Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g)

[Frosted]

WOOOO! SPRING BREAK TIME!!!!

[Benjamin]

WOOOO! SPRING BREAK TIME!!!!

You might not know this show cos i'm older than you, but I used to love it as a teenager. First "I know what you did last summer" then this come to mind when I read your reply for some reason.

I remember when Katie holmes had her top off and I was pissed off it only showed her back.

[dragonslayer]

WOOOO! SPRING BREAK TIME!!!!

You might not know this show cos i'm older than you, but I used to love it as a teenager. First "I know what you did last summer" then this come to mind when I read your reply for some reason.

I remember when Katie holmes had her top off and I was pissed off it only showed her back.

Lmao. This girl I used to call during her summer break from university used to not be able to talk to me because she’s watching Dawson’s Creek.

I would say to her “I’ll call you back”, if she answers the phone at all because she wasn’t paying attention to me because of this show. 

Yeah I’m that old. 

[Benjamin]

Lmao. This girl I used to call during her summer break from university used to not be able to talk to me because she’s watching Dawson’s Creek.



I would say to her “I’ll call you back”, if she answers the phone at all because she wasn’t paying attention to me because of this show. 



Yeah I’m that old. 

Haha I wish I could say that as a teenager I had girls ringing me and I was like "excuse me young lady, i'm trying to watch dawsons creek!".

[Shannon]

I had a girl I was sweet on in HS. I asked for her number and got it. Every time I would call her, she was watching soap operas and ignoring me. After a few such phone calls, I got the message quit trying. Even back then, as clueless as I was about girls at the time.

[Benjamin]

So alot to unpack, and some confusion of where to go next. I think i'll seperate this into 2 posts.

To start, on one of my last days of PM I went on a porn binge which I was trying to avoid as it would lower my testosterone when I retested but the frustration on the weekend triggered it. Then it lead to the next much bigger frustration, I added a little bit when using my higher self statement about "having PM help me to recover from the porn binge, and stopping it now" (as in not doing it any more times) but I think my mind misinterpreted it as stopping the goals of PM since that is part of what preceded what I added.

I very quickly felt that what I was noticing from PM disappeared, and over the next few days it lessened more. And it was like all the parts that were being moved in a new direction (eg beliefs and such) started pushing back harder, like I felt weak and emasculated, my masculine mindset lessened and was going in the other direction, deservingness with girls which I then realized had built alot.. but now I realize what was happening is that PM was building that deservingness, aswell as past programs now that i'm aware of this.. but at the same time there was a stronger fear being triggered. So i'd have the urge to go and talk to girls, was able to imagine myself with them and it felt more real, but the fear would totally stop me.

Well when I derailed PM I then felt alot of that go backwards too and just felt weird. So fucking annoying.

BUT.. I have to state this is something specific to me and others shouldn't expect it. I realized that it makes zero sense that such a simple thing would completely make my results disappear as it did, and that I actually have a deeper part of myself creating this pattern and using different things I can blame, like that simple addition to the statement. In the past it's stuff like doing other methods after I finish a subliminal trying to get motivation for business for example but then the work I do destroys the subliminals results, and a few other occurences.

So it's obviously some part of me that is very scared and threatened. Sunday was my rest night of PM after the last night of listening, and it's friday today. And most nights i've been setting a question for my higher self when I goto bed why this happened, the cause and how I can fix it. Usually I either get things popping into my head after that and then turn on my lamp and write it down, or later in the night I wake up with answers. Still I don't fully trust the answers I get as it's constantly told me different things at times and then that thing hasn't necessarily solved the issue that i'm asking about.

