65 days remaining
well, SHIT! it seems nearly all of my issues with women and sex are DEEPLY impacted by guilt and shame!
After sex last night, her and I started talking about our previous sexual partners, and when asked about my first sexual encounter, I had no problem whatsoever talking about it, but I went immediately dead silent when I thought about the other one. There is so much guilt and shame tied into the 6 months I was with that girl (second sexual partner), and I saw clearly how bad it f***s with my conscious desire to be with a woman. That shit is so deep rooted and embedded in my subconscious, and i had MAD insight of clarity into what my major problem is. It's guilt, and shame.
it actually made the next hour in bed with her extremely awkward, but she's such a good friend and i was able to talk it out with her, and she was my sounding board for bouncing these thoughts to her, and her bouncing back with advice, suggestions, and overall she was just a great ear to listen to my bullshit. And for what it's worth, the next time we had sex after that, I lasted a whole 12 minutes instead of 2 or 3 minutes before that. I wonder if processing guilt and shame related to sexuality contributed to that??????
as a sidenote, i'm pretty sure SM3 manifested her as a perfect sexual lover for where i'm at in my sexuality journey.
SO WHAT DOES ALL THAT MEAN?
I will almost certainly be buying EPRHA2.0 when it comes out, and switching to that immediately.
I feel like I have been fighting against myself and my need to switch to guilt and shame and fear destruction because my ego and pride wanted to reaffirm to myself that my decision to do OF5G was the right decision. So I shall officially put down my pride and ego and humbly start E2
well, SHIT! it seems nearly all of my issues with women and sex are DEEPLY impacted by guilt and shame!
After sex last night, her and I started talking about our previous sexual partners, and when asked about my first sexual encounter, I had no problem whatsoever talking about it, but I went immediately dead silent when I thought about the other one. There is so much guilt and shame tied into the 6 months I was with that girl (second sexual partner), and I saw clearly how bad it f***s with my conscious desire to be with a woman. That shit is so deep rooted and embedded in my subconscious, and i had MAD insight of clarity into what my major problem is. It's guilt, and shame.
it actually made the next hour in bed with her extremely awkward, but she's such a good friend and i was able to talk it out with her, and she was my sounding board for bouncing these thoughts to her, and her bouncing back with advice, suggestions, and overall she was just a great ear to listen to my bullshit. And for what it's worth, the next time we had sex after that, I lasted a whole 12 minutes instead of 2 or 3 minutes before that. I wonder if processing guilt and shame related to sexuality contributed to that??????
as a sidenote, i'm pretty sure SM3 manifested her as a perfect sexual lover for where i'm at in my sexuality journey.
SO WHAT DOES ALL THAT MEAN?
I will almost certainly be buying EPRHA2.0 when it comes out, and switching to that immediately.
I feel like I have been fighting against myself and my need to switch to guilt and shame and fear destruction because my ego and pride wanted to reaffirm to myself that my decision to do OF5G was the right decision. So I shall officially put down my pride and ego and humbly start E2
