06-24-2016, 10:43 AM
Ok, so I've been doing posts left and right here which is pretty much a reflection of my mental state and how my brain felt like it was on fire these past few days.
There's a lot of anger inside of me. A lot. I grew up with a dad who had these explosions of anger and since then I haven't felt comfortable with it. But it had to go somewhere and it probably got redirected at me in the worst way possible.
I read a lot of posts here about intense emotional events on E2. I can't say I've ever experienced one until now. Because I felt anger was "wrong" anytime E2 brought it up I'd stuff it back down. But I let it come to the surface this time and play out. But this was some intense rage. I'm talking wanting to smash everything in sight rage. I couldn't tell you where it was coming from, no doubt just years of repression unleashed in one moment.
After it was over I realized how much I lacked control of my anger. There's people that get angry and lash out and then there are people that just swallow it and never really address it in a healthy way. I'm part of the second group and I need to learn how to accept anger without feeling like it's a "bad" emotion.
There's a lot of anger inside of me. A lot. I grew up with a dad who had these explosions of anger and since then I haven't felt comfortable with it. But it had to go somewhere and it probably got redirected at me in the worst way possible.
I read a lot of posts here about intense emotional events on E2. I can't say I've ever experienced one until now. Because I felt anger was "wrong" anytime E2 brought it up I'd stuff it back down. But I let it come to the surface this time and play out. But this was some intense rage. I'm talking wanting to smash everything in sight rage. I couldn't tell you where it was coming from, no doubt just years of repression unleashed in one moment.
After it was over I realized how much I lacked control of my anger. There's people that get angry and lash out and then there are people that just swallow it and never really address it in a healthy way. I'm part of the second group and I need to learn how to accept anger without feeling like it's a "bad" emotion.
