06-09-2016, 06:14 AM
More insight. I think part of this self growth on E2 is understanding that things aren't static and trying to hold onto things too much no matter how positive is just as bad as dwelling in the negative. What I mean by that is I have to accept that I'm not a superhuman being with complete mastery over my emotions and states. I was feeling pretty good yesterday in the morning, but then my mood slowly went down over the course of the day. Instead of accepting that, I tried too hard to remain in a positive mindset. There's a positive mindset cultivated by analyzing and deconstructing your negative beliefs and there's the positive mindset that I try to keep based on fear of the negative creeping in again. One of those is productive and the other isn't.
In the end it all boils down to trying to escape whatever uncomfortable thing I'm experiencing instead of facing it head on. It may not be dissociation, but it follows the same fear based pattern so I'm assuming my mind is going to keep throwing these tricks at me until I resolve this stuff fully. In the meantime I have to be more aware of my responses to my emotional states themselves.
Having said that I'm always amazed how the mind works and all the different twists and turns I'll end up taking inside my own head before completing the simplest of tasks. It's almost like I'm aware of the ridiculousness of it all, but at the same time don't always have control of it.
In the end it all boils down to trying to escape whatever uncomfortable thing I'm experiencing instead of facing it head on. It may not be dissociation, but it follows the same fear based pattern so I'm assuming my mind is going to keep throwing these tricks at me until I resolve this stuff fully. In the meantime I have to be more aware of my responses to my emotional states themselves.
Having said that I'm always amazed how the mind works and all the different twists and turns I'll end up taking inside my own head before completing the simplest of tasks. It's almost like I'm aware of the ridiculousness of it all, but at the same time don't always have control of it.
