The Adventures of the Mystic Pymp (currently AM6 second run)

[Mystic Pymp]

I feel awful these days. I thought it was due to exams, but those ended and I'm still very anxious and uneasy. I would say that it's because I'm still heartbroken, but it's not that and I can't quite put my finger on the source. Perhaps it's AM as I noticed this happening ever since start of stage 4 and growing ever since, but past stages were going smoothly so that's strange. It quite reminds me of my first AM run where I was having quite a mood swings and felt like shit all the time.

When did this resistance begin in the first run? If it was earlier than stage 4 I would guess that is a good sign, ie you have accepted all the programming up until this point.

I had a bad stage 3 and 4 and not sure what the rest of stage 5 and 6 holds.

Well, I don't really remember and I don't feel like running through my past journal, but the whole run was a mess, mainly because I was a mess at the time. I remember one day feeling like total shit and the next one light like a feather and joyful. Calling it emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. I've had bad moments during this run, but those were all in reaction to something in my life, mainly (but not always) due to better and worse moments with my ex. Other than that first 3 stages were very smooth though, with my confidence high and quite good outcome independence. I think there is some serious cognitive dissonance in me right now, maybe AM programming (like letting go of neediness and not letting others jump on your head) fights with seemingly hopeless situation of lack of options and general badness. Anyhow I will let the programming continue as I need to finish the whole set.

This may seem strange or cruel, but I almost think I need this sadness now. In the past it's always been a catalyst of change for me. Moments when I need to get some serious realizations and accept them, but also to change my believes and get a different outlook at some issues. If nothing ends, then nothing changes and end of something is always the beginning of something new. That's why I'm quite down, but I'm far from bitten. As long as I remember my purpose, my mission and that present and past do not dictate the future (as we like to assume, we project the future as if present would never change) I will be fine.