05-22-2011, 01:51 PM
Haven't posted here in a while, but I've got a few things I want to unload off my mind. So far stage 5 has me feeling really smooth, pretty confident, and incredibly detached from what other's have to say. The other day some guy was pretty much yelling at me where I work, cursing me out, etc. I had no anger, instead I saw this man as weak and took pity on him. I stayed calm, answered him in an unemotional logical manner and soon enough he was no longer angry. When you don't feed a person's anger with more anger, they tend to see how irrational they are sometimes. Right now I feel like I'm operating at a higher level of consciousness. I'm able to detach from anyones opinion of me and I have a greater understanding of human behavior. My ability to control my emotions is pretty amazing, I no longer hold grudges or become angry because I see it as their problem and not mine.
Something else that I'm aware of is my indifference towards women. I no longer feel like I have an obligation to look for beauty in a woman. I feel it is now their responsibility to display their good qualities, instead of me sifting through all the bad ones to find the good in them. This relates to looking beyond the image she portrays and understanding who she actually is. Unfortunately as a side effect of this awareness, I feel sometimes it is hard for me to appreciate the positive side.
This is the one thing that I'm struggling with now. In a way I feel colder, but I'm also not. I think it might just be my perception based on my old beliefs which seemed to put people and especially women above me. Once I internalized that I'm just as important as everyone else out there, things shifted. I guess you could say I've developed a sixth sense for bs, which allows me to see the truth of the situation. In the past I would look for the positive, so much that I would bury the negative and refuse to accept it.
Also I think a lot of what drives having a conversation with other people is the emotion attached to it. While I do enjoy having conversation with people at times, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I feel like that emotional drive has always been relatively low. I don't really have a desire to be more social or outgoing, I'm content being myself even if some people don't like it. In the past my desire to become more outgoing was just because I felt I was broken and it was wrong to be the way I was.
However, I can be very charismatic when talking to people and I'm not rude and I don't ignore them. It's just that it is more on autopilot and a mechanical process rather than something I derive pleasure from at times. Lately I've had more people talking to me for no reason which never really happened much before
I guess I just feel disconnected at times. It might be the sub though, hard to tell until I actually finish the set. I feel very fulfilled most the time which just makes me feel content by myself. I just kind of feel detached from humans lol, that's the best way I can put it. It's really more of a feeling that I'm still coming to terms with and is kind of like looking at a fuzzy TV, I can kind of see the picture but there is still more that I can't see.
Something else that I'm aware of is my indifference towards women. I no longer feel like I have an obligation to look for beauty in a woman. I feel it is now their responsibility to display their good qualities, instead of me sifting through all the bad ones to find the good in them. This relates to looking beyond the image she portrays and understanding who she actually is. Unfortunately as a side effect of this awareness, I feel sometimes it is hard for me to appreciate the positive side.
This is the one thing that I'm struggling with now. In a way I feel colder, but I'm also not. I think it might just be my perception based on my old beliefs which seemed to put people and especially women above me. Once I internalized that I'm just as important as everyone else out there, things shifted. I guess you could say I've developed a sixth sense for bs, which allows me to see the truth of the situation. In the past I would look for the positive, so much that I would bury the negative and refuse to accept it.
Also I think a lot of what drives having a conversation with other people is the emotion attached to it. While I do enjoy having conversation with people at times, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I feel like that emotional drive has always been relatively low. I don't really have a desire to be more social or outgoing, I'm content being myself even if some people don't like it. In the past my desire to become more outgoing was just because I felt I was broken and it was wrong to be the way I was.
However, I can be very charismatic when talking to people and I'm not rude and I don't ignore them. It's just that it is more on autopilot and a mechanical process rather than something I derive pleasure from at times. Lately I've had more people talking to me for no reason which never really happened much before
I guess I just feel disconnected at times. It might be the sub though, hard to tell until I actually finish the set. I feel very fulfilled most the time which just makes me feel content by myself. I just kind of feel detached from humans lol, that's the best way I can put it. It's really more of a feeling that I'm still coming to terms with and is kind of like looking at a fuzzy TV, I can kind of see the picture but there is still more that I can't see.
