03-10-2016, 08:02 AM
Thanks guys! I'll try to keep up with my journal more when I notice anything. I'm noticing my desire to post more about my life increases the more I run this sub. Less hesitant I guess, with 1.0 I was in a sort of isolated state.
I notice I'm becoming a lot more open. When I go out I no longer feel like people are a threat to me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've always been the type of person that is on guard and untrusting of people's motives. This is going to sound really abstract, but I can feel it in my energy without even having any verbal communication. It's like before I was pulled into myself and constantly analyzing the world from behind a sort of barrier. But now I'm projected out into the world more.
I had a bit of a rough patch yesterday though. I was really excited about how well 2.0 was working and I overextended myself and didn't give myself enough rest when I needed it. And part of that is because I realize I compare myself with others too much. So on occasions when I've felt like I've needed a bit of a rest to regain my energy I've criticized myself for needing that because there are other people out in the world doing 10x as much work as me who probably need it more. Especially here in the U.S. there's a guilt complex surrounding "not being productive", that's probably rubbed off on me a bit.
I also had a realization why I'm having trouble reading some books I'm interested in learning from. A lot of the books I'm reading come from people that are a lot better at what they do than me, which triggers that comparison reaction. So I'll be trying to read but thinking things like I'm so far away from being as good and knowledgeable as them about this material. That causes stress and then I lose focus. Little by little, I'm noticing this behavior decreasing and it's made it easier for me to focus because my self worth isn't tied up in learning something.
I've always been hesitant of trying new stuff since I was a kid and I think it's because I'm an idealist. I see the destination of where I want to be and I'm able to be really realistic about where I'm at. I've come to realize it's a good trait to have because it keeps me humble and always striving to do better. But I've also realized if it isn't kept under control or managed it just turns into this paralysis that prevents me from growing or trying new things.
And one more thing. Since running this sub for a bit now and lowering that fear I'm having an easier time making my music. I'm not as filled with doubts about my creative decisions and stuck in a limiting view of what I should be doing. I'm hoping this continues as I've often felt my lack of progress with my music was just due to me avoiding it out of fear.
That's all for now. This is probably my most positive post in a while. It's good to feel like I'm slowly distancing myself from these things instead of getting sucked into them.
I notice I'm becoming a lot more open. When I go out I no longer feel like people are a threat to me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've always been the type of person that is on guard and untrusting of people's motives. This is going to sound really abstract, but I can feel it in my energy without even having any verbal communication. It's like before I was pulled into myself and constantly analyzing the world from behind a sort of barrier. But now I'm projected out into the world more.
I had a bit of a rough patch yesterday though. I was really excited about how well 2.0 was working and I overextended myself and didn't give myself enough rest when I needed it. And part of that is because I realize I compare myself with others too much. So on occasions when I've felt like I've needed a bit of a rest to regain my energy I've criticized myself for needing that because there are other people out in the world doing 10x as much work as me who probably need it more. Especially here in the U.S. there's a guilt complex surrounding "not being productive", that's probably rubbed off on me a bit.
I also had a realization why I'm having trouble reading some books I'm interested in learning from. A lot of the books I'm reading come from people that are a lot better at what they do than me, which triggers that comparison reaction. So I'll be trying to read but thinking things like I'm so far away from being as good and knowledgeable as them about this material. That causes stress and then I lose focus. Little by little, I'm noticing this behavior decreasing and it's made it easier for me to focus because my self worth isn't tied up in learning something.
I've always been hesitant of trying new stuff since I was a kid and I think it's because I'm an idealist. I see the destination of where I want to be and I'm able to be really realistic about where I'm at. I've come to realize it's a good trait to have because it keeps me humble and always striving to do better. But I've also realized if it isn't kept under control or managed it just turns into this paralysis that prevents me from growing or trying new things.
And one more thing. Since running this sub for a bit now and lowering that fear I'm having an easier time making my music. I'm not as filled with doubts about my creative decisions and stuck in a limiting view of what I should be doing. I'm hoping this continues as I've often felt my lack of progress with my music was just due to me avoiding it out of fear.
That's all for now. This is probably my most positive post in a while. It's good to feel like I'm slowly distancing myself from these things instead of getting sucked into them.
