10-04-2016, 07:59 AM
Alright so I've been trying to give myself a relatively smooth ride with E2 and it hasn't been cutting it. My fear is still strong. I can't even tell you what I'm afraid of, all I know is that when I listen to this sub I get such a feeling of panic and dread like life beyond what I'm living right now is dangerous. I was backing off because I thought maybe I needed to take it easy, but now I see that the only way through this is to not let up anymore. The fear has to go. If I have to go through hell so be it, I can't live this way anymore. I need true freedom and the only way to get that is to destroy this fear that holds me back in every aspect of my life. No more compromising, no more pretending that life is good where it is and ignoring what needs to change, no more living a reality that feels more like a prison. It's about time I gave the middle finger to society's expectations of me and just started doing my own thing without feeling guilty or wrong about it. And it's about time I let all this rage turned inward on myself to be directed outward in a more productive way.
