06-08-2016, 11:33 AM
day 79 - momentum
OK...where to start? The date started out well with the online girl. mind you my goal with the online dating site was to get one date and I got two with 7 days left on the membership. the second date is brunch this sunday, with second girl. so the date started great and she was cute. skinny, 5'7 108 pounds. very drab and she kept rushing making sure everything went as fast as it could without being rude. she talked about her ex, who proposed to her, how controlling and angry he was. whatever. towards the end I asked for a hug and she said maybe next time. I sent her a follow up message on the dating site. I have a gut feeling she didn't like something about me which has her mind made up about me. again whatever. oh, she also wanted to give me back the roses that I gave her when I showed up. said I should send her a pic of them.
There were times I wanted to hold her hand and looked like she wanted me to do it but I didn't.
Look. when it comes to dating, I miss social cues constantly and I tend to crumble under shit tests, but I'm getting better.
Girl #2 I have set up for sunday. she seems nice with more personality. girl #1 was a programmer, very dry.
Girl #3 on my team. we lost in the semi finals because I was acting like a child. #3 was being friendly all night, even a little kino. she even told me the next day was her day off and she had nothing to do. (Help me here. was she hinting that I should ask her to hang out? cuz it felt that way) I still get nervous around her and I don't get nervous around girls like this. currently she is my favorite girl. but she gets hit on constantly, some are drunks and some are really good looking dudes. here's where I mess up: she comes outside while I'm having a cigarette with a few of the regulars. (this is why I'm so confused with her) she comes up, doesn't make eye contact with me and starts talking to the other two regulars about some tournament happening sunday ( I think she knows I like playing tournaments) and its a partners tournament meaning doubles matches. she looks at the dude next to me and says something like 'aren't WE going to be partners?' pointing at him and completely ignoring me.
This hurt my feelings and made me think of this girl who used to use me and pretend to like me. So I got mad. wtf. literally 15 minutes ago we were laughing and things were going great. Then she flirts with some ghetto player, actually the guy is pretty cool, but he's like a foot and a half shorter than her and I'm a better player than him. I'm the better player! so can anyone tell me what the hell is going on?!
So what did I do? I ordered a double macallan on the rocks. and played like shit. alienating my team. oh I couldn't even be near her. It was an intense de ja vu of the time I got cheated on. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I guess she noticed cause she was being comforting the rest of the night. I told her it was the pressure of the playoffs but I could care less about that. so I just drank and met another regular and we went to a strip club. when I said bye to #3 she suddenly gave me an attitude like why are you going to the strip club? this is what is confusing me.
I can't tell I am friend zoned or not. or if she's confused. whatever the case may be, it is putting me through the ringer.
There were 2 other women that were flirting with me. one was a waitress who was waiting for me to talk to her when she finished her shift but I'm only interested in #3 right now. I want something meaningful not some fling. I've actually been turning them down.
I'm supposed to go in tonight to tryout for team usa. I don't know if she'll be there.
what is going on with me? why do I care about her so much?
I want her so I will just continue assuming i'm in the friend zone and do my best to get out unless someone better shows up.
by the way, I haven't been to work in a week because of this. If you know women or are a woman, and you know what I should do here to better my situation, then please by all means speak, because I can't seem to focus at work obsessing about relationships.
I must be in a resistance wave right now.
I will keep you posted about how it turns out tonight.
I want to apologize to you readers, I try to keep my posts positive. to inspire. but sometimes I have to let you guys/girls know the hurdles I must overcome as well and if I get emotional it happens. I hope I'm overthinking #3. as I am a over thinker.
OK...where to start? The date started out well with the online girl. mind you my goal with the online dating site was to get one date and I got two with 7 days left on the membership. the second date is brunch this sunday, with second girl. so the date started great and she was cute. skinny, 5'7 108 pounds. very drab and she kept rushing making sure everything went as fast as it could without being rude. she talked about her ex, who proposed to her, how controlling and angry he was. whatever. towards the end I asked for a hug and she said maybe next time. I sent her a follow up message on the dating site. I have a gut feeling she didn't like something about me which has her mind made up about me. again whatever. oh, she also wanted to give me back the roses that I gave her when I showed up. said I should send her a pic of them.
There were times I wanted to hold her hand and looked like she wanted me to do it but I didn't.
Look. when it comes to dating, I miss social cues constantly and I tend to crumble under shit tests, but I'm getting better.
Girl #2 I have set up for sunday. she seems nice with more personality. girl #1 was a programmer, very dry.
Girl #3 on my team. we lost in the semi finals because I was acting like a child. #3 was being friendly all night, even a little kino. she even told me the next day was her day off and she had nothing to do. (Help me here. was she hinting that I should ask her to hang out? cuz it felt that way) I still get nervous around her and I don't get nervous around girls like this. currently she is my favorite girl. but she gets hit on constantly, some are drunks and some are really good looking dudes. here's where I mess up: she comes outside while I'm having a cigarette with a few of the regulars. (this is why I'm so confused with her) she comes up, doesn't make eye contact with me and starts talking to the other two regulars about some tournament happening sunday ( I think she knows I like playing tournaments) and its a partners tournament meaning doubles matches. she looks at the dude next to me and says something like 'aren't WE going to be partners?' pointing at him and completely ignoring me.
This hurt my feelings and made me think of this girl who used to use me and pretend to like me. So I got mad. wtf. literally 15 minutes ago we were laughing and things were going great. Then she flirts with some ghetto player, actually the guy is pretty cool, but he's like a foot and a half shorter than her and I'm a better player than him. I'm the better player! so can anyone tell me what the hell is going on?!
So what did I do? I ordered a double macallan on the rocks. and played like shit. alienating my team. oh I couldn't even be near her. It was an intense de ja vu of the time I got cheated on. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I guess she noticed cause she was being comforting the rest of the night. I told her it was the pressure of the playoffs but I could care less about that. so I just drank and met another regular and we went to a strip club. when I said bye to #3 she suddenly gave me an attitude like why are you going to the strip club? this is what is confusing me.
I can't tell I am friend zoned or not. or if she's confused. whatever the case may be, it is putting me through the ringer.
There were 2 other women that were flirting with me. one was a waitress who was waiting for me to talk to her when she finished her shift but I'm only interested in #3 right now. I want something meaningful not some fling. I've actually been turning them down.
I'm supposed to go in tonight to tryout for team usa. I don't know if she'll be there.
what is going on with me? why do I care about her so much?
I want her so I will just continue assuming i'm in the friend zone and do my best to get out unless someone better shows up.
by the way, I haven't been to work in a week because of this. If you know women or are a woman, and you know what I should do here to better my situation, then please by all means speak, because I can't seem to focus at work obsessing about relationships.
I must be in a resistance wave right now.
I will keep you posted about how it turns out tonight.
I want to apologize to you readers, I try to keep my posts positive. to inspire. but sometimes I have to let you guys/girls know the hurdles I must overcome as well and if I get emotional it happens. I hope I'm overthinking #3. as I am a over thinker.
