EHPRA Journal

[mat422]

Man, 7 months on E2! Good for you, great dedication!

How many subs had you ran before you started E2? I am a long ways into my healing path, but I didn't start with E2. I'm just entering my 4th month of it and hoping with all of my other sub listening I won't have to run any longer than 6 months.

Thanks. Quite a few. I ran AM 2011 then AM 5.0, EHPRA 1.0, overcome guilt shame and fear twice I think, Absolute self confidence, and I think that's about it. I'm a bit of a veteran with these subs haha. I'm also one of the people on this forum that had A LOT of stuff to deal with. Most guys on this forum are a bit ahead of me in terms of growth.

Yep, I've had a **** ton to deal with, as well. Been on 2+years of various subs and while I'm definitely in a way better place than I was when I started, I still feel like I have ages to go. Definitely getting really frustrated with my lack of results when so many other people on the boards are having way more success with me, way faster, without listening nearly as much as I do. But I guess the only thing guys like us can do is keep on pushing through and hope that our extra doses of adversity make us even stronger once we finally overcome them.

I know the feeling. I'm about to write something that might apply to you, it might not. It's just what I've noticed after running this sub for a bit and how self defeating I act at times.

Anyway here goes. There's a tendency for me to want the sub to do everything, so when negative thinking pops up I usually tell myself I'll just let E2 take care of it. This has been the wrong attitude to take. Lately staying vigilant, turning my thoughts around, refusing to think negative has helped me a lot. I guess it's that conscious and subconscious alignment that's in the program. Basically I've been being more responsible with my habits and thinking instead of waiting for E2 to one day clear everything out and I'm happy. If I'm feeling miserable one day I don't wallow in it anymore, I see what I can do to improve it. It's gotten to the point where I'm realizing emotional catharsis is overrated. Sometimes it feels good to sink back into a depression or anger, like it's justified or something, but it's not healthy. It's just the mind slipping back into old familiar habits and getting comfy again.

It's been particularly rough for me because I don't go out a lot, even though I should. Only because I start building up really bad associations with being at home. This is especially true if you have a tendency to feel like home is a safe place for you and you obsessively ruminate on the negative things in your life. I've had these moments where I'm out and about and feeling good and as soon as I get home I feel this pull to fall back into my negative ways. It gets difficult at times to know what's a need for rest vs a defense mechanism that makes me go to sleep just to shut out the world. It's that kind of stuff you really have to be mindful, one thing leads to the next and you're caught back in old ways.