05-31-2011, 11:08 PM
Well, done with stage 3 onto stage 4. Brief recap for stage 3 from what I remember going through was, challenging, only word I can think of. I have had no motivation, no confidence, not cared about anything really. I don't really have any physical like hobbies at the moment, so pretty much been sitting around the house watching tv and screwing around on the internet.
I had a couple of interesting dreams during stage 3 however. And I almost never remember my dreams and when I do, they usually did not have any meaning like I felt these had. The latest dream involved pamela anderson, that one is too good to share, and the first one was kind of trippy. I was on top of a building and all of a sudden the buildings around me started turning into like water, or moving like water and so I started following a bunch of people who were jumping to other buildings to avoid the tsunami like buildings. Then I kind of started going off on my own and eventually kind of found safety.
I have also been eating like crazy, especially chocolate or anything sugar. I kind of feel like maybe it is my subconscious way of trying to reject the alpha program, because I have always been (big boned) but as of late I am going into the edges of (fluffy), but have always had the belief I could never be, a man until I was in really good shape and fit and trim. It could also be my job, my extremely easy and not very physical position has been discontinued at my facility. I still have a job, it is just sooner or later going to be extremely extremely physical, which is good and bad. Good because I will get in shape, bad because I am almost over the pain in my body it has caused me from doing it for so long. But whichever it may be, I have not been this big since high school, and while I have never been happy with my weight, it is something I will have to put more effort in to.
So while stage 3 seemed really rough to me, at the start of stage 4, I had a really good day, just seemed like one of those blue bird on my shoulder, nothing is going to get me down kind of days. So, so far so good.
Something kind of interesting happened tonight, I was at family video, and I saw this chick who was a very very solid 8 or 9 in my book. Kind of took my breathe away alittle bit when I saw how beautiful she was. Luckily I had sprayed on a little bit of instant shine, so I used the opener I can always remember, which was, I need your opinion, how does this cologne smell. So she smells and says it is a really clean smell, I ask her what she would rate it from 1 to 10, she said a 7, but that I could do better, and I think she said I needed something to make me smell alittle more yummy
, but then tried changing the word around to something else, which I of course thought was cute as hell. Now unfortunately that was pretty much it, I think she might have kept her body turned towards me for a second or two more, but I did not pick up any body language that told me she might have been interested, but she was by herself. Now that I think about it though, there was alot more I could have said or done. I was too nervous to do my all time favorite move, the spin, and I just need to learn to be quicker on my feet, but I also was not feeling like I could get very far with anyone, still in work clothes, wearing my big bird colored crocs, and have not shaved for a few days. And I always tell myself, if it is meant to be, I will see her again. But it got me to realize that I do want a relationship, I have not had one for farrrrrrrr toooooo loooooooooong. People always tell me I should take what I can get, but I have never believed that is my way to happiness.
So to sum it up for me, month 3 was kind of depressing for me. But month 4 so far has been alot better.
And thanks woceyes and spiral for giving your opinions. I don't talk to alot of people even at work, and I have asked the question to a guy who is very well liked and who nobody messes around with, and he just said, I somehow rub people the wrong way. I don't really care, I am who I am and I do not apologize for it, I have just somehow always had that ability to be completely ignored or to somehow piss people off really easily.
I had a couple of interesting dreams during stage 3 however. And I almost never remember my dreams and when I do, they usually did not have any meaning like I felt these had. The latest dream involved pamela anderson, that one is too good to share, and the first one was kind of trippy. I was on top of a building and all of a sudden the buildings around me started turning into like water, or moving like water and so I started following a bunch of people who were jumping to other buildings to avoid the tsunami like buildings. Then I kind of started going off on my own and eventually kind of found safety.
I have also been eating like crazy, especially chocolate or anything sugar. I kind of feel like maybe it is my subconscious way of trying to reject the alpha program, because I have always been (big boned) but as of late I am going into the edges of (fluffy), but have always had the belief I could never be, a man until I was in really good shape and fit and trim. It could also be my job, my extremely easy and not very physical position has been discontinued at my facility. I still have a job, it is just sooner or later going to be extremely extremely physical, which is good and bad. Good because I will get in shape, bad because I am almost over the pain in my body it has caused me from doing it for so long. But whichever it may be, I have not been this big since high school, and while I have never been happy with my weight, it is something I will have to put more effort in to.
So while stage 3 seemed really rough to me, at the start of stage 4, I had a really good day, just seemed like one of those blue bird on my shoulder, nothing is going to get me down kind of days. So, so far so good.
Something kind of interesting happened tonight, I was at family video, and I saw this chick who was a very very solid 8 or 9 in my book. Kind of took my breathe away alittle bit when I saw how beautiful she was. Luckily I had sprayed on a little bit of instant shine, so I used the opener I can always remember, which was, I need your opinion, how does this cologne smell. So she smells and says it is a really clean smell, I ask her what she would rate it from 1 to 10, she said a 7, but that I could do better, and I think she said I needed something to make me smell alittle more yummy
, but then tried changing the word around to something else, which I of course thought was cute as hell. Now unfortunately that was pretty much it, I think she might have kept her body turned towards me for a second or two more, but I did not pick up any body language that told me she might have been interested, but she was by herself. Now that I think about it though, there was alot more I could have said or done. I was too nervous to do my all time favorite move, the spin, and I just need to learn to be quicker on my feet, but I also was not feeling like I could get very far with anyone, still in work clothes, wearing my big bird colored crocs, and have not shaved for a few days. And I always tell myself, if it is meant to be, I will see her again. But it got me to realize that I do want a relationship, I have not had one for farrrrrrrr toooooo loooooooooong. People always tell me I should take what I can get, but I have never believed that is my way to happiness.So to sum it up for me, month 3 was kind of depressing for me. But month 4 so far has been alot better.
And thanks woceyes and spiral for giving your opinions. I don't talk to alot of people even at work, and I have asked the question to a guy who is very well liked and who nobody messes around with, and he just said, I somehow rub people the wrong way. I don't really care, I am who I am and I do not apologize for it, I have just somehow always had that ability to be completely ignored or to somehow piss people off really easily.
"Personality is the extent to which the individual has learned to convert his energies into habits or actions which successfully influence other people.
-Henry C. Link
"I see you have the ring Lonestar, and your Schwartz is as big as mine."
- Dark Helmet
-Henry C. Link
"I see you have the ring Lonestar, and your Schwartz is as big as mine."
- Dark Helmet
