journal de la dissonance

[dissonance]

Starting OF 1.1. AM6 has brought me many positive inner improvements and changes, but fear still is a very deep and dominating hinderance in my life, harshly preventing me from being the full expression of my true self. I want to live free.

[dissonance]

Started last night actually. Didn't remember my dreams today. Bummer.

[dissonance]

I had a "scary" dream last night. Basically people were becoming "possessed" similar to the movie invasion of the body snatchers. On the outside they look normal, but they are emotionless and are just at the will of this one leader, who had a pale pasty white face which was a mix between The Joker and the jigsaw face from the movie Saw.

I would keep getting turned into a possessed, but I kept reverting back somehow, and each time I reverted back, I would be cognitively slower and weaker and more foggy, and each time, I would be on the run, and each time, the number of possessed chasing after me would grow. For some random reason, at one point in the dream, I was in my high school locker room, and was spinning the number lock on some random locker, spinning it back and forth like an OCD person would (I have moderate OCD, like biting nails, sometimes, lips, etc, touching surfaces evenly and with symmetrical amounts and spots).

But anyways, later, I wanted to plan to put a recording device somewhere to catch the possessed in action, but I couldn't pull it off. Things were super scattered because it was 3 hours past my normal waking time, and I was snoozing in and out of sleep. At the end of the dream, I was on my way back from some store or someplace, and I slowly noticed possessed people converging on me, and I slowly walked faster and faster, until I saw the "leader" (mix of Joker face and Jigsaw face), near, and just watching the whole thing, so I started running, and the mob got bigger and bigger, until I got stopped by this mob of non-possessed, and they stopped me because I apparently ran through their soccer game going on in their field, and wanted to tell me that I interrupted their game. But I was like "RUN! these people are f@#king possessed or somesh#t, RUN!!!", and I saw them slowly get converted (by getting touched; the longer they were touched, the more strongly they were taken over). Soon, I got to this fence, and climbed it, and they were really close to catching me, but I think I woke up after that.

Also, in the past (before I ever started subs, which was 6 months ago), I would have a recurring dream where I'd have to escape a super crazy and dreadful prison, and each time, I'd have to jump and fly over the walls with my powers to escape, and past the place where I could go over the walls, was like a big mountainous area. It'd be scary because I would have to try really hard to fly over the wall, and I would almost run out of strength to keep flying, but I did. So imagine flying over that wall, and you'd have to try very hard to fly over the prison wall, and it's at night, with guards around, and if you don't fly enough, you wont get over the wall, and the guards will catch you. I would always get past the wall, but then after getting out, I would constantly be fearful and on the lookout for these "hunter" type people who look for me out in the world to bring me back into the prison. I had versions of this dream in the past (again, before I ever started subs), many times, such as after flying over the wall, I'd suddenly uncontrollably fly into another continent like india or china or africa, and sometimes it'd even be an alien city. Also, another version of that dream, is I would escape not by flying over the tall walls, but by sticking my hand in my closet, and climbing into the blankets and sheets squeezed in there and somehow use a teleport that was in there to teleport out. Bizarre, but this was a recurring dream in the past, which was always scary, mainly because of the fear of getting caught and getting sent back to the doomed and dreadful prison.

Also, I think even more into the past, I would have lots of dreams where I could fly, and I would explore the earth and be able to live life being able to fly, and people would be like wow that guy is so amazing, and I'd show off my flying powers lmao. But that was a long time ago. I never have those anymore.

[DarthXedonias]

Its interesting that you had a dream of people being possessed last night because I had something very similar happen last night as well. I dream that we were going to Mars to save some astronaut and landed, kinda of crash landed in a way. Turns out the astronaut released something on mars and ended up getting transformed into some type of alien himself. He actually ended up becoming the leader of them. The reason why your dream interested me was because apparently he had these spiders that came out of his body and "possessed" people. Not only that, I think they started to eat people, slowly, from the inside out. Woke up soon after this realization.

I definitely think the dreams are here to stay with this sub because i'm only on day 8 and have already had 4 dreams. Anyway, didn't want to hijack your thread or anything but found the having similar dreams of people being possessed while on this sub interesting.

[Geodude]

Started last night actually. Didn't remember my dreams today. Bummer.

Don't worry. You'll have so many insanely intense dreams that you'll actually get used to it and it becomes boring.

[dissonance]

Its interesting that you had a dream of people being possessed last night because I had something very similar happen last night as well. I dream that we were going to Mars to save some astronaut and landed, kinda of crash landed in a way. Turns out the astronaut released something on mars and ended up getting transformed into some type of alien himself. He actually ended up becoming the leader of them. The reason why your dream interested me was because apparently he had these spiders that came out of his body and "possessed" people. Not only that, I think they started to eat people, slowly, from the inside out. Woke up soon after this realization.

I definitely think the dreams are here to stay with this sub because i'm only on day 8 and have already had 4 dreams. Anyway, didn't want to hijack your thread or anything but found the having similar dreams of people being possessed while on this sub interesting.

Don't hold back. Any and all input is encouraged.

[dissonance]

Started last night actually. Didn't remember my dreams today. Bummer.

Don't worry. You'll have so many insanely intense dreams that you'll actually get used to it and it becomes boring.

Lol dreams are crazy, absolutely nuts.

[dissonance]

I'm feeling elated as fuck right now for some reason. I feel awesome and just absolutely fucking fantastic. I look in the mirror and say to myself what a sexy mother fucker I am. So far, I haven't hit any turbulent resistance yet.

[dissonance]

I had a good day too on OF, are you gonna switch over to 5G when it's here?

For damn sure I am.

[dissonance]

I'm beginning to notice that I'm feeling less afraid of not putting up an emotional wall between me and my family, but it is still very much there. I haven't actually brought the wall down yet. The idea of letting go is "feeling" less scary and I'm "feeling" less reluctant to do it slowly.

[dissonance]

Maybe some resistance is showing up. I had a little chat with someone yesterday and I had to open up and "expose" my self and my past, my depression, anxiety, etc. Today I'm feeling tired (though I woke up earlier today), and bored, empty, etc.

Desire to put up wall, and the automatic response of putting up emotional wall and somewhat "depersonalize" with family is strong again.

Feeling moody as well. Though this might not be resistance, but just one of those normal moody days, not sure.

[dissonance]

@FrostedFlake - Also added the lego icon to my thread. <3

[dissonance]

@FrostedFlake - Also added the lego icon to my thread. <3

Just noticed that and came by to give you a lecture. Now I see its no use, the virus is spreading.

Lol.

Anyways, took a 2 hour nap, and I feel a lot better. Mood is better, energy is great. Maybe I just needed more sleep. I've been doing 19~ hours a day on average.

[Benjamin]

Hahaha the lego is still going strong, I changed mine back after you noticed but others have taken up the good fight!