10-02-2016, 01:00 PM
Still trying to figure out this hours of exposure things. I had work today and yesterday where a sales event was going on and there were so many damn people. I came home and felt like like maybe if I listen to E2 a bit it would settle me, but it seems like the exact opposite happened. I was actually more resistant to whatever came up. Maybe resistant isn't the right word, more like over stimulated. I think for me rest is a very important equation in getting better with this sub and I haven't been giving myself enough.
I've been feeling kind of upset lately that I can't go to work and just leave without feeling completely drained. I thought maybe if I just relax more during the day or after or meditate during my break I'd feel ok. But no matter what I do I'm so damn tired. It's like my body can't tolerate the intense stimulus of working in retail. At this point I've accepted there's not much I can do but to make sure I take care of myself and don't pile on too much at once after work.
I don't know how other people do it. Maybe they just don't have the same problems I do. I was offered a stocking position in addition to my role as a cashier/floor associate. But I had to turn it down because I think in order to remain mentally healthy I can't take on more than I can handle. I know E2 has definitely been helping me with this, in the past I'd take on more responsibilities out of guilt or shame and criticize myself that I was being lazy if I didn't.
I've made a lot of progress in terms of growth. Several months ago I couldn't even bring myself to apply to jobs, let alone hold one down for an extended period of time. But despite this I'm not quite at the level that most people are when it comes to work. It weighs heavy on my mind because I still feel like I'm not self-sufficient. At the same time I know I'm not 100% there yet and I have to keep building myself up before I can handle a heavier workload in my week.
I've been feeling kind of upset lately that I can't go to work and just leave without feeling completely drained. I thought maybe if I just relax more during the day or after or meditate during my break I'd feel ok. But no matter what I do I'm so damn tired. It's like my body can't tolerate the intense stimulus of working in retail. At this point I've accepted there's not much I can do but to make sure I take care of myself and don't pile on too much at once after work.
I don't know how other people do it. Maybe they just don't have the same problems I do. I was offered a stocking position in addition to my role as a cashier/floor associate. But I had to turn it down because I think in order to remain mentally healthy I can't take on more than I can handle. I know E2 has definitely been helping me with this, in the past I'd take on more responsibilities out of guilt or shame and criticize myself that I was being lazy if I didn't.
I've made a lot of progress in terms of growth. Several months ago I couldn't even bring myself to apply to jobs, let alone hold one down for an extended period of time. But despite this I'm not quite at the level that most people are when it comes to work. It weighs heavy on my mind because I still feel like I'm not self-sufficient. At the same time I know I'm not 100% there yet and I have to keep building myself up before I can handle a heavier workload in my week.
