03-12-2016, 08:40 AM
Today has been going alright. I made that call with less anxiety than the other day. Might have been due to a weird dream I had that put stuff in perspective for me.
So the dream was me about to be hypnotized to help with all my issues I've been having. But I don't trust the hypnotist so I run away. She manages to strap me down so I can't go anywhere and goes through the hypnosis. I wake up and criticize her for trying to control me, but then she says she's only trying to help and she can't help if I don't allow her to. At that point I felt like an idiot for resisting everything and then agreed to give it another shot.
Maybe I'm wrong here, but that pretty much seems like a conversation from two opposing sides of my mind finally reaching an agreement. At which point I realized I've been sabotaging my success all along by constantly being afraid to trust whatever positive things would come from allowing the subliminals to work. In my mind I wanted to change, but the fear of change outweighed the positives of it. I thought I knew how to let go, but I've realized I really didn't. So many realizations I had and conscious awareness of my problems were just that, on the surface. They never made it any deeper. But this change I really feel on a gut level and it's not like I'm pretending anymore and trying to convince myself of it.
After this the subliminal has taken on a drastically different feel. Yesterday I would listen to it and feel incredibly tired and heavy like I wanted to sleep. Which I think was a manifestation of resisting. When I was younger whenever my life got difficult I'd just sleep because I was too afraid to face things head on. But now I feel like it's giving me a gentle massage and a feeling of peace and compassion is washing over me. It also feels like a giant ball of lead has left my stomach which I didn't even know was there. I also feel like so many released emotions are flooding to the surface, but I'm not clamping down on them and pushing them away like I used to. Like for the first time in my life I'm actually validating my own emotional problems and giving myself compassion without worrying about coming across as weak. And the best part is I don't need to know why or where these emotions are coming from, I'm just healing them and the stories attached to them don't matter.
I'd say this is a pretty big step for me in just gaining more trust in the subliminals and feeling a sense of support from them instead of an underlying fear.
So the dream was me about to be hypnotized to help with all my issues I've been having. But I don't trust the hypnotist so I run away. She manages to strap me down so I can't go anywhere and goes through the hypnosis. I wake up and criticize her for trying to control me, but then she says she's only trying to help and she can't help if I don't allow her to. At that point I felt like an idiot for resisting everything and then agreed to give it another shot.
Maybe I'm wrong here, but that pretty much seems like a conversation from two opposing sides of my mind finally reaching an agreement. At which point I realized I've been sabotaging my success all along by constantly being afraid to trust whatever positive things would come from allowing the subliminals to work. In my mind I wanted to change, but the fear of change outweighed the positives of it. I thought I knew how to let go, but I've realized I really didn't. So many realizations I had and conscious awareness of my problems were just that, on the surface. They never made it any deeper. But this change I really feel on a gut level and it's not like I'm pretending anymore and trying to convince myself of it.
After this the subliminal has taken on a drastically different feel. Yesterday I would listen to it and feel incredibly tired and heavy like I wanted to sleep. Which I think was a manifestation of resisting. When I was younger whenever my life got difficult I'd just sleep because I was too afraid to face things head on. But now I feel like it's giving me a gentle massage and a feeling of peace and compassion is washing over me. It also feels like a giant ball of lead has left my stomach which I didn't even know was there. I also feel like so many released emotions are flooding to the surface, but I'm not clamping down on them and pushing them away like I used to. Like for the first time in my life I'm actually validating my own emotional problems and giving myself compassion without worrying about coming across as weak. And the best part is I don't need to know why or where these emotions are coming from, I'm just healing them and the stories attached to them don't matter.
I'd say this is a pretty big step for me in just gaining more trust in the subliminals and feeling a sense of support from them instead of an underlying fear.
