It's time.
I've been putting it off for quite a while, all kinds of excuses and even fear and resistance. I'd get to the time i'd be about to use it and something would come up, and now a month later I finally made the decision to start today, of course this morning I was having more fear come up, telling me I should do something else. I explored it a bit and worked on that.
The thing I like about Primal Masculinity (the description) is that you can create your own definition, so i've written quite a long document defining everything for myself with the intention of PM to use it as a reference. I also have written a commitment to read daily that sets my main intention and focus for the program that i'm hoping will allow it to use that as the priority. I don't know what effect that will have, but I believe setting this intention will help.
As some of you can see in journals, and very much in my past journals especially AM journals.. it can be an emotional rollercoaster and especially when you hit upon resistance you can feel like it's doing nothing and it can depend how you feel on the day whether you say it's doing much or not.
So some things i've done to more concretely measure results -
-Testosterone test.
-Before photos and video. (I don't plan to share these publicly but can share it with certain people i've had enough interaction with here).
-Video of me on the bag (martial arts).
-Rated and described my current experience in several main areas.
I believe that one of my big issues is low testosterone. It's been ridiculously low, originally when I had chronic fatigue and other stuff it was 97, around 3 months ago was 297 which is the highest in years, and a month ago was 247 which is my before reading. I know it's a month ago when I intended to start, but it's close enough to measure and see hopefully concrete results.
Obviously my main priority i've set the intent for that I won't expand on here.
But my other areas I want it to help with is obviously working out and physique as i've got to a point I can workout okay again but have really struggled to look how I want again, to really get back into shape no matter what workouts I try. So I believe PM will help boost this and clear out some of the limitations around it, some of it physical but I also believe there's a mental component to this.
Also martial arts, my other passion I want PM to boost my training, skills and performance to a higher level.
So both of these include improving my physique, but not to a bodybuilder level but more athletic warrior kind of look, ripped but looking dangerous and capable but also genuinely being capable. Functional strength and fitness for training but also for life.
Why? Cos the world is getting more retarded each day, and the people who are meant to protect us from crazy people seem to just be not doing anything about it anymore because of these 'poor misunderstood people' or whatever it is today.
But also wanting to develop capability, self-reliance, independence in other areas of my life. And also to recover and expand on my drive for life and my goals, that has been severely lacking, partly I feel due to low testosterone but also things i've gone through in the last 6 years or so.
And a big one is destroying any feminist/woke/bs programming inside me.. i'm very against all of it but I still see that it has and is affecting me in negative ways and i've noticed in recent times i've had much more of a 'thin skin' with this stuff, it's affecting me alot more and even seen myself getting a bit into the victim mode because of how men are being attacked and ridiculed in society constantly. I'm way too emotionally reactive to it, though I know this is much better than having zero awareness about it or even worse being okay with what they are telling me a 'man' should be that is completely, inherently against strength and masculinity.
It IS a reality no matter how much these people try to lie and pretend it isn't, but I want to develop a thick skin to it, stand up to it if needed. For example not arguing uselessly on social media about it, but if I come across it in my life or it's directed at me then stand up to it. But also knowing when to ignore it and just do and be who I want to be.
And also take concrete actions to push back against it all, by being an embodiment of real strength and masculinity and not the bullshit pc 'new age' bullshit they are trying to force onto us pretending that they need to redefine it.. when in reality it's a way to manipulate and control us.. and to stop men standing up to the massive amounts of bullshit both happening in the world and being thrown at them.
So I like the idea of what Nomad called "the thick skin effect".
To reconnect with alot of things i've lost that I seen when reading my old journals, but in a smoother and less psycho way than I seen in my old journals where I was way too much of a massive asshole. With all i've been through since then and the healing i've done my ideas are more balanced, but definately are much more towards the 'traditional' angle of masculinity.
But to have both sides, the hardcore, primal side where I can stand up for myself and others, handle myself physically and in conflict, be assertive and strong and stand up and say "no" when i need to. But also having a loving, playful, fun side when appropriate and being able to relax.
