Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal

[ArcticFox]

Day 156
Stage 4/6
Stage 3 completed 13/02/2016
Stage 4 started 14/02/2016 (one day break before starting stage 4)
Days completed total = 124
Days missed total = 32
Stage 3 days = 34
Stage 4 days = 12

So I passed the half way mark a couple weeks back. Had a real tough December and January, I was getting back into girls and hitting tinder pretty hard. it backfired on me as my subconscious would self sabotage. I was also drinking heavily and eating really bad, was on a bit of a downward spiral.

So on the 30th Jan had a date that went awful, wanted to sack the girl off but im too nice and dont know how to do it, so just ended up going out for dinner and being really indifferent, and c**ty. I was trying to emulate the DGAF attitude that I read about in "attract models" book, but this attitude is a fine art.

So date ended bad and I go grab a load of beers go home, and smash some white that I had left over from new years. Sit at my kitchen table high and drinking listening to music till 4am and chatting shit on FB.

Sunday I decide enough is enough, going to kick start again with a dry February and not only that but cut out Sugar, Dairy, Gluten, grains and rice by doing the Whole30 Diet - and on top of this I started an Anthony Robbins personal power program.

So I've basically been a hermit this month and have been completely zen, but more like a flat zen not a happy zen - kind of emotionless (I think Matt mentioned this state in his EPRHA journal). Its been great not drinking and going out, saving money and getting some projects done.

The Whole30 diet is life changing, and if you want to see a difference in mood and energy I highly recommend it. The first 2 days I had Kidney ache (flu like) while my body withdrew from sugar and alcohol - pretty scary but felt great after.

Recently I've been getting up and having little to no feelings, when I wake up i look back at the last 10 years and feel nothing, just emptiness as if it didn't even happen, like it was a complete waste. And in reality I think this is true. Now to have a rant....

I've been getting more angry as well, things piss me off. I think my general outlook is that i've been a good citizen, worked hard for 10 years in an honest job helping other people and going about my business without causing any problems, not getting into debt, saving, and not being frivolous or superficial, and being responsible.

Then i look at other people who are obnoxious, dont care about society, only think of themselves, drive around in cars they cant afford, run up massive debts. However it seems to be society favours these people, they are taking the spoils of life by living beyond their means and society supports them, they abuse the system, take what they can and don't give back. they now all own houses, and have jobs in power from being arrogant and extroverted, or have huge benefit payouts by claiming disability for being overweight or having 7 kids and yet they are winning in life.

I look at myself, someone who has tried hard yet has nothing. Everything I have done could be gone in a flash, my job, the flat I rent. It really f**cks me off, I am so disenfranchised from society, the government isn't interested in helping a 30 something responsible single male. However if I was a migrant, a single mum, or if i had 7 kids I would be given a free house and free benefits every week - for doing what? being f**cking Irresponsible. What kind of a model is this, its bullshit

Sorry, rant over!