Ampers&'s Alpha Male Journal [COMPLETE]

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 16,

I've looked back at myself on Day 1, and I can't relate to that guy anymore;
I don't really care if I "get laid" or not. But that doesn't mean that I won't look, or talk to the woman. Insecurities are still here, but each time they strike, I reach a new level.

Today, I got up at the right time; internet was down, and I had the shits. So I had to improve my morning ritual. I got some studying done as well.

I got some work done, and practiced enough to get my fix. My voice is starting to get shot again. I have a gig on Friday, let's hope it clears up by then. The last time, my voice improved after it was lost.

I worked for a few hours. I feels like a waste; I want to go the business route, so I'll want to use 'BASE', perhaps with Ultra Success. It'd be really cool to have BASE in 5G. Then again, it'd be REALLY cool to see a singing subliminal in 5G.

Some days, it feels like Shannon isn't up to much, but little do I know. I heard something about a "Football"; once that unplugs, I'm sure he will start right back up.

[swisston]

internet was down, and I had the shits.

Thank you for making me laugh.

[Ampersnd]

internet was down, and I had the shits.

Thank you for making me laugh.

I've got you covered;

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 17

I'm feeling some sort of urgency, though I've wasted some time today.

Got up at 9am, slept in past my alarm, but I wasn't mad since my voice has been weird, so I suspect that I could fall sick. That makes roughly 10 hours! Dang.

Breakfast, straight to the gym, straight back, shower, go to get a mask fitted (for my program), I head back, then I start slacking off. Good news, while slacking off, I finally finished a 3000 card Anki deck for Italian; at least, I've seen and answered correctly on all 3000 at least once. Now, I have to learn 750 long term and I will have mastered that deck. These aren't easy words either; it even taught me such useful words like 'collander' or 'gropingly'. I'll simply have to consciously learn more advanced grammar, and get into more conversations, and I'll consider myself having "learned" the language, and become trilingual. But man, I've really got to cut back on the PewDiePie.

Then I have a meeting with one of my professors for a project that I have to do; that gave me more clarity and cleared up confusion. I was quite taken aback as to how focused she is.

I spent the last hours of this day cooking dinner, eating dinner, creating some speech-to-text scripts, and then nearly 3 hours of guitar practice. Those hours just fly by. Couldn't reasonably do voice today. Now, I'll run a final pass on a script that is near completion, run it through, and I'll have something extra to listen to tonight!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 18,

Had "deleria sleep", a phenomena I notice when I'm sick; you're fully conscious of your body, while shifting in and out of dream world, and somehow your decision to toss and turn in bed makes for decisions in the dream world. Say that in my dream I'm outside; the sun has a big smiley face on it, and houses are make out of acorns. I have to visit Miss Piggie and deliver her a flower, so I have to bury myself in the covers and stretch. Then, when there are caterpillars in the way, I roll over twice. Quick! What's 278 divided by 18?? Long division, my boy, long division! Now climb this ladder and tell the coyote to stop quacking from that lemon tree!

tl;dr, "deleria sleep" is very taxing and a pretty sure-fire sign that my brain is numbing me to the pain of being sick.

I wake up with no voice, BUT, it was at 5:15am. I do my morning ritual, and all that cool stuff, then make it to my lab. Right off the bat, maybe 15 minutes into our lab, this girl I know tells me: "Dany, you're really handsome. Too bad you're too young!". And she does right in front of all her 5 lab partners. She's 5 years older; little does she know heheh

My voice is somewhat returned at this point. Nowadays, I love to laugh and always think of stupid shit to make me smile, but it seems to yo-yo, and I create negative scenarios for myself. I suppose that could be a useful technique; yo-yo into a very positive state, and when you bounce into the negative, fEFT tap that shit away.

I accepted an evening shift, but knew I would be late. They were fine with that. I'll spare you the details and skip to work...

TWO of my co-workers shook my hand, one is my boss; notice that I'm an underling quasi-maintenance guy. And though we always talk, never did I expect the hand shake; and twice at that. Something must have clicked since last night (hint: deleria sleep).

I still feel incomplete in some way; I can't think of the exact way to make things better either. I'm still much more satisfied when I do positive things for my life (like practicing, gym, studying, etc.)

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 19,

Deleria sleep, we meet again..

After tossing and turning at all hours, I'm up at 3:40am, with buzzing pain in my face. I take a painkiller and slowly drift right back to sleep.

I let myself sleep until 7:00am. I'm feeling like sick shit.
At this point, I text my evening date that it's probably best that we don't meet up that evening; she works in a hospital, so it's for her good and everyone she's in contact with. I startled myself at how mature that decision was.

