03-29-2016, 09:01 PM
8
i noticed i tend to shame myself if i set expectations for myself, make them vocal, and then these expectations fall short. i really don't like it, and now it's gotten me self conscious of what i say out loud. which is good, because the whole world doesn't need to know me like an open book.
i realized this when i discovered it as a trigger today. I was told that the job in india that i was expecting to be going to in SEPTEMBER of 2015, which ended up getting pushed to november, and then again to january before i called it quits.... is back on and available for me again. however, this time, my ticket to india has already been booked and i am planning to be in pune, india in 30 days. (shout out to my indian brothers on subliminal talk, maybe we can meet up in person!) so now i am taking care on who i tell about this new event unfolding in order to avoid further situations where i would shame myself if it falls through again. i very much believe this to be a strong indicator that E2's ability to prevent future harm is working.
i also talked with the lady friend, and she hinted that our intimate relationship will be coming to an end soon, which i am completely okay with for various reasons. i'm not attached to our emotional/sexual relationship.
i also discovered today that i tend to invent reasons why i get confused emotionally, and thus make life much harder on myself than it needs to be. @Alpha360 even told me about this in one of his astro readings he did for me, but now i'm starting to see the correlation.
unfortunately, every day still feels a little uncomfortable, and i feel like i'm just coasting through this discomfort. i'd say it's like a mild form of depression, but it's not a sadness by any means. a good cry sounds like it would be pretty useful right about now...
i noticed i tend to shame myself if i set expectations for myself, make them vocal, and then these expectations fall short. i really don't like it, and now it's gotten me self conscious of what i say out loud. which is good, because the whole world doesn't need to know me like an open book.
i realized this when i discovered it as a trigger today. I was told that the job in india that i was expecting to be going to in SEPTEMBER of 2015, which ended up getting pushed to november, and then again to january before i called it quits.... is back on and available for me again. however, this time, my ticket to india has already been booked and i am planning to be in pune, india in 30 days. (shout out to my indian brothers on subliminal talk, maybe we can meet up in person!) so now i am taking care on who i tell about this new event unfolding in order to avoid further situations where i would shame myself if it falls through again. i very much believe this to be a strong indicator that E2's ability to prevent future harm is working.
i also talked with the lady friend, and she hinted that our intimate relationship will be coming to an end soon, which i am completely okay with for various reasons. i'm not attached to our emotional/sexual relationship.
i also discovered today that i tend to invent reasons why i get confused emotionally, and thus make life much harder on myself than it needs to be. @Alpha360 even told me about this in one of his astro readings he did for me, but now i'm starting to see the correlation.
unfortunately, every day still feels a little uncomfortable, and i feel like i'm just coasting through this discomfort. i'd say it's like a mild form of depression, but it's not a sadness by any means. a good cry sounds like it would be pretty useful right about now...
