5 loops last night, 2 US, 3 TS cozy phones, 11 clicks.
Woke up motivated, got the gym for cardio and ran errands at a few different stores.
At the gym, the girl I found attractive two days ago was there and chose to warm up on the treadmill next to me. There was maybe one other girl the entire 90 minutes I was there that I found mildly attractive. I didn't feel or see any evidence of an aura. No feelings of sexual arousal.
At Home Depot, I was looking for a few replacement screws for our baby gate. The guy in the aisle literally asked everyone if they needed help finding anything, except me - the guy who'd been standing there for over five minutes unable to find what he needs. I had to eventually go to him.
Between Home Deport and Walmart, I had about 3 situations where if I didn't get out of the way I would have been run over. It's like I don't physically exist. The Walmart greeter said "Hi!" to everyone except for me.
My hip started hurting during cardio, and a dull ache persisted throughout my errands and even now. Whatever used to cause it to go away is no longer in play, or I'm not executing the script properly. I think it has to do with the aura not being "always on" and the lack of that constant energy flooding has reduced the beneficial physical effects. Just a guess.
Like some other members here, looking at porn here and there and floggin' the walrus. Unlike some members here, I have no shame or guilt about it. I think it's completely normal. It's merely that before the desire had disappeared, now the desire is there. I also have noticed prostate activity, in the sense that it tightens up during any sexual activity - solo or otherwise - and plays a part in early release. I've also noticed it getting in the way of urination if I'm feeling randy.
I've noticed I've been getting a bit of my old oily skin from my teens & 20's back, and more issues with whiteheads. To me, that says my testosterone is up a bit - but I haven't had bloodwork to confirm or anything. TMI alert: loads have been bigger, and ejaculation has been more forceful (maybe that's part of the prostate thing?)
I also realized today that I haven't been drinking coffee - for over a week! I've been using caffeine, but just no desire for coffee specifically.
A few other things, and summary: Dreams have not been crazy or frightening, but I'm also not remembering them. Neediness for attention is down a little, I haven't been that interested in asking my wife for sex, she hasn't hinted at wanting or needing sex. It's been a little over a week, I think? I'm pretty irritable on a day-to-day basis. I get waves of emotion that well up here and there, triggered by who-knows-what. My wife said she was tired today, and for a second, I almost cried. WTF? I've been contemplating how I used to interact with women, past blown opportunities, and I feel like I'm letting a lot of junk go. My body's aches and pains are noticeable. I get "randomly" horny and have a tendency lately to take care of that tension myself. Manifestation seems non-existent. Autopilot seems non-existent. Ghosting is occurring often. Celebrity effect is diminished to non-existent.
Woke up motivated, got the gym for cardio and ran errands at a few different stores.
At the gym, the girl I found attractive two days ago was there and chose to warm up on the treadmill next to me. There was maybe one other girl the entire 90 minutes I was there that I found mildly attractive. I didn't feel or see any evidence of an aura. No feelings of sexual arousal.
At Home Depot, I was looking for a few replacement screws for our baby gate. The guy in the aisle literally asked everyone if they needed help finding anything, except me - the guy who'd been standing there for over five minutes unable to find what he needs. I had to eventually go to him.
Between Home Deport and Walmart, I had about 3 situations where if I didn't get out of the way I would have been run over. It's like I don't physically exist. The Walmart greeter said "Hi!" to everyone except for me.
My hip started hurting during cardio, and a dull ache persisted throughout my errands and even now. Whatever used to cause it to go away is no longer in play, or I'm not executing the script properly. I think it has to do with the aura not being "always on" and the lack of that constant energy flooding has reduced the beneficial physical effects. Just a guess.
Like some other members here, looking at porn here and there and floggin' the walrus. Unlike some members here, I have no shame or guilt about it. I think it's completely normal. It's merely that before the desire had disappeared, now the desire is there. I also have noticed prostate activity, in the sense that it tightens up during any sexual activity - solo or otherwise - and plays a part in early release. I've also noticed it getting in the way of urination if I'm feeling randy.
I've noticed I've been getting a bit of my old oily skin from my teens & 20's back, and more issues with whiteheads. To me, that says my testosterone is up a bit - but I haven't had bloodwork to confirm or anything. TMI alert: loads have been bigger, and ejaculation has been more forceful (maybe that's part of the prostate thing?)
I also realized today that I haven't been drinking coffee - for over a week! I've been using caffeine, but just no desire for coffee specifically.
A few other things, and summary: Dreams have not been crazy or frightening, but I'm also not remembering them. Neediness for attention is down a little, I haven't been that interested in asking my wife for sex, she hasn't hinted at wanting or needing sex. It's been a little over a week, I think? I'm pretty irritable on a day-to-day basis. I get waves of emotion that well up here and there, triggered by who-knows-what. My wife said she was tired today, and for a second, I almost cried. WTF? I've been contemplating how I used to interact with women, past blown opportunities, and I feel like I'm letting a lot of junk go. My body's aches and pains are noticeable. I get "randomly" horny and have a tendency lately to take care of that tension myself. Manifestation seems non-existent. Autopilot seems non-existent. Ghosting is occurring often. Celebrity effect is diminished to non-existent.