I go to class, and have even more clarity for my final project. On break, I run to the caf and drop 20$ on Bento sushi. Fantastic. When I go home, I immediately write a to-do list with Brian Tracy's ABCDE list; simply put, A's are urgent and important, B's are important, E is eliminate, D is delegate, C?.. I dunno. I get to work and knock up so much off my plate. This once-difficult part of my project has become one of the easiest, once I actually examined it.

Dewey decimal christmas; I finish the Brian Tracy 7 CD "No Excuses" audio course, and there's a new book waiting for me in the library. It's this HUGE book on entrepreneurship, which I'm psyched to skim through.

I managed to practice a little over 2 hours on guitar, I can't sing at all, and I did maybe 10-15 minutes of ear training. I'm already improving on songs I considered impossible weeks ago. I've 95% mastered Luttrell, which is a crazy song.

Early bed time today, wanna sleep as well as possible.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 20.

Slept enough to handle my cough. It's still with me; it's the most persistent I've had it in years.
I'm becoming able to focus for long periods of time. I practiced on guitar for 2 hours.

Ultimately, I performed pretty decently at the show. The first song, the most difficult song, I felt like I did 6 out of 10, the last two songs I did 8 out of 10. I felt the effect my cough/cold had on my fingers while practicing. I also jammed for over an hour with a couple of friends there; I love when that happens.

All and all, it was a pretty good night. But, I'm not "allowed" to take on the 100 Day Challenge. My finances are watched over pretty closely by my parents, so I want to focus on drawing in lots of money through business or some means to justify it. Basically, I want to prove them wrong by becoming more successful and rich lol.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 21,

Wake up at 10am full of motivation. Clean my whole apartment and closets! - says I! And that's what I do, for three hours. Now, my apartment is clean and my desk actually compatible for work. Note: I'm still sick, but I had all this energy.

I do a few hours of schoolwork, and then go for groceries, then do some other things. I take off at 5 to catch a bus to see my friend my 6. Here's the thing; we started as friends, we spontaneously started hooking up over a year ago, we always tried pure friendship but constantly relapsed. This time.. basically, we got to making out at her house, but she wants to keep it friendly. I wind up feeling some chemistry whenever we're together, and so I go in.

I have to accept that we should keep it tame, but we're still cool. We studied for a couple of hours and such. She drove me back just recently. I don't feel anything romantic; it just feels really nice being with her.

Now, after Stage 5, I'll be done school. So I don't REALLY need to learn anything (MLS3.0), except for job skills and songs for my busking. Perhaps I swap it out and put in 'Master Your Instrument for Speed' through Stage 6.

Once AM is over, I'm really conflicted; firstly, I'll keep 'Master Your Instrument For Speed 3G', but perhaps also add 'BASE 3G', but I really want to add something that unifies the two, like 'Ultra Success 4G', or 'Ultra Motivation 4G'. I know that goes over the 'limits', but I'm really gd tempted; on top of a summer job, I want to build the foundation of an online business related to beginner guitar.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 22,

Wake up. Still feel in 'recovery mode', enough to have a regular day of food, instead of a "cheat day". How strangely mature of me.

I spend some time optimizing the scripts for the spoken text stuff. It's all settled; I don't want to spend too much attention on the scripts; Tomorrow, I complete one of my course completely, so I'll have 100% of the material; when it isn't complete, it's hard to make a file, since it's naturally incomplete.

Before long, I'm at work, for what seems like the longest time (4.5 hours).
My cough and cold were pretty much handled.

I rush home, clean my bathroom, shower, start laundry, start supper, eat supper, fold laundry, rush to the pub, and meet with the 28 year old.

I got insanely nervous, and she picked that up; she wound up speaking alot. It didn't go away until I finally kissed her; she liked that. We kissed a bit, and we eventually paid our tab. We went to my place.

We made out, and she wouldn't let me go any further, except that she took my shirt off. She's pretty aggressive, in a good way. We had our weight on each other; either her on top, or me on top. She eventually stated: "I'm trying to control myself; we have to do everything next time". She wanted to go further, but was stopping herself. She did say "I want you to fuck me in all kinds of positions", and at this point I was fearless and shameless, compared to how I was at the bar. I spanked her ass, and mildly rubbed her over the clothes, but she maintained her composure. Next time.

Eventually, she had to go home, and now my cough comes back, as the adrenaline wore off. Well, time for bed. And serious studying from now on.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 23

I'm discontinuing my morning ritual temporarily because I need all the sleep I can get, and it's exams time, so unnecessary things are jettisoned.

