04-25-2011, 08:33 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-25-2011, 08:37 AM by WildFlower.)
I'm on Stage 4 now but it's way to early to make any remarks about how Stage 4 is affecting me. Stage 3 gave me a temper towards other peoples crap and gave me the boldness to express it.
My head was a bit scattery yesterday, my train of thought and threads would jump from one thing to another somewhat incoherently. Consequently I wasn't getting any joy from conversations or socialising. A few of my cousins came round and after several hours of forced socialising I was more in the swing of things. I couldn't conceive of having in-depth conversations but I'd picked myself up enough for lighter, small talk. Still I didn't feel much like going out, but another, deeper, part of me forced myself to do so; I'm thinking that this may have been the affect of the subliminal. Anyway I went out, and although I felt masculine and confident - as I always do - I didn't feel sexually desirable, as I so often usually do. I wasn't having self-doubting thoughts like "what do I have to offer?" etc. none of that. It was just a more dull, background 'atmosphere' that I was aware of. I think this so often happens when I become more of a realist towards a particular aspect of myself, which forces an epiphany and the motivation to take a giant leap forwards.
I don't know what could have brought this on. I'm aware that Stage 3 has really drawn me towards my natural tendency to be introverted (using the Jungian definition) to enjoy my own time, my own thoughts, reading, solitude, Yoga, meditation; and be far less concerned with extroverted activities. Even the enjoyment I found spending time with others took on a more low key nature. I went camping last weekend with a few close friends, and I found it much more enjoyable and rewarding than being in the bars and clubs with hundreds of other people. Stage 3 was about the low key me. Usually my return to more extroverted activities is met with a disparity between 'my own little world' and the real world; I usually have a minor crisis about "how could I have been so wrong about myself for so long?" and then I close the gap. It feels like waking up one morning as a realist, and all self-denial has vanished; which isn't necessarily comforting because the self-denial has been hiding and suppressing the truth about ourselves which is so plain for all others to see. We have essentially fallen into a rut on the basis of the false belief; but because we've lived unaware that the belief was false we already know what it feels like to be what it is we already thought we were and so, luckily, it's easy to make amends and usually pretty effortless once it's brought to our attention. I think this is a necessarily cycle of using the Alpha set and self-denial a crucial component of it - at least for me, anyway. We start of at A; the sub tells up we're at B; we start to believe we're at B when really we've only just left A; we continue to believe we're at B; we abruptly realise we aren't at B; we start to despair that we're not at B; we look around in a panic see B not so far in the distance, and take a leap to reach it; we reach B and the journey's complete. We got from A to B as intended and it wouldn't have been possible without self-denial.
Man I'm waffling, but like I said, Stage 3 has intensified my self reflection. For all I know none of this has anything to do with the dull feeling I wasn't all that desirable and I just had a off kilter day. After all I still spent a lot of last night making out with this really cute, curly haired blonde girl. However, I'm aware I've been self-absorbed recently and this certainly won't have added to my desirability - so time to change it. I remember why I referred to this set with a cocoon-butterfly metaphor last time. I've grown a lot in the past 3 months, and my attention has been focused inwards; internally. I now feel like I want to express myself more outwards; externally. I feel I want to make some new friends, see some new places, try some new things. Outward, extroverted focus. This is a tricky balancing act for me - I think morose for me than some others - I think it's an INFJ thing. I won't be compromising any of the introverted activities I mentioned earlier but the butterfly is definitely spreading his wings.
I should note that none of this necessarily coincides with anything in the sub. It occurred to me the other day that 5 of my school friends are now living in Australia on long, semi-vacation style trips.They didn't go together; they're there on separate, non-related, non-influenced trips. I also saw the other day that my ex-girlfriend of a few years ago recently set of travelling, leaving this note behind for us all "Aprill 2011 i set off on my new adventure and left my home town and never looked back. The people and the places i have seen are amazing, im chuffed to be able to say im finally living my dream
" We split up as friends, because her Mum and Dad split up, she got depressed and ended up on medication for it. It's really good to see how she's improved her situation and things are going well for her. These antidotes of other people making the most of themselves has arose in me this desire, I think, to get more involved in extroverted activities. There is zero jealously in that desire though, and that is one thing I can attribute to the sub.
