09-10-2016, 09:23 AM
Decided to save my loops for today while watching college football. Speaker (3 feet away), US .FLAC, -32 dB.
I remembered two dreams from last night - they weren't sexual, more related to healing and G/S/F. First dream I helped a crippled woman - she was so tiny (like the little woman in the Guinness Book of World Records), and she wiped out in her wheel chair onto the street. I was the only one who helped her. Two beautiful young blondes were watching me as I did, and both said simultaneously, "Oh my GOD, I'm in LOVE!" (referring to me).
Second dream involved two friends (a couple) who haven't spoken to me for about 6 months. The pattern of hanging out was always him texting me, "Yo" and being persistent about getting together. The last I saw him was when I took him to a college basketball game. We had a fun time. Then, during March Madness, he uses Snapchat to send me a video of guys over at his place drinking and watching basketball - yet I never got an invite. I thought, "Now, why in the fuck would someone not invite me and send a snap showing me that shit?" Miffed, I never replied. We haven't spoken since. Of course, I've always wondered what exactly it was I did wrong. He must of replaced me with some other dude. I don't know, maybe his wife told him to stay away from me b/c she was finding herself attracted. I'll likely never know.
Clearly that situation's been bothering me. I'm not sure what it has to do with DMSI, but in the dream I called him up and he answered. The dream was so vivid, I could hear his voice, and see everything as if it were real. The phone call morphed into a video chat. He lays into me about all the shit he's been holding against me. Then his wife does the same. I don't remember the particulars, but I start apologizing for everything. Then I see they're having a party in the background, and once again I'm not invited. Fucking weird. Waking up with that dream on my mind left me feeling stressed. Last year at this time, we would have been watching the games together. Maybe that's why it's on my mind.
In other changes, I feel like I don't give a fuck about most women in general, but at the same time I'm seeing them in a more sexual light. My hypothetical willingness to bang them is noticeably heightened. When you think to yourself, "Oh, I'd fuck her, and her, and her..." That has increased to many more women than usual while I'm out. Yet, at the same time, my feelings for my wife are increasing big time. I wonder if it's the whole polymorphic aura is causing this. I hypothesize my wife needs to feel more loved, appreciated, and special to get to sex - and so I'm providing that. She walked past me on the way out the door yesterday, and I grabbed her arm. I looked into her eyes, hugged her waist, pressed my hips into hers, and kissed her passionately. She loved it. I just did it out of nowhere - automatically. She's been really happy lately. I also find that I'm reacting to her differently. Before, I may have been annoyed by her tendency to ask so many questions (especially while I'm trying to focus on something else). Now I stop what I'm doing, look her in the eye, and I calmly answer them. I feel less irritated, keep my voice calm and soft, make it clear I'm focusing on her...really cool changes.
I remembered two dreams from last night - they weren't sexual, more related to healing and G/S/F. First dream I helped a crippled woman - she was so tiny (like the little woman in the Guinness Book of World Records), and she wiped out in her wheel chair onto the street. I was the only one who helped her. Two beautiful young blondes were watching me as I did, and both said simultaneously, "Oh my GOD, I'm in LOVE!" (referring to me).
Second dream involved two friends (a couple) who haven't spoken to me for about 6 months. The pattern of hanging out was always him texting me, "Yo" and being persistent about getting together. The last I saw him was when I took him to a college basketball game. We had a fun time. Then, during March Madness, he uses Snapchat to send me a video of guys over at his place drinking and watching basketball - yet I never got an invite. I thought, "Now, why in the fuck would someone not invite me and send a snap showing me that shit?" Miffed, I never replied. We haven't spoken since. Of course, I've always wondered what exactly it was I did wrong. He must of replaced me with some other dude. I don't know, maybe his wife told him to stay away from me b/c she was finding herself attracted. I'll likely never know.
Clearly that situation's been bothering me. I'm not sure what it has to do with DMSI, but in the dream I called him up and he answered. The dream was so vivid, I could hear his voice, and see everything as if it were real. The phone call morphed into a video chat. He lays into me about all the shit he's been holding against me. Then his wife does the same. I don't remember the particulars, but I start apologizing for everything. Then I see they're having a party in the background, and once again I'm not invited. Fucking weird. Waking up with that dream on my mind left me feeling stressed. Last year at this time, we would have been watching the games together. Maybe that's why it's on my mind.
In other changes, I feel like I don't give a fuck about most women in general, but at the same time I'm seeing them in a more sexual light. My hypothetical willingness to bang them is noticeably heightened. When you think to yourself, "Oh, I'd fuck her, and her, and her..." That has increased to many more women than usual while I'm out. Yet, at the same time, my feelings for my wife are increasing big time. I wonder if it's the whole polymorphic aura is causing this. I hypothesize my wife needs to feel more loved, appreciated, and special to get to sex - and so I'm providing that. She walked past me on the way out the door yesterday, and I grabbed her arm. I looked into her eyes, hugged her waist, pressed my hips into hers, and kissed her passionately. She loved it. I just did it out of nowhere - automatically. She's been really happy lately. I also find that I'm reacting to her differently. Before, I may have been annoyed by her tendency to ask so many questions (especially while I'm trying to focus on something else). Now I stop what I'm doing, look her in the eye, and I calmly answer them. I feel less irritated, keep my voice calm and soft, make it clear I'm focusing on her...really cool changes.