Class, and some headway on my final project and classes. I have to put the pedal to the metal now. One phone call later, I have a full time summer job! That changes the way I approach summer and my other priorities. Summer subs: Master Your Instrument For Speed with Stage 6 of AM, and Maximum Sales Success once the alpha set is done, along with 'MYIFS'.

Work in the evening. It's been going by slowly, but I've been working it more; as in doing more per hour, on my own desire.

Not much else to talk about; I invited yesterday's companion to the open mic in which I will perform Friday. She already initiated messages twice in the last 24 hours.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 24,

Still recovering from the cold; the cough is still killer.

I still hit the gym after class today, just lighter weights.

I spent several hours cleaning up my final project. (at 11PM now, I'm about to submit it).
I spent another few hours working on the final draft of these notes. I'll be fully able to study both of my classes that are the most important.

I'm noticing much more of a masculine energy in my body; it's this feeling of well-being in a storm of this "sickness". It feels like that Bruce Willis aura from Die Hard days; he's not a chiseled man, but he's definitely got that aura.

Singing is very frustrating; I can't really sing without coughing.

[JackOfHearts]

it's the James Bond feeling, pretty cool one

[Ampersnd]

@maniac360 That might be it, though it's happening later on in Stage 5. It has me expecting the best from Stage 6.

Stage 5, Day 25

Still recovering; I'll be 100% in 1-2 days, then I'll destroy myself with a cheat day.
I'm jumping back into Abraham-Hick's material.

Today, I handed in my project, and my partner handed in our second project.
Now it's study time, though class is still happening until tomorrow (Friday)
2 of 4 exams will be "easy-ish", where I don't exactly need to study as much as the others, but I have to stay sharp when it's finally exam teim.
The other two, I'm working away at the class exercises as is needed.

Tomorrow, I'll run a couple of passes (actual study time) towards the two tough classes, perhaps do the readings for one of the easy classes.

Btw, I feel a bit stupid; in reviewing my Italian flashcards, I get long strings of cards incorrectly, where I previously got them correct; this might be my "resistance" for MLS.

Meanwhile, I've been texting with the 28 year old...
Texts may become slightly abridged.
Me: "Keep it up, and we can schedule some private time later in the weekend "
Her: "I like how you say that"
Her: "Kind of gets me excited, but that's enough now." **I have to get back to work, bye**
Me (a bit later): "Alright. Perhaps Sunday after (my) work we can figure out a more.. aggressive.. study break"
Her: "I really like the idea of an aggressive study break we can see how aggressive you get"

tl;dr, I'm def having sex with the 28 year old on Sunday. She seems very keen on making it into a sex-a-thon, for which I have no complaint. Hopefully, I don't exhaust myself then.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 26 (skipped a day; this stage will probably be 34-35 days),

At this point school's done and I'm studying for exams.

In continuation with the text exchange, after I posted this exchange, I reply to her message, and she 'gets real', asking some more serious questions. I stay as truthful as I can. That turns her on more lol.

We had planned to meet on Friday night for my open mic, but that fell through; the venue had only the performers show up, so we were a group of 7-8 people total. I told her that, and she decided that since her brother came from out of town, they should do something else. Totally fine by me. We talked about Sunday, but she's going to be out of town. Oh well.

One of the performers invites me to join his band, not sure what to make of that. I said that I was interested. And it's in a motown, funk, folk style which interested me. I should, just to meet other musicians and get experience.

After the event, I get picked up by my female friend, where I agreed to spend the night; we'd study in the morning. After setting in, we agreed to watch a movie. 10 seconds into cuddling, we hook up lol. She said that she was too horny, and that it'd be a 1 off, since we're supposed to be friends.

We slept together (like fall asleep) afterwards, and in the morning, we get breakfast and start studying. I'm a bit more cuddly than she is, and when she doesn't really reciprocate, I back up. A little bit before she has to get ready, she says "I'm gonna take my shower... by the way, you're more than welcome to join". I'm thinkin "wtf?". I know that women only mean what they say when they say it, but all new evidence surprises me a bit. I take her up on the offer, and basically, she winds up giving me head on her bed. Not a bad day.

After an errand of hers, she drives me home. Today was a cheat day, so I gorged myself on chocolate chips (just the chocolate), Fritos, cake, Passion Flakies, McDonalds, etc. I even went to the gym. I got to spend 2+ hours on guitar, maybe I shouldn't have, since I have exams. Either way, I'm content with my day.