02-20-2016, 09:53 PM
Day 21:
That resistance I mentioned a couple of days ago has intensified. Feelings of shame seem to be on the surface now. I can barely be outside for a day before wanting to hide away. Im becoming more aware of how much shame Ive been living with since I was a little boy. It sounds bleak but I'm seeing just how horrible my life is.
I keep having these feelings of not wanting to live anymore. Im not going to kill myself, so don't worry! I can tell my subconcious feels threatened, which I try to remind myself is a good thing (means it's working). It's quite interesting how hard my subconcious is fighting to keep this guilt, shame and fear...
I was hesitant to post another 'I feel shit' post but it helps me to share and I think it's important to be honest about both the ups and downs of this journey.
That resistance I mentioned a couple of days ago has intensified. Feelings of shame seem to be on the surface now. I can barely be outside for a day before wanting to hide away. Im becoming more aware of how much shame Ive been living with since I was a little boy. It sounds bleak but I'm seeing just how horrible my life is.
I keep having these feelings of not wanting to live anymore. Im not going to kill myself, so don't worry! I can tell my subconcious feels threatened, which I try to remind myself is a good thing (means it's working). It's quite interesting how hard my subconcious is fighting to keep this guilt, shame and fear...
I was hesitant to post another 'I feel shit' post but it helps me to share and I think it's important to be honest about both the ups and downs of this journey.