Anyway it ranged from stuff like.. (this is each night combined, so not all in one night).
-You don't use subliminals long enough and jump around. Not necessarily true, i've used past programs for large amounts of time. Sometimes I feel it throws out throwaway answers to me at first and I have to keep asking.
-Then the name of a dodgy hypnotist who fucked me over repeating in my head. I worked alot on that when I got other coaching and dealt with alot of it I think so i'm not sure.
-Then my mind started going back and forth "don't do 6g, do do 6g" then "don't do OGSF, do do OSGF". Like 2 parts were fighting, one part telling me to do it, the other scared and telling me not to.
-"When did it all start?" then what come to mind again is when I got attacked with an axe and how everything has got worse since then, that i've made good progress but in several ways i've kept going downhill. Then OGSF v3 will help really deal with it, and somatic trauma work which I haven't done for ages.
-Some part of you is scared of really going out into the world due to this axe incident (and other things likely) that when it gets an opportunity it uses something else to get rid of your results and makes me blame that thing.
-As long as I don't feel safe, have this trauma and fear it'll keep happening. OGSF v3 is the best choice.

-Another night after I asked the question I had nothing, then a strong wave of emotion come up and a voice repeating in my head "i'm going to destroy you, fuck you" (I found things like this several times when I was getting coaching before I did PM).

-Just do OGSFv3 now, focus on that and it's goals. And in the future you can do a 6g version of PM. (I will expand on this, basically this was after realizing what PM was doing after it was derailed).
-The issue causing this PM programming to disappear was fear, OGSF will dig down and deal with it with enough time used.

[Benjamin]

Last night I asked as part of it how I can get the PM programming to come back so that it's there and then I can move onto OGSF, in the hope that OGSF will then deal with that fear I mentioned in the way of what was building.

So this is where it got interesting.

I was laying there and suddenly got this strong urge to read my higher self statement 3 times, where i'd been reading it once and stopped after I finished PM. Then I had a very strong urge to put PM on right then at 8 loops and I did so.

I have to mention that before this, with my frustration after toastmasters I had an urge to start OGSF v3 right then and I decided to not do so and wait a few more nights. Then the urge for PM come up after I asked my higher self the question.

First - How I was feeling after PM was derailed most of this week and seemed to disappear -

Lost, depressed, suddenly didn't really care about building 'strength' as much anymore (physical is included, but also in general), less enthused for my workout, less energy and more sleep, feeling like I suddenly had no presence, invisible and not wanting to even go anywhere cos I now felt weak, undeserving and didn't have the groundedness and confidence that I was developing from PM.

I did my workouts as normal but there was something missing in my mindset. Feeling undeserving, thinking of things I was doing during PM and dreading that I did that like talk to girls and such and feeling like there's no way I could be with them. It continues like that. I also have been reading a book that is very strong on the idea of building strength and a masculine mindset and really getting into it, now this week that desire disappeared and the book didn't seem appealing.

Also some physical issues i've had around my groin was noticably getting better during PM, but after it was derailed noticing more of those issues again. So it was very much working on it as obviously those issues are part of the causes of my low testosterone.

Also especially yesterday, noticably susceptible to stress. Also feeling bland, like everything is shit and uninteresting.

Also feeling like I looked like shit, my physique is crap and such.

At toastmasters last night it was weird. I felt weak, like I had little presence and confidence. I ran the meeting and it went okay, but not the 'spark' you could say that I was feeling when I did so on PM. Also the really fucking weird twilight zone thing, without going into detail again due to the rules I mentioned last meeting one woman come up and said all this feminist stuff and a few people mentioned it after the meeting and I strongly stated I disagree with it all, none of it is true and such and one guy was challenging me which I comfortably dealt with and then he even agreed with me. My friend said he reakons the guy works both sides, which was confirmed last night.


So the twilight zone thing that happened, is either this was some very weird response from all these parts of me that were being moved by PM pushing back.. or they actually planned this in the background, which it really seemed like. Every single fucking person other than my friend in the meeting come out with some kind of bullshit related to this in the meeting.. especially the guy who was challenging me went more than double the allocated time with this shit, which comes across totally emasculated when a man does it and proves he's playing both sides.

And with PM derailed I knew I didn't like it but I wasn't feeling that same groundedness, partly aggression, assertiveness like "I'm not accepting this I need to push back" and I was annoyed at myself I didn't.

