A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

Anger and frustration return. For some reason it feels like I've reverted to a state I have not felt in over a decade, a time when I used to have hair-trigger rage; the littlest thing used to set me off and now it feels like that could easily happen again currently. My neighbor's dogs, for example, very much test the limits of my patience with them, even though my rational mind knows they are of (theoretically) lesser intelligence.

A couple of days ago I began to add gingko biloba to my daily supplements regimen, but this anger was around before that. I reduced the times I use certain pheromones, as I need to save up my stock for more efficient occasions and my money for certain technology repairs that I've been putting off until my college financial aid deposited.

Daily supplements are now vitamin D3 5000 IU, zinc 50mg, indole-3-carbinol 200mg, 2 capsules horny goat weed, and 90mg+45mg gingko biloba. I also take Lexapro 5mg anti-depressant nightly as prescribed by a doctor.

Diet is weird. I've removed all supermarket chicken and replaced my soy-based protein bars (Clif Builders bars, chocolate peanut butter flavor) with whey-based protein bars (Quest bars, cookies & cream flavor). I've replaced the soy+whey protein based Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus Blended Coffee drinks with Bodytech Hexatein-SR cookies & cream flavor protein powder mixed with milk or half-and-half and used as the creamer to just-brewed coffee. I miss the taste of chicken, Clif bars, and Bolthouse Farms protein drinks.

Some of the anger may be about the changes in diet, probably at myself for various aspects of that change. There also seems to be a lot more frequent flip-flopping between the anger and indifference than there used to be. Haven't figured out just yet what specifically caused that level of disconnect.