04-17-2016, 06:10 PM
Just have to go through the motions here and...
I believe my family loves and supports me, but... I do believe they have no clue how. So, for some, I don't know, reason all the worst possible memories of each person flooded to me at the party. I'm talking deep wounds from each person. Oh man did that suck. I was as social as I could be but the night was awkward. I did everything I could think of to feel better but then someone would mention something that would trigger another wound, ugh. Without trying to relive the moments again, it just sucked. Almost to the point of me going out and getting blackout drunk by myself. Almost. Luckily, I started playing the sub as soon as I got home, while writing this post all the negative vibes are changing into a peaceful calm, whew, that was close. I feel sooooo much better now. But only peaceful and calm. There is no joy today, I am at zero. All my positives are just holding resistance at bay. I won the battle tonight and it has left me worn out.
I believe my family loves and supports me, but... I do believe they have no clue how. So, for some, I don't know, reason all the worst possible memories of each person flooded to me at the party. I'm talking deep wounds from each person. Oh man did that suck. I was as social as I could be but the night was awkward. I did everything I could think of to feel better but then someone would mention something that would trigger another wound, ugh. Without trying to relive the moments again, it just sucked. Almost to the point of me going out and getting blackout drunk by myself. Almost. Luckily, I started playing the sub as soon as I got home, while writing this post all the negative vibes are changing into a peaceful calm, whew, that was close. I feel sooooo much better now. But only peaceful and calm. There is no joy today, I am at zero. All my positives are just holding resistance at bay. I won the battle tonight and it has left me worn out.
