Roy's Alpha Male Journal

[Roy]

I have listening to stage four for five days now.It brought up some resistance,some anger about stuff,life,women,felt a bit down for a short while.There were also few dreams about being chased and zombies on few nights.I guess it's a good sign that it's working or internal issues.

I am more productive now and hesitate less about trying new ideas.I think it comes with being less sensitive to criticism.I'm more interested in doing things my way.

Also women seem more interested,I think I get stared at more.Those are different stares now.Like they are checking me out.

I speak my mind more often,expressing myself more.

[Benjamin]

chased and zombies on few nights

hahahaha funny, because I was about to type this in my journal! Every night for the last 4 or so nights i've had dreams of being chased or the feeling of being chased and running away.

Last night zombies were in it.

Hey Shannon, is there a 'you will dream about zombies" command in there?

I'm about to go to a friends place but will type my dream up later.

[Jay]

chased and zombies on few nights

hahahaha funny, because I was about to type this in my journal! Every night for the last 4 or so nights i've had dreams of being chased or the feeling of being chased and running away.

Last night zombies were in it.

Hey Shannon, is there a 'you will dream about zombies" command in there?

I'm about to go to a friends place but will type my dream up later.

Personally I've mostly see zombies as a symbolic reference to being passive/indecisive, since dead people aren't able to make decisions, this is only left for the living. Different dream dictionaries although suggest that if you're attacked by zombies in a dream it means that ~"you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control."

[Roy]

The beginning of stage four is rough for me.Bit surprising because stage three was was almost resistance free for me.The wanting to cry and scream with no emotion feeling is back.Doubts about the effectiveness of it and if it's actually working,doubting if it's done anything or if it's all in my head and
I'm just playing pretend with myself.

[Benjamin]

I can identify with those feelings Roy, even when I have overwhelming evidence of things working, my mind ('ego') does it's best to tell me it isn't working and alot of the time in the past it's got it's way

I think that would be a good time to look back in your journal and how you have changed to help support you on the journey.

What if this resistance, and the fact that your mind is trying hard to rebel and tell you it isn't working actually proves that it is working and that your mind is a bit scared that things are actually changing for the better?

I know it's hard to think that way when overwhelmed, i've had it myself especially with holosync. But give it a go.

Good luck Roy

[Spiral]

Roy.. a good way to see if it's really working is to look at how people look at you from a differenet perspective. not from yourself internally but go ahead and analyze a situation and be that someone else. Notice how they reacted to you then than they did in the past. For alot of people this doesn't change but you can easily tell this with people that are not as confident as you or have the same self esteem. Also the people that are used to looking for approval might look for it more from you in subtle ways.

[Roy]

Ten days into stage four.

I had a horrible day yesterday.I felt like a complete loser and that nothing in will my is working or will work regardless or what I do.Also had flashes of bad choices I made in my life coming to mind.Was also a bit sick which is very rare.

I slept a lot during the night and feeling better now.

[Roy]

22 days into stage 4.I have been busy lately doing a lot.I got what seems to be a total lack of procrastination and refusing to put things off for later.

I handle stressful situations better now,those things register as being harder than usual but I just do the best I can.

There are more stares sometimes,not all the time but it's OK.I'm not attached to it.A funny one was when I was at the hall in the university getting something out of my bag and I saw with my peripheral vision some women walked by turned her head and looked at me while she walked.

Another thing that started this week is when seeing a woman I find attractive
I start talking to her.I wanted to.Today I asked another one I see sometimes to go out,she said she had a boyfriend I didn't do those things before.Never been good with women.

The funny thing is I was compelled to go and ask her out.I couldn't bring myself to leave the place until I did it.I didn't care she said no.

There something with eye contact I noticed.Sometimes during a conversation I don't talk and stop and look at a woman and it affects them.Also had it two days ago with a random one I saw.It's like I feel a different energy in my body and almost around me at these moments.

I also pause in conversations with other people and don't answer straight away if I need to think for a second.Almost like I let them wait.

A lot of insecurities and fears went away.I feel better,calmer,healthier.
I get more done,learning and trying new things.I also hide my personality a lot less,not caring if others will disapprove.

Less effected by emotions I can put them aside and focus on what I want to do.I use the release technique a lot more during the last two weeks.
So this could be also related to this.

I felt like I was babysitting one of my friends this week.Not sure if it's related.

