EHPRA Journal

[mat422]

So I just worked on this with the focus of just making music, not good music, just finishing something. Probably not anyone's cup of tea...

There's quite a lot of disclaimers, self censoring in there.

If you do something, do it the best you can and be satisfied with your output. Let others decide if it's their "cup of tea" or not. They will do that anyway. If they don't respond the way you want, improve it after. But, all the while, put out the best you can AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

I needed that, thanks. Hiding behind the "it's not really that good" act is something I'm going to break out of. Your post got me thinking about things in general though, so there's probably gonna be some introspective thoughts at the bottom of this post.

I like it man.. kind of similar to chillout music I listen to but with something else thrown in. Definately my cup of tea.. cos i'm trying to drink less coffee

Thanks. I actually fell asleep to a chillout radio station one night must have leaked into my subconscious haha.

---

Anyway I'm done with this negativity stuff. Though I've improved, I now recognize a lot of this negativity that isn't going away is really just a shapeshifting chameleon form of resistance. These are just problems and negative beliefs my mind is generating to keep me from changing. It's like giving me an impossible puzzle to solve in order to distract me. And the only way out of it is to just do something different. To pretty much change my thinking from negative to positive. I'm not in as bad of shape as I believe myself to be, this is just another block I need to overcome to keep moving forward. From now on I'm not telling myself "but I still have belief or problem x therefore I can't change yet", now it's all about figuring out what the problem is and changing it. No matter how uncomfortable, wrong, or tiring it can be. I can't know 100% what holds me back at times, but I know for sure even if I do understand it on an intellectual level it doesn't make a damn bit of difference. All that matters is my state of mind and what I believe. No more focus on clearing negative emotions or obsessing over them. It's all about reorienting myself to the positive and building off of that. That means no more posts that fuel that excessive rumination on the negative because I've realized it's less of a release or venting and more like classical conditioning where I reward myself for focusing on the negative. I can't have that anymore. Things have to change. And in order to change I have to create that change.