04-19-2016, 10:44 AM
It's the last day of stage 2. I've already made summary a couple days back, so today I will just outline what I intent to do next stage and next year. Or at least what I hope to achieve.
I got quite bitter this last stage, mainly because I struggle between being alpha and tending to my own selfish need on the one hand, and being nice and emphatic beta on the other. I wish I could join those world together, but they are not compatible. One is harsh truth while second is sweet lie. Lie I want to believe in. In next stage I will stop just trying to find myself: I will start putting my newly learnt knowledge into action. I will be more assertive, more unapologetic towards what I want. You don't like what I do? I don't care. I promised something? Well, so did every marriage before divorce.
I only hope there will be no paralyzing fear during this stage. Last month there were many days where I felt like shit, I could make things done due to my emotions. I regret that, but I feel there was nothing I could do about it.
As to long-term plans I would love to start doing LOA stuff again, but I don't think it's good idea with such bitterness and sadness within me at this time. That would probably only backfire on me. One way or the other I'm quite sure that current girl was due to manifestation, I'd not want waste further opportunities. Also exercising LOA gives nice feeling of hope, I could use that as well.
What I will not do now, however, is getting into dating stage just yet. I'll wait for that after I'm done with AM and I start BIATBW again. Of course I will pursue opportunity if one arises, but I will not actively seek it. I really need to figure out myself before I will look for somebody else. I think it only makes sense. Also, if only I will have enough money, I will start WM somewhere around December-January. I could use not only results with women, but also other things that sub has to offer. And since my second AM is so much different than first one and sub seems to settle nicely (it's still a hard process though), I think I'll be ready.
I got quite bitter this last stage, mainly because I struggle between being alpha and tending to my own selfish need on the one hand, and being nice and emphatic beta on the other. I wish I could join those world together, but they are not compatible. One is harsh truth while second is sweet lie. Lie I want to believe in. In next stage I will stop just trying to find myself: I will start putting my newly learnt knowledge into action. I will be more assertive, more unapologetic towards what I want. You don't like what I do? I don't care. I promised something? Well, so did every marriage before divorce.
I only hope there will be no paralyzing fear during this stage. Last month there were many days where I felt like shit, I could make things done due to my emotions. I regret that, but I feel there was nothing I could do about it.
As to long-term plans I would love to start doing LOA stuff again, but I don't think it's good idea with such bitterness and sadness within me at this time. That would probably only backfire on me. One way or the other I'm quite sure that current girl was due to manifestation, I'd not want waste further opportunities. Also exercising LOA gives nice feeling of hope, I could use that as well.
What I will not do now, however, is getting into dating stage just yet. I'll wait for that after I'm done with AM and I start BIATBW again. Of course I will pursue opportunity if one arises, but I will not actively seek it. I really need to figure out myself before I will look for somebody else. I think it only makes sense. Also, if only I will have enough money, I will start WM somewhere around December-January. I could use not only results with women, but also other things that sub has to offer. And since my second AM is so much different than first one and sub seems to settle nicely (it's still a hard process though), I think I'll be ready.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
