Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal

[ArcticFox]

In-The-Moment State Shifting is pretty awesome, isn't it?

I don't fully understand it, but my awareness and ability to steer situations that my old conscious would be happy to sabotage, into calmer more mature outcomes is amazing.

Now for some journalling:

For a long time now I get bitter towards my mum for being negative - especially when speaking on the phone, her attitude frustrates me and makes me angry. This is my fault as I'm expecting her to take advice, I want her to be happy, to get out more, go for walks and do things that make her happy but I cant help her. I never have much to tell my parents other than my job is going fine, and I'm well and happy - so the conversation is often difficult. It would be different if I had kids and a mortgage i guess? They like to talk about that sort of stuff.

I always end up feeling bad after the conversation because I don't feel we really connect when speaking on the phone, that in turn then makes me feel guilty and that I'm unkind/not nice.

Dad has always supported my older brothers with business and property company, but never involved me. I want to blame him and my brothers for this but have accepted this as my responsibility for not being involved.

Regarding my growth:

Recently I've ramped up my self improvement. I have listened to the "Slight Edge" at least 3 times. I'm currently Reading "Thinks and Grow Rich" and listening to "The Miracle Morning" when I cant read.

Need to get back to healthy sexual relations with women, I think pron and kinked fantasies are stopping me from having a healthy sex life. I need to apply some discipline here (and not the kinky kind) :exclamation:

Health and social life:

The slight edge has spurred me onto more regular runs and yoga.

I finally managed to go to a social cycle meet up group. I can remember the anxiety and fear I faced when going on the first meet, its crazy now I think of it. My mind was thinking of every excuse in the book not to go - I think I wrote about this in a previous entry.

This has spurred me on to buy a new road/gravel bike. This means I can go on long rides, 40+ miles. I'm really loving the freedom and fun its giving me. I even organised my own meet up and had 4 people turn up for the ride which I lead the whole way!

The more I think about it the more it amazes me how much I am developing, day by day, bit by bit, EPRHA is bringing me back on track.