn't have the mental energy to do anything else. I underestimated how demanding E2 can be on the brain. Lesson learned.
Anyway I've backed off on the hours again with E2. Today my head feels clearer. That's the best way to describe it. Before it felt like I had an angry hornets nest up in my head and couldn't focus on anything. I've been back and forth with this a lot, but now I'm pretty convinced I need less hours of E2 not more. A few days ago I got a lot of exposure to the sub in hopes of mentally breaking myself or pushing past whatever sticking point I hit. But it made me realize there's a point of diminishing returns, after a while when my mind has had enough it just withdraws and freezes up. And that withdrawn state tends to effect every aspect of my life so I'm better off not pushing it with this sub.
Also noticed creative decisions with my music is a lot easier. I guess I really was overtaxing my brain and I didn't have the mental energy to do anything else. I underestimated how demanding E2 can be on the brain. Lesson learned.
