Odd resistance is starting to pass. Was a weird day. Resistance began early this morning. I became fixated on a lot of the terrible things I did in my mid 20's -- mainly business deals where I ended up ripping off my customers / clients. Things I hadn't thought about for a LOOOONG time.
Lots of guilt and shame for those actions and fear that my own business will fail. Lots of thoughts about just going back to a 9 - 5. A lot of deep disdain for women rising to the surface. And of course, that weirdness with the urges to watch dog f*cking porn and shit. I'm not sure how all of those are intertwined, but it feels like something deep's being cleared. At one point, I even had a moment of extreme panic. Just wanted to curl into a ball and cry.
I'm curious about these weird connections. Not to mention the weird ass Lovecraftian dreams that DMSI seems to evoke. I wonder why my subconscious associates sex with weird, alien creatures...
Lots of guilt and shame for those actions and fear that my own business will fail. Lots of thoughts about just going back to a 9 - 5. A lot of deep disdain for women rising to the surface. And of course, that weirdness with the urges to watch dog f*cking porn and shit. I'm not sure how all of those are intertwined, but it feels like something deep's being cleared. At one point, I even had a moment of extreme panic. Just wanted to curl into a ball and cry.
I'm curious about these weird connections. Not to mention the weird ass Lovecraftian dreams that DMSI seems to evoke. I wonder why my subconscious associates sex with weird, alien creatures...