I'm not sure how other's will take this message. reading it back it could be interoperated as somewhat negative, but I've seen a lot of improvements from the sub recently and things feel on the up.
My head was a bit scattery yesterday, my train of thought and threads would jump from one thing to another somewhat incoherently. Consequently I wasn't getting any joy from conversations or socialising. A few of my cousins came round and after several hours of forced socialising I was more in the swing of things. I couldn't conceive of having in-depth conversations but I'd picked myself up enough for lighter, small talk. Still I didn't feel much like going out, but another, deeper, part of me forced myself to do so; I'm thinking that this may have been the affect of the subliminal. Anyway I went out, and although I felt masculine and confident - as I always do - I didn't feel sexually desirable, as I so often usually do. I wasn't having self-doubting thoughts like "what do I have to offer?" etc. none of that. It was just a more dull, background 'atmosphere' that I was aware of. I think this so often happens when I become more of a realist towards a particular aspect of myself, which forces an epiphany and the motivation to take a giant leap forwards.
I don't know what could have brought this on. I'm aware that Stage 3 has really drawn me towards my natural tendency to be introverted (using the Jungian definition) to enjoy my own time, my own thoughts, reading, solitude, Yoga, meditation; and be far less concerned with extroverted activities. Even the enjoyment I found spending time with others took on a more low key nature. I went camping last weekend with a few close friends, and I found it much more enjoyable and rewarding than being in the bars and clubs with hundreds of other people. Stage 3 was about the low key me. Usually my return to more extroverted activities is met with a disparity between 'my own little world' and the real world; I usually have a minor crisis about "how could I have been so wrong about myself for so long?" and then I close the gap. It feels like waking up one morning as a realist, and all self-denial has vanished; which isn't necessarily comforting because the self-denial has been hiding and suppressing the truth about ourselves which is so plain for all others to see. We have essentially fallen into a rut on the basis of the false belief; but because we've lived unaware that the belief was false we already know what it feels like to be what it is we already thought we were and so, luckily, it's easy to make amends and usually pretty effortless once it's brought to our attention. I think this is a necessarily cycle of using the Alpha set and self-denial a crucial component of it - at least for me, anyway. We start of at A; the sub tells up we're at B; we start to believe we're at B when really we've only just left A; we continue to believe we're at B; we abruptly realise we aren't at B; we start to despair that we're not at B; we look around in a panic see B not so far in the distance, and take a leap to reach it; we reach B and the journey's complete. We got from A to B as intended and it wouldn't have been possible without self-denial.
Man I'm waffling, but like I said, Stage 3 has intensified my self reflection. For all I know none of this has anything to do with the dull feeling I wasn't all that desirable and I just had a off kilter day. After all I still spent a lot of last night making out with this really cute, curly haired blonde girl. However, I'm aware I've been self-absorbed recently and this certainly won't have added to my desirability - so time to change it. I remember why I referred to this set with a cocoon-butterfly metaphor last time. I've grown a lot in the past 3 months, and my attention has been focused inwards; internally. I now feel like I want to express myself more outwards; externally. I feel I want to make some new friends, see some new places, try some new things. Outward, extroverted focus. This is a tricky balancing act for me - I think morose for me than some others - I think it's an INFJ thing. I won't be compromising any of the introverted activities I mentioned earlier but the butterfly is definitely spreading his wings.
I should note that none of this necessarily coincides with anything in the sub. It occurred to me the other day that 5 of my school friends are now living in Australia on long, semi-vacation style trips.They didn't go together; they're there on separate, non-related, non-influenced trips. I also saw the other day that my ex-girlfriend of a few years ago recently set of travelling, leaving this note behind for us all "Aprill 2011 i set off on my new adventure and left my home town and never looked back. The people and the places i have seen are amazing, im chuffed to be able to say im finally living my dream
" We split up as friends, because her Mum and Dad split up, she got depressed and ended up on medication for it. It's really good to see how she's improved her situation and things are going well for her. These antidotes of other people making the most of themselves has arose in me this desire, I think, to get more involved in extroverted activities. There is zero jealously in that desire though, and that is one thing I can attribute to the sub.I'm not sure how other's will take this message. reading it back it could be interoperated as somewhat negative, but I've seen a lot of improvements from the sub recently and things feel on the up.
“To be normal is the ideal aim of the unsuccessful.” - Carl Jung
