05-02-2016, 07:54 AM
My heads been a mess these past few days. The new job is taking a lot of energy out of me, but the anxiety is slowly getting better. I'm slowly feeling like I'm starting to care less, but in a good way. Like even if I screw up or get fired it's alright and that's been lessening my anxiety. Also I've just been myself at work instead of the extroverted personality the company wants and it's been a huge relief. There's so much more that can be said in the way you carry yourself and your energy than what you actually say. I've realized people still find me pleasant even if I don't say much.
But one thing has still really been troubling me. I've been working on this track for a while now and I've ended up stuck and not knowing how to progress. After reading a lot about how long it takes other artists to finish their tracks I've realized I spend too much time on mine. Then I get upset when I don't have enough time to make music, but I should be getting a lot more done in an hour than I currently am. The thing I've realized is it's really just a form of procrastination because making completed songs is still a daunting task for me. I know I can do it. I just overthink it. I'm only at a certain skill level and my problem is I keep expecting my tracks to turn out like the artists I admire. So instead of just finishing and moving onto another one, I go back and endlessly tweak small things thinking that's what's going to make the difference and it's not.
One of the things that really got me though was I was reading an interview with a producer I like and the interviewer asked him what the most difficult part of making music was. And he responded that it wasn't difficult and it shouldn't be, he just has fun. And I just wanted that. I feel like everything in my life comes as a struggle. I can say with about 90% certainty that it probably is just a result of being a perfectionist. Just constantly having that bar set too high hurts me more than it helps.
But one thing has still really been troubling me. I've been working on this track for a while now and I've ended up stuck and not knowing how to progress. After reading a lot about how long it takes other artists to finish their tracks I've realized I spend too much time on mine. Then I get upset when I don't have enough time to make music, but I should be getting a lot more done in an hour than I currently am. The thing I've realized is it's really just a form of procrastination because making completed songs is still a daunting task for me. I know I can do it. I just overthink it. I'm only at a certain skill level and my problem is I keep expecting my tracks to turn out like the artists I admire. So instead of just finishing and moving onto another one, I go back and endlessly tweak small things thinking that's what's going to make the difference and it's not.
One of the things that really got me though was I was reading an interview with a producer I like and the interviewer asked him what the most difficult part of making music was. And he responded that it wasn't difficult and it shouldn't be, he just has fun. And I just wanted that. I feel like everything in my life comes as a struggle. I can say with about 90% certainty that it probably is just a result of being a perfectionist. Just constantly having that bar set too high hurts me more than it helps.
