Ran 2 loops upon awakening, thinking I'd go to the gym when I was done.
Felt great, proud I was actually going to get back the gym - finally! Then, I got hungry so I made breakfast for myself and son. It took just one thought to get my negativity gears turning. Full downward spiral from there. Once again, stuck in the house and feeling down, negative, and useless. Throw me some water wings for my pity pool! Uggh. That just increases the self-disgust I'm feeling.
Old patterns have come up "out-of-nowhere" this morning. For instance, I used to have an aversion to the phone. In my early 20's, I had money issues that led to debt collector's blowing up my phone 24/7. To this day, I avoid numbers I don't recognize. I never get calls of note, so I ignore my phone save for existing clients, family, and friends. I then see I have a few voicemails - I hadn't even noticed one was from a few weeks ago. I listen, and it turned out it was a pretty important call. Sent me into a slight panic, and my mind was in the past again - the dumb, irresponsible 20-something. The whole ostrich scenario - avoidance of responsibilities I feared by sticking my head in the sand. Thought I had dealt with this, but apparently not.
I have also been thinking more about what I can do to replace the income I have from training clients. Haven't been happy doing what I do for awhile, but I can't just stop. I'd have to find a way to replace the income, and while I'd like to get out of the house, there just aren't any sensible part-time options that will pay anywhere close to what I'm bringing in, hour-for-hour. Bah! My wife and I are also committed to keeping our son (and future children) out of daycare. Seems like a home-based business online is the only option. That, or stay on this path I don't find fulfilling at all. Perhaps I'm just being ungrateful for the position I'm in - the very position I planned and asked for.
Anyway, I feel like I should just throw my kid in the car and go somewhere - the park, anywhere! But instead I'm just sitting here on my ass, while he watches Thomas & Friends, feeling like a prisoner of my own mind and emotions.
Wondering if I should run another 3 loops after I put my boy down for his nap, or just let these 2 loops process.
Felt great, proud I was actually going to get back the gym - finally! Then, I got hungry so I made breakfast for myself and son. It took just one thought to get my negativity gears turning. Full downward spiral from there. Once again, stuck in the house and feeling down, negative, and useless. Throw me some water wings for my pity pool! Uggh. That just increases the self-disgust I'm feeling.
Old patterns have come up "out-of-nowhere" this morning. For instance, I used to have an aversion to the phone. In my early 20's, I had money issues that led to debt collector's blowing up my phone 24/7. To this day, I avoid numbers I don't recognize. I never get calls of note, so I ignore my phone save for existing clients, family, and friends. I then see I have a few voicemails - I hadn't even noticed one was from a few weeks ago. I listen, and it turned out it was a pretty important call. Sent me into a slight panic, and my mind was in the past again - the dumb, irresponsible 20-something. The whole ostrich scenario - avoidance of responsibilities I feared by sticking my head in the sand. Thought I had dealt with this, but apparently not.
I have also been thinking more about what I can do to replace the income I have from training clients. Haven't been happy doing what I do for awhile, but I can't just stop. I'd have to find a way to replace the income, and while I'd like to get out of the house, there just aren't any sensible part-time options that will pay anywhere close to what I'm bringing in, hour-for-hour. Bah! My wife and I are also committed to keeping our son (and future children) out of daycare. Seems like a home-based business online is the only option. That, or stay on this path I don't find fulfilling at all. Perhaps I'm just being ungrateful for the position I'm in - the very position I planned and asked for.
Anyway, I feel like I should just throw my kid in the car and go somewhere - the park, anywhere! But instead I'm just sitting here on my ass, while he watches Thomas & Friends, feeling like a prisoner of my own mind and emotions.
Wondering if I should run another 3 loops after I put my boy down for his nap, or just let these 2 loops process.
