Day 34.
Resistance again. Seems like a normal thing for me now. It's getting to the point where it's affecting my day-to-day schedule. I don't want to work. Don't want to box. Don't want to do anything except sleep. Don't even feel like eating. I have a constant tension headache, so it's obvious that I'm resisting the hell out of this program, maybe to the point of stonewalling. At least, that's what I'm afraid of. It seems like the people that are truly stonewalling the program claim they aren't feeling anything, not even headaches or depression. Just, nothing. Honestly, I don't believe any of those claims. I feel like they're letting their antagonistic skepticism get the best of them, hamstering away any results as just coincidence or "not enough proof" to believe. But whatever, not my problem.
My problem is whatever I'm resisting. I really hope it's the clearing modules trying to get me to let go of my distrust for women. Otherwise, I'm going to be quite irritated. At who? No idea -- probably everything. It's a bit ridiculous that I resist a script that tells me to self-validate. To love myself. To have self-esteem. What kind of world do we live in where it's standard practice to break down people's egos so that they think less of themselves?
The answer is: The universe is uncaring. It doesn't give a fuck. It relentlessly pursues perfection and if that means a bunch of bags of water and skin have to feel like lil' bitches, that's what will happen.
So, this morning, I made a promise to myself that I'll push forward toward excellence in everything that I do. Anything that feels painful, I'll confront and face it and move past it. There's a line in Eminem's song "Phenomenal" that I'm really fucking feeling right now:
With every ounce of my blood
With every breath in my lungs
Won't stop until I'm phe-no-menal
I am phenomenal
However long that it takes
I'll go to whatever lengths
It's gonna make me a monster though
I am phenomenal
But I would never say, ‘Oh, it’s impossible’
Cause I'm born to be phenomenal
Ya'll mofos can sit here and let women take a mile from you if you want. I'm going to be rich, a badass martial artist, living the life of my dreams. Twenty pages of pain and struggle in this journal. The lone woman likes the one post that would benefit her.
Well, I'm sorry ladies. While I won't walk around calling women "walking vaginas," which prompted Shannon to take action, I will say this: THIS particular journal ain't for ya'll. And THIS particular person couldn't care less about what you think about that, or me for that matter.
#KanyeShrug
lol. Welcome to modern society.
Resistance again. Seems like a normal thing for me now. It's getting to the point where it's affecting my day-to-day schedule. I don't want to work. Don't want to box. Don't want to do anything except sleep. Don't even feel like eating. I have a constant tension headache, so it's obvious that I'm resisting the hell out of this program, maybe to the point of stonewalling. At least, that's what I'm afraid of. It seems like the people that are truly stonewalling the program claim they aren't feeling anything, not even headaches or depression. Just, nothing. Honestly, I don't believe any of those claims. I feel like they're letting their antagonistic skepticism get the best of them, hamstering away any results as just coincidence or "not enough proof" to believe. But whatever, not my problem.
My problem is whatever I'm resisting. I really hope it's the clearing modules trying to get me to let go of my distrust for women. Otherwise, I'm going to be quite irritated. At who? No idea -- probably everything. It's a bit ridiculous that I resist a script that tells me to self-validate. To love myself. To have self-esteem. What kind of world do we live in where it's standard practice to break down people's egos so that they think less of themselves?
The answer is: The universe is uncaring. It doesn't give a fuck. It relentlessly pursues perfection and if that means a bunch of bags of water and skin have to feel like lil' bitches, that's what will happen.
So, this morning, I made a promise to myself that I'll push forward toward excellence in everything that I do. Anything that feels painful, I'll confront and face it and move past it. There's a line in Eminem's song "Phenomenal" that I'm really fucking feeling right now:
With every ounce of my blood
With every breath in my lungs
Won't stop until I'm phe-no-menal
I am phenomenal
However long that it takes
I'll go to whatever lengths
It's gonna make me a monster though
I am phenomenal
But I would never say, ‘Oh, it’s impossible’
Cause I'm born to be phenomenal
Ya'll mofos can sit here and let women take a mile from you if you want. I'm going to be rich, a badass martial artist, living the life of my dreams. Twenty pages of pain and struggle in this journal. The lone woman likes the one post that would benefit her.
Well, I'm sorry ladies. While I won't walk around calling women "walking vaginas," which prompted Shannon to take action, I will say this: THIS particular journal ain't for ya'll. And THIS particular person couldn't care less about what you think about that, or me for that matter.
#KanyeShrug
lol. Welcome to modern society.