Also in the tea break I felt like I had no presence, felt ignored whereas during PM I very much had this presence.

I went home fucking annoyed, annoyed at the 2 emasculated men (as I expect it from the women atleast). Annoyed at myself for feeling weak and ungrounded and unconfident and my results disappearing.

After starting to listen to PM -
Very quickly a strong, mascuilne mindset coming back. Not as strong, but noticable.

Was thinking of things about toastmasters and feeling different again, annoyed in a way like "i'm going to push back against this". That built over the night, my groin area and around it I felt a vibration, some kind of sensation and it started to feel better quickly.

At one stage I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I had in my head the start of a speech pushing back against what was going on at toastmasters and I turned on my light and wrote like 4 pages, a draft of the speech. Then I felt like I had energy, I decided to go on my infared mat instead of fully getting up which felt good.

My motivation for my workout was high again, I did it straight after breakfast before anything else, then one other thing, then went down the street which I felt inspired to again. Overnight my physique improved noticably!  (yes obviously this is my own perception, but the difference in how I seen myself when I had derailed PM to when I listened again was big).

My presence and vibe was back, felt strong and grounded.

Also noticed I was resistant to stress like my stress levels or fight and flight in the background was dialled down. And also it was like I awoke again, this 'spark' and feeling good about things again.

I went down the street, in the first shop I simply asked the girl how her day was going and she expanded on it way more than I think i've ever had happen. She was telling me about entitled customers and such, customers making comments like I was someone who she felt comfortable with telling me all this, i've talked to her briefly before but nothing out of the ordinary. That stood out.

In one shop I goto regularly earlier in the week it was cold and one woman working who I talk to said "even muscle man is in a jumper" referring to me, and I joked "I could be in a mankini". So I put it on today on top of my clothes and went in and said "it's your lucky day" and she was laughing so much and took a photo, and several other customers talked to me, one old woman was really happy and laughing, one walked past and couldn't even look at me, but it was mostly a hit.

Maybe a few other things but i'm starting to get tired.

But I love these feelings and now i'm not sure what to do.

Yes this really shows me that PM was building a noticable mindset of strength and masculinity that I love, and other things, including motivation, it felt good to want to do my workout and get it done so I have the rest of the day (though also with all of this come this sabotage trying to fight with it back and forth and try to get rid of what was happening).

And I love that feeling especially compared to how shit I felt the rest of the week.

But it's not really helping lead me to a full breakthrough where I just embody all of this and the goals of PM and from the 3 months of doing it I don't feel that it will and that 6g will help much more with the difference i'm reading in reports compared to even 5.11g and seeing it create shifts in some others who were struggling aswell on previous generations. I feel that 6g will help deal with this 'fight' i'm having internally between the new programming coming in and the sabotage fighting back sometimes pretty much in the moment to try to get rid of that programming.

So this morning the feeling was "do that 1 night of PM to get the programming to come up again, then start OGSF" but logically I know that's a bad idea and now later in the day I don't know.

If there was a 6g version of PM i'd definately jump on it as I feel that it would take all of this and increase it alot aswell as overcome more of this shit that's sabotaging me. Then again OGSF v3 might actually still be the better option, I don't really know right now.

So.. what to do? (some of this is exploring it for myself to think, it's not necessarily a question to anyone else).

-Continue PM and use my higher self statement more through the day instead of just morning and night.
-Stop PM now, wait some more days and then do OGSF.

Eh. What's funny is i'm writing this from a good place right now, feeling good today, not like a crazy rollercoaster rant like some of the previous pages when I had strong resistance.

[Darkness]

I would say use it like a 6 stager and give 90 days more before OGFS.

[Shannon]

PM isn't solving the underlying issue, either because you need a different approach or because 5.11G isn't powerful enough or both. Just do OGSF. Start now if you need to.

[Benjamin]

Ok cool, I did start using OGSF last night after asking my higher self and getting enough points of evidence for it.

I'll write that in a new journal though at some stage.