EHPRA Journal

[mat422]

It's been particularly rough lately with unemployment. Due to my social anxiety my networking skills really suck and because of the fear in general even when I apply for jobs my mind is trying to run away from the situation which causes some undesired consequences. It's like I know I need money, but getting over that fear takes so much willpower and effort I'm just so drained. And the guilt is terrible. I'm not gonna lie, there are plenty of other people out there looking for jobs putting in way more effort than me. I'm not going to delude myself into believing I'm doing the best I can because I know I'm not. I could be doing so much more. But what can I say? I'm my own worst enemy right now.

And I also feel like the strengths I hold aren't valued all that much when it comes to some of these employers. In general I'm independent, quiet, creative, careful planner, and not exactly quick minded but I'm fairly intelligent. They all want extroverted, team players, doers, not thinkers. I'm probably applying for the wrong jobs for my personality type, true. But when you need money it's not exactly a choice anymore. One of the things I can't stand is pretending to be something I'm not. I absolutely hate the pressure to be extroverted in America. I've got enough on my mind, the last thing I need to be told is that I need to change to conform to some standard.