03-26-2016, 09:53 AM
You read a lot about letting go when it comes to self help. I know I struggle with actually letting go of things. It's gotten to the point where I simply just try too hard. I'm so focused on the end goal of releasing whatever is bothering me that I completely ignore the emotions. Some thoughts and feelings get stuffed away and I think that I've let go of them when in reality they were stuffed under my conscious awareness. So it still gnaws at me, but now I don't even consciously realize it so it's potentially worse.
At this point in my life I realize how being a perfectionist has hurt me so badly. In order to avoid rejection I strive to perfect myself. I try to become invulnerable to insecurities, master my emotions, etc. It seems like I'm never ok with not being ok. Like I always have to be at the top of my game. If I could refine that drive so I still strive for great things, but don't get super critical about my shortcomings I feel like it would lead me towards success.
Recently I've noticed with my music that I haven't been taking the time to study other artists and learn and grow. And I was very blind to my shortcomings despite being a perfectionist. In a way I was under a delusion that I was better than I actually was. I wasn't finishing songs, but I told myself it was ok because my ideas were great. But that's not enough. There's so much more growing and learning I have to do. I can't keep being afraid and avoiding the hard stuff in music just to reinforce my ego.
At this point in my life I realize how being a perfectionist has hurt me so badly. In order to avoid rejection I strive to perfect myself. I try to become invulnerable to insecurities, master my emotions, etc. It seems like I'm never ok with not being ok. Like I always have to be at the top of my game. If I could refine that drive so I still strive for great things, but don't get super critical about my shortcomings I feel like it would lead me towards success.
Recently I've noticed with my music that I haven't been taking the time to study other artists and learn and grow. And I was very blind to my shortcomings despite being a perfectionist. In a way I was under a delusion that I was better than I actually was. I wasn't finishing songs, but I told myself it was ok because my ideas were great. But that's not enough. There's so much more growing and learning I have to do. I can't keep being afraid and avoiding the hard stuff in music just to reinforce my ego.