[Spiral]

This is great news roy! and also the prolonged eye contact is good. The only time I look away is if someone has looked away twice or three times.. and that's usually with dudes. Alot of dudes I know though are kind of alpha. But with women It's good to keep eye contact for as long as you can or until it's uncomfortable for you physically. But I usually only find the need to look away when I get bored with what they are saying or they begin looking away left and right several times.. but if they keep looking down submissively I go ahead and hold it. Just as long as you don't "stare" or force anything. When I hold eye contact I just "gaze" into their pupils.. and sometimes I stop listening but what I've noticed I can recall exactly what they said 1-2 seconds later or if not I just ask "wait what?".

Girls love it when you can gaze into their eyes. Alot of times they don't like the silence but those silent moment is usually when the energy builds up fast and girls keep talking and talking. Now I can't feel that energy much anymore because of how grounded I've become. It must be something new for you though.. soon you wont be able to even realize and I think when it comes with single women they'll feel it so strongly as you begin to feel more grounded with your self. They'll sense it and end up leading you toward any sort of sexual interaction. This is just what I'm thinking right now.. I'm sure there could be more to it.

[Roy]

Day 29 into level 4.

It's been getting more tight now with the university,more homework,closer to the tests,more homework to do.It's going well.I don't put things off and try to do as much as possible in any given day.Also been reading more about improving study habits.I feel like doing the important things.

I can study a lot more than I used to.I keep pushing myself.

There's frustrated feeling,like others wrote about the caged animal feeling.
I study a lot everyday and feel like wanting to go out and be social.
And do other things,I am not sure what.

I shouted at a friend last week when he tried to walk over me.I got pissed and shouted at him.I didn't do that a lot before.I wouldn't put with that.

Also I'm more inclined to try new things and new ways of doing things.I less attached to them not working or expectations of the way things should be.It's getting boring to do the same old things over and over again.

[Cortez]

This is great news roy! and also the prolonged eye contact is good. The only time I look away is if someone has looked away twice or three times.. and that's usually with dudes. Alot of dudes I know though are kind of alpha. But with women It's good to keep eye contact for as long as you can or until it's uncomfortable for you physically. But I usually only find the need to look away when I get bored with what they are saying or they begin looking away left and right several times.. but if they keep looking down submissively I go ahead and hold it. Just as long as you don't "stare" or force anything. When I hold eye contact I just "gaze" into their pupils.. and sometimes I stop listening but what I've noticed I can recall exactly what they said 1-2 seconds later or if not I just ask "wait what?".

Girls love it when you can gaze into their eyes. Alot of times they don't like the silence but those silent moment is usually when the energy builds up fast and girls keep talking and talking. Now I can't feel that energy much anymore because of how grounded I've become. It must be something new for you though.. soon you wont be able to even realize and I think when it comes with single women they'll feel it so strongly as you begin to feel more grounded with your self. They'll sense it and end up leading you toward any sort of sexual interaction. This is just what I'm thinking right now.. I'm sure there could be more to it.

I call it "Devil Eye's". When you have 100% Devil Eye's, you have ultimate power over everyone around you.

[Roy]

Finished stage 4.I am now listening to stage 5.

Lots of changes happened during the last four months.Things are going good.A lot of what we are taught to think as alpha behavior is just boasting,trying to look like one is in charge and aggressive.Maybe people that act like that have something to prove.

I am a lot more positive and optimistic now,things are OK,I'm content with my life and don't really care if I am alpha or not.I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.I don't care if they'll do what I want them to or not.I don't care if any random woman is attracted to me or not.It's fun if they do,I enjoy interacting with them but not attached.I work towards my goals because I want to and enjoy it,not hoping for some day when everything will be perfect.It won't but it's life,that's the fun of it.

I have a better sense of humor.I'm kinder and more caring towards people
because there no reason not to be.

I don't know if that's what being alpha is.

It makes me wonder about other beliefs,they are in our heads and we filter everything and perceive things.And we take them for granted.

[ronatello]

When you are indifferent to whether or not you're "alpha" means you're getting it. Congrats!
You have indeed come a long way since early August!

[Roy]

9 days into stage 5.

I noticed I'm more relaxed lately.Also my walk and body language are also more relaxed and more fluid.I also sort of smiling more,more in the sense of a half smile when pleased,I'm not really sure how to explain that.

I also had some days was I was happy with no special reason.

This stage sort of temper the aggressiveness that sometimes came in previous stages,it refines some responses I would have before this stage.