EHPRA Journal

[mat422]

Interesting insight; sounds like you are expanding yourself into 'outgrowing' your old self perhaps; We may grieve with crying when our old self slips away revealing a new self... it can be anxiety when this happens or a Big relief

Maybe. It's always hard to tell with this stuff. I would like to outgrow my old self, but the familiar fears seem to be what hold me back the most. At this point I've pretty much detached from any sort of identity that has to do with my anxiety which has been improvement as well. Now I guess it's a matter of shedding that skin so to speak.

I feel a great deal of shame dealing with this. Why? Because I feel like in comparison to other people's problems out there mine is very minuscule and seems petty. But for me it's just so chronic and pervasive it just wears me down to a point where I just have trouble enjoying life. And the irrationality of it all is what really kills me.

You aren't alone in this realisation don't worry...

You don't think that I feel a great deal of embarrassment and stupidity for using E2 just to get rid of fears/depression/anxiety/loneliness and general feeling of total inadequacy around dating and having sex with attractive little females I already know? While other guys on this sub have extremely abusive families, issues with the police, being homeless, been a soldier and went through extremely straining situations risking death, trying to cling onto sanity in such states. I feel completely ridiculous, cowardly, and foolish for running the same program as people like that, while I sit and whine about my first world problems. It's why I even feel somewhat embarrassed to journal online anymore. I whine about not having a girlfriend or having sex, meanwhile these people have battles like that waging...really makes you want to give your head a shake and wake up.

I'd say use this realisation to let yourself know things could be far far worse, and that you are doing much better than you realise. Hopefully, that will be enough of a reframing, using other's struggles, to pick yourself up and drive forward. That way, you can try to turn the whole experience into something positive, and beneficial.

Best advice I can give, as I too have had this realisation.

This is pretty much why I don't hold back in my journals. Every once in a while someone pops in and gives me an alternative of how to think about things and it helps. Sometimes it stings, but it helps me grow. Thanks Catman. You helped me realize being so incredibly ashamed of this type of stuff actually prevents me from breaking it down and solving it. Instead I just lump it into one big category of anxiety so it appeals to my victim mentality. But no matter how stupid, weak, or dumb my thoughts or feelings may be they influence my emotional state and they need to be addressed, not merely swept under the rug. The further out of conscious awareness they are, the more damage they do.