07-17-2016, 04:18 PM
I've been hit hard with some anxiety these past few days. In a way it sucks, but in a way I'm noticing an improvement in catching the thoughts and ruminations that lead to this anxiety. Also noticing that a lot of the time those thoughts were inaccessible to me because I had shame attached to them. A lot of it just comes down to needing to be more mindful of what I'm thinking instead of shutting down and letting the anxiety get out of control.
Just trying to not let the avoidance get the best of me. That's where the problems really stem from. When I run from my problems and just create more problems. The only way I can describe it is this instinctual pull to close out the world and go inside myself. Terrible habit. Usually results in watching a movie, tv, or playing video games. I tend to trick myself into believing I need it to decompress or relax or whatever delusional belief I have instead of recognizing it as a temporary escape from the anxiety that points towards things that need fixing in my life.
I still don't feel aligned with my goals. Meaning I know what is good for me and what I should do, but some part of me is fighting every step of the way. And lately there have been a lot of sneaky tactics to get me to avoid doing what I need to do and it's been really rough. I can force myself to move forward but it's almost like the more energy I put into overcoming that resistance, the more stealthily my subconcsious resists. To the point where I'm like shit, I did it again. I have to revise my strategy when it comes to my resistant behaviors instead of trying to steam roll them.
Just trying to not let the avoidance get the best of me. That's where the problems really stem from. When I run from my problems and just create more problems. The only way I can describe it is this instinctual pull to close out the world and go inside myself. Terrible habit. Usually results in watching a movie, tv, or playing video games. I tend to trick myself into believing I need it to decompress or relax or whatever delusional belief I have instead of recognizing it as a temporary escape from the anxiety that points towards things that need fixing in my life.
I still don't feel aligned with my goals. Meaning I know what is good for me and what I should do, but some part of me is fighting every step of the way. And lately there have been a lot of sneaky tactics to get me to avoid doing what I need to do and it's been really rough. I can force myself to move forward but it's almost like the more energy I put into overcoming that resistance, the more stealthily my subconcsious resists. To the point where I'm like shit, I did it again. I have to revise my strategy when it comes to my resistant behaviors instead of trying to steam roll them.
