Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, where to begin. I guess I should start with a couple of things I've noticed on this sub. I have noticed a lot of things having to do with Goal #2 going on. I've become a lot more calm in my disposition and more confidant regarding women. I have noticed the status hits other people have mentioned. Been getting a lot of "Sir's" and Thank you very much in a very humble way when doing things for other people. As far as noticeable hits I can only really think of 2. I was covering someone at door (Ripping tickets) for their lunch. I was standing their eating mashmellows occasionally since it was a slow night. Two women come by, I rip their tickets and just as the second one is about to pass by me she stops and asks,' What are the jet puffs for?" (Trying to start conversation which rarely happens on this post). Before I can say anything though the first one behind me says, "For throwing people, now come on". I laugh it off but find it kinda of strange. I have the feeling if she was by herself things might have progress different. The more major one that happened that night though was that I ripped the tickets of another two women and I told them it was in theater 18. One of the women says, "Ah, thats nice of you but I'm actually 28" and as she passes by she rubs my shoulder. At this point i'm like, "WTF was that?". I've sat door many times and I can't ever really remember a woman acting like that then actually touch me.

One other thing, there is a certain co-worker that has been working at my job for a couple of weeks now but I've never really talked to her. Apparently she is a big flirt and talkative. I was working near her on a register and something in my mind kept on saying to talk to her. After about 5 mins I finally said something to her (can't remember what). She put on a big smile and started chatting to me a lot. She even got her phone out and started listening to music while dancing while smiling at me. Kinda of showing off I guess. When then started to talk about music a bit and she wanted to show me what she listened to. She took her phone out and got right next to me and leaned in to me a bit to show me. She was literally in my personal space and stayed that way for a good 4 to 5 mins. When I think about when I've seen her talk to other guys I've never seen her actually get in their personal space. The only problem is that shes 16... so off limits unfortunately.

Now for the main thing that I wanted to talk about. No, I didn't get laid yet but it seems like things might be moving in that direction. For context I should start from the beginning. There is another women who has been working their for a couple of months. I hadn't really talked to her but a couple of weeks back I started getting that prodding in my mind again to talk to her while we were in the break room. I had noticed that she sits in the break room and usually is reading either Manga or Game of Thrones so I started a conversation about anime. Before I know it shes talking all excited and keeps on going on and on. It got to the point that the conversation might die down a bit then she would still just stand there just waiting for me to continue it or she might continue it herself to keep it going. She literally got somewhat in trouble one time. One of my co-workers came in the break room and told her, "Aren't you suppose to be back already?" (She was on a 15mins break). Instead of apologizing or being sorry about it she literally stared at the guy and told him , "I am really going to kill you" lol. I also have noticed since that she seems to be very excited and expressive when talking to me. She does that occasionally with other people but with me its constantly every time we start talking.

Now for a little bit of a sidetrack but it is related. I think it was around last weekend I kinda of had a break through (or so I thought). I felt like I had really mastered non-neediness and felt like sex really didn't matter that much(Didn't feel any desire at all really). Though something in the back of my head didn't feel right. More on that later. I ended up deciding to start the gym again and I still had 2 vials of trenbolone from back in my military days so I started using that again along with a natural testosterone booster to keep my test levels optimum. The thing is that within a few hours of taking the testosterone booster a sudden revelation shot through my head. The women I mentioned tried to hint at me trying to get her phone number. It was when we were talking that the first time non-stop and then she said something like, "I really need to talk and hang out with you more". I kinda of smirked and said you sure do (I had looked at something on my phone real quick). She then repeated it again and I was wondering why she was mentioning this. There was a few moments of silence but we ended up talking about something else again. When I had such a realization about what she was hinting at I felt like such a idiot and was kinda of angry at myself.

To pull this all together I think I might have realized another thing (Though its only a theory and only Shannon can probably tell me if its true or not). I believe even though for the most part I wasn't resisting I think as a last ditch effort to sabotage myself I think my subconscious might have lowered my test levels a lot. Hence why I've been feeling a lack of desire lately. I know Shannon said the program is very targeted as far as compatible women but I wonder, assuming it has to do also with women you are sexually attracted to, that maybe my subconscious tanked my test levels as a form of resistance as to not comply with the instructions. It makes sense to me because I don't know why all of a sudden after my test levels are rising due to a test booster that I would all of sudden I would get a epiphany to something that happened weeks ago. Either way its just a theory.

After finding this out I looked up the schedule of when she would be working again (we often don't work at the same times or same days). I did use the excuse of getting back something I lend to her back a couple of weeks ago but also I was determined to get her number so we could hang out more. So, I went back to work today and saw her. She automatically gave back the anime series I lent her and started talking excitedly again (to the point I thought she was going to get in trouble again). Anyway, I ended up asking her for her number so we could watch a movie I had gotten. She kinda of pause for a second and her face went kinda of blank. She said she would be kinda of busy this week but next week sure. I got her number and talked to her a bit more before I left. This is kinda of out of character for me. I have never asked for a girls number in my life yet I did so and as I did I felt like a lot of any nervousness i had just evaporate and felt like I was doing it automatically (Auto-pilot?). Afterwards It didn't feel like too big of a deal what I had done. I wasn't excited afterwards or anything just extremely present and in the moment.

I only just noticed as I got back and started writing this that my body seems to be giving off some heat. Don't know if I was giving any off while I was talking to her, wasn't paying attention. Anyway, I would say so far I'm pretty happy with this program so far and will see if it actually gets me to cooperate with reaching the end goal. We shall see.

Side note: Sorry for any grammatical errors, really too tired at the moment to error check.