05-24-2016, 05:48 AM
day 65 - penance
I am journaling to record my progress...I needed to write that. so, I will start with the positives, even though I originally wanted to bitch, but once I started writing it changed. I think I met someone who can help with one of my dream goals in life. the projects he talked about lit an inspirational fire in my heart that I haven't felt in a long time. a tear came to my eye...so emotional...
I haven't slept yet since yesterday. I went to hang out with a group and in said group is a girl I like. when we first met, I was interested in someone else. 6 months go by, someone else was being stupid, so I moved on. now I start showing interest in group girl. Mixed signals. she's hugging and touching one day then arctic the next...last night starts out touchy and fun, then shots start flowing...I'm like ok, cool, maybe I can escalate this good vibe going on, but the rest of the group was still there. slowly, one by one people left. down to me, my friend ( who was trashed ), and the crush. My friend left, I walked him out, smoked a cigarette and when I came back...the girl I HAD a crush on was talking to some dude who hangs out there regularly. I'm like ok, he's a friend. 5 minutes go by, whatever. another 10 minutes go by...wtf... I standing by myself like some chode...now I'm like pissed...not at her, but at myself for getting played. I can't believe it. I have plenty of opportunities, but this girl was different. she was someone I thought I could settle down with. but I've seen her hanging out with that dude before I met her and people have said they have seen them hanging out together. I mean, I didn't see them hook up, but she's a private person.
so the advice I would give to others is the advice I must follow...UPGRADE! F THAT HO! Frig man...that really sucks! Freaking hurt me. I mean, rejection sucks.
I'm about to buy an aypg or myps. I blew off soo many girls to be with this one. three were hot...just not as smart.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to go back there but my friends like hanging out there...grrrr!
now that I have a commission coming soon, I can focus on a girlfriend.
I am journaling to record my progress...I needed to write that. so, I will start with the positives, even though I originally wanted to bitch, but once I started writing it changed. I think I met someone who can help with one of my dream goals in life. the projects he talked about lit an inspirational fire in my heart that I haven't felt in a long time. a tear came to my eye...so emotional...
I haven't slept yet since yesterday. I went to hang out with a group and in said group is a girl I like. when we first met, I was interested in someone else. 6 months go by, someone else was being stupid, so I moved on. now I start showing interest in group girl. Mixed signals. she's hugging and touching one day then arctic the next...last night starts out touchy and fun, then shots start flowing...I'm like ok, cool, maybe I can escalate this good vibe going on, but the rest of the group was still there. slowly, one by one people left. down to me, my friend ( who was trashed ), and the crush. My friend left, I walked him out, smoked a cigarette and when I came back...the girl I HAD a crush on was talking to some dude who hangs out there regularly. I'm like ok, he's a friend. 5 minutes go by, whatever. another 10 minutes go by...wtf... I standing by myself like some chode...now I'm like pissed...not at her, but at myself for getting played. I can't believe it. I have plenty of opportunities, but this girl was different. she was someone I thought I could settle down with. but I've seen her hanging out with that dude before I met her and people have said they have seen them hanging out together. I mean, I didn't see them hook up, but she's a private person.
so the advice I would give to others is the advice I must follow...UPGRADE! F THAT HO! Frig man...that really sucks! Freaking hurt me. I mean, rejection sucks.
I'm about to buy an aypg or myps. I blew off soo many girls to be with this one. three were hot...just not as smart.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to go back there but my friends like hanging out there...grrrr!
now that I have a commission coming soon, I can focus on a girlfriend.
