03-31-2016, 06:40 AM
(03-30-2016, 06:00 PM)Shannon Wrote: My first car accident radically changed the way I drive. I am now much more cautious, and I tend to plan ahead a lot. Switch lanes far in advance, slow down earlier than other people, give myself more space to buffer, etc.
This has resulted in me getting in accidents so rarely that my insurance rates are extremely low, and they go down every year. Most people on the road aren't taking it seriously that they're driving a 2,000+ pound potential death machine. You have to take it seriously for them.
Yeah I've been in the car with my brother a few times since the accident and he's criticizing me for waiting for an opening at a left turn. He's still under the assumption that because there is gap you can make it across. But people are so unpredictable you never know what that other driver is doing and it's safer to wait. Plus everyone is always in such a rush. It's not only dangerous to themselves, but when they rush other people too it causes accidents. I swear some kind of primitive instinct kicks in when people drive.
On a completely unrelated topic, today feels like one of those days. I've been making a lot of progress, but I still have these moments where I feel so far away from getting to where I need to be. Old issues pop up and I think to myself "this again? I thought I moved on from this". But if anything it's taught me the need to be completely honest with how I feel. As crappy as it feels to go through it, I'd rather go through it several times over until it's completely healed than be dishonest with myself and tell myself I've moved on.
I think I might just be a little burned out from the job interview and city travel and need some time to recollect myself. Probably gonna go hiking this weekend if it's nice out. Nature always seems to center me.
Oh one more thing, it's on the subject of fear. This is going to sound completely irrational but I've realized I have a fear of losing knowledge. I've been making a lot of progress with my music and part of me thinks I'm just getting lucky and one day I'll lose all this ability and knowledge I've built up and be back at square one. Crazy I know. I think that's why I have a tendency to read as much as possible on this stuff. I feel like I need to have a sort of safety float in the vast sea of knowledge because I don't trust myself to make decisions. But that presents it's own problems when that obsessive research stems more from fear than the actual exploration of new ideas. Something that I've been learning to separate these past few weeks.
