09-22-2016, 02:00 AM
Woke up at 5am. Was unable to fall back asleep. I "clusterdreamed" all night. Dream after dream after dream. Random subjects. Some dreams lasting only a few seconds before moving on. I can't remember most of them, only that it happened. Feels like the healing modules are aggressively tearing through garbage. I can sense a distinct shift in various thought patterns. For example -- I've never been a cold approach kinda guy. Always preferred 1-on-1 interactions. The idea of cold approach used to evoke a sense of fear and dread. Now, I'm considering the idea -- without fear. Trust me, that's a MASSIVE change.
Woke up full of rage. Ended up texting my child's mother something rather harsh. She's gonna be in for it when she awakens. Trust me, she deserved it. She has this super bubbly and "friendly" personality that has everyone fooled. Beneath the surface is a very manipulative and selfish person. It took my family a long time to see it. They were actually angry with me when I left her. Some of my friends still are, and I've banned them from talking about the subject because I've grown weary of them taking her side by default.
Seems like a lot of the rage is directed at friends and family's past and current attempts to manipulate me, and I'm having a very visceral reaction to it. Shutting them down fast and hard -- without any consideration as to what it'll do to the relationship. I've developed this, "you'll stop what you're doing or we're done" kind of attitude. My entire life is being reshaped, slowly but surely. I have a business colleague / friend that's very negative. Every time you bring up an idea, he shoots it down, or starts bringing up all the ways it'll fail, or starts talking about all the things you'll need to succeed. All in the name of "skepticism." He also likes to look down on certain things because he's an "artist" and thinks he's above making money. I'm diminishing his role in my life to minimal, partly because of the aforementioned issues. Also because he only ever wants to hang out if he's depressed and wants someone to dump his negative energy on. Fuck that. Not interested. I'm no one's emotional trash can.
I'm supposed to go out on a date tonight, but I think I'm gonna flake. I want to test DMSI, but I was never really feeling the girl. She's kinda uggs in the face (okay, she's really uggs in the face), though she has a really nice, tight body. I'd have to drive an hour to see her, plus I'd miss boxing class and a night of working on my business. On the flipside, I feel like this is just resistance surfacing, because I have this odd urge to go. Like, something -- like OE or the autopilot -- is telling me that I'll get laid if I go tonight. From our conversations, even though we never breached the topic of sex, I get this impression that she really just wants to get laid.
... but man, she really isn't pretty. Like, at all. 8/10 body, 4/10 face. I'm torn. I'll figure this out later. I've got a big business breakfast meeting in a few hours. Gonna focus on that. Speaking of which...
A certain cycle (the same one Shannon's working with) predicted that I would feel as if my life was at a standstill while I was working on internal issues -- that is, until October. In October, my life is supposed to take a huge jump forward. I'm working with this cycle, releasing three new info products, instituting my new automated e-mail marketing funnel system and launching a new eCommerce brand in a very solid niche.
Will update regarding date later.
Woke up full of rage. Ended up texting my child's mother something rather harsh. She's gonna be in for it when she awakens. Trust me, she deserved it. She has this super bubbly and "friendly" personality that has everyone fooled. Beneath the surface is a very manipulative and selfish person. It took my family a long time to see it. They were actually angry with me when I left her. Some of my friends still are, and I've banned them from talking about the subject because I've grown weary of them taking her side by default.
Seems like a lot of the rage is directed at friends and family's past and current attempts to manipulate me, and I'm having a very visceral reaction to it. Shutting them down fast and hard -- without any consideration as to what it'll do to the relationship. I've developed this, "you'll stop what you're doing or we're done" kind of attitude. My entire life is being reshaped, slowly but surely. I have a business colleague / friend that's very negative. Every time you bring up an idea, he shoots it down, or starts bringing up all the ways it'll fail, or starts talking about all the things you'll need to succeed. All in the name of "skepticism." He also likes to look down on certain things because he's an "artist" and thinks he's above making money. I'm diminishing his role in my life to minimal, partly because of the aforementioned issues. Also because he only ever wants to hang out if he's depressed and wants someone to dump his negative energy on. Fuck that. Not interested. I'm no one's emotional trash can.
I'm supposed to go out on a date tonight, but I think I'm gonna flake. I want to test DMSI, but I was never really feeling the girl. She's kinda uggs in the face (okay, she's really uggs in the face), though she has a really nice, tight body. I'd have to drive an hour to see her, plus I'd miss boxing class and a night of working on my business. On the flipside, I feel like this is just resistance surfacing, because I have this odd urge to go. Like, something -- like OE or the autopilot -- is telling me that I'll get laid if I go tonight. From our conversations, even though we never breached the topic of sex, I get this impression that she really just wants to get laid.
... but man, she really isn't pretty. Like, at all. 8/10 body, 4/10 face. I'm torn. I'll figure this out later. I've got a big business breakfast meeting in a few hours. Gonna focus on that. Speaking of which...
A certain cycle (the same one Shannon's working with) predicted that I would feel as if my life was at a standstill while I was working on internal issues -- that is, until October. In October, my life is supposed to take a huge jump forward. I'm working with this cycle, releasing three new info products, instituting my new automated e-mail marketing funnel system and launching a new eCommerce brand in a very solid niche.
Will update regarding date later.
