Shannon's DMSI V2.2 Journal

[Shannon]

Touché.

Not quite the same, though. You run a subliminal business, and are "The Creator." I'm a customer, married, and a father. Having a girlfriend, while not diminishing her importance to you, is not a relationship with the same level of commitment. :-)

Do you have any female friends you trust and see on a regular or semi-regular basis that would submit themselves as testers to help you out?

I know you're curious. I'm curious. I just don't have any women in my life that match what I just asked you.

Assumptions, assumptions. I don't agree with the legal aspect of marriage, so my "girlfriend" can not go beyond that title. That does not mean that I have no plans to stay with her for the rest of my life. The law has no place in my bedroom. But I do plan to keep her for the long haul, which is why I am trying so hard to help her heal and grow. So the level of commitment only differs because she and I have not yet had children, which will happen when the last piece of the puzzle falls into place in a year or two. I will not have children until I have a specific minimum amount of money in savings.

I actually have two female friends who want to test, but both are unsuitable for one reason or another. Namely, they would use it as an excuse to indulge in self destructive behaviors they are learning to outgrow, but have not done so yet. I don't want to assist in enabling those behaviors.

Well, I'm glad my assumption was able to extract that nugget from your personal life. Is that like a public announcement equal to a marriage announcement? Congratulations, if so.

It is my belief that marriage makes sense only if:

1. The "law" doesn't try to intervene and
2. It takes into account the fact that the only constant in this world is change.

Since neither is true, it does not make sense for me.

She and I have made it through a lot of crap, because we both care about and love each other and we both want the relationship to work. On our three year anniversary, I gave her a diamond watch as a gift to show her that she has earned my trust and a long term focus.

But, should she refuse to keep up with my personal growth in life, should she decide that she was going to stagnate or drag me down, or cheat or lie or become abusive to herself, me or my kids, or any of a number of other factors, I would not have a problem walking away. I made this clear on day 1, and she knows it's true because I walked already once when I caught her breaking Rule #1, which is, NEVER LIE!

We ended up getting back together later on, but I don't have time for BS. Too much to accomplish in life. What I'm here to accomplish is bigger and more important than any woman, or even me and my personal happiness.

So basically it's... "Get on board the success train, or get left behind." She has made huge growth since I met her to accomplish that, but we have a ways to go before I'm done with getting her to outgrow her abused past. As long as she is actively working on self improvement, I'm happy. Should she refuse to keep up, I will be glad to let her have whatever life she wants - without me.

I'm putting in the effort and working for a long term relationship because I know she can do it, and I know she is worth the effort. But again... I have to accomplish what I am here for, even if it means being single my whole life.

Not quite like what a typical marriage looks like. But thank you.