I also know that physicality isn't enough when I got into the best shape of my life, the top percentage in the gym but still was insecure and my confidence and self-esteem didn't match that and most of the girls I was with were not that much higher quality than when I was overweight.
So along with physicality, developing genuine confidence, self-esteem, self-assurance and such. They both work together, having one without the other isn't complete and they both benefit each other.
As for girls, not much happening in that area. I've struggled to get past the fear that increased alot since dealing with the fatigue and such. I know PM isn't specifically focused on that, but I do have some things in my definitions around that and I hope that it will help, but the priority is on my own development and that as a positive side effect.
My initial plan is to commit for 3 months and look at the measurements I mentioned and then further commit if it's going in the direction I want.
Usage -
Started 23/12/24.
To start - Use this experience for 1 loop per day on, for 4 days on and 1 days off per usage cycle.
I've been putting it off for quite a while, all kinds of excuses and even fear and resistance. I'd get to the time i'd be about to use it and something would come up, and now a month later I finally made the decision to start today, of course this morning I was having more fear come up, telling me I should do something else. I explored it a bit and worked on that.
The thing I like about Primal Masculinity (the description) is that you can create your own definition, so i've written quite a long document defining everything for myself with the intention of PM to use it as a reference. I also have written a commitment to read daily that sets my main intention and focus for the program that i'm hoping will allow it to use that as the priority. I don't know what effect that will have, but I believe setting this intention will help.
As some of you can see in journals, and very much in my past journals especially AM journals.. it can be an emotional rollercoaster and especially when you hit upon resistance you can feel like it's doing nothing and it can depend how you feel on the day whether you say it's doing much or not.
So some things i've done to more concretely measure results -
-Testosterone test.
-Before photos and video. (I don't plan to share these publicly but can share it with certain people i've had enough interaction with here).
-Video of me on the bag (martial arts).
-Rated and described my current experience in several main areas.
I believe that one of my big issues is low testosterone. It's been ridiculously low, originally when I had chronic fatigue and other stuff it was 97, around 3 months ago was 297 which is the highest in years, and a month ago was 247 which is my before reading. I know it's a month ago when I intended to start, but it's close enough to measure and see hopefully concrete results.
Obviously my main priority i've set the intent for that I won't expand on here.
But my other areas I want it to help with is obviously working out and physique as i've got to a point I can workout okay again but have really struggled to look how I want again, to really get back into shape no matter what workouts I try. So I believe PM will help boost this and clear out some of the limitations around it, some of it physical but I also believe there's a mental component to this.
Also martial arts, my other passion I want PM to boost my training, skills and performance to a higher level.
So both of these include improving my physique, but not to a bodybuilder level but more athletic warrior kind of look, ripped but looking dangerous and capable but also genuinely being capable. Functional strength and fitness for training but also for life.
Why? Cos the world is getting more retarded each day, and the people who are meant to protect us from crazy people seem to just be not doing anything about it anymore because of these 'poor misunderstood people' or whatever it is today.
But also wanting to develop capability, self-reliance, independence in other areas of my life. And also to recover and expand on my drive for life and my goals, that has been severely lacking, partly I feel due to low testosterone but also things i've gone through in the last 6 years or so.
And a big one is destroying any feminist/woke/bs programming inside me.. i'm very against all of it but I still see that it has and is affecting me in negative ways and i've noticed in recent times i've had much more of a 'thin skin' with this stuff, it's affecting me alot more and even seen myself getting a bit into the victim mode because of how men are being attacked and ridiculed in society constantly. I'm way too emotionally reactive to it, though I know this is much better than having zero awareness about it or even worse being okay with what they are telling me a 'man' should be that is completely, inherently against strength and masculinity.
It IS a reality no matter how much these people try to lie and pretend it isn't, but I want to develop a thick skin to it, stand up to it if needed. For example not arguing uselessly on social media about it, but if I come across it in my life or it's directed at me then stand up to it. But also knowing when to ignore it and just do and be who I want to be.
And also take concrete actions to push back against it all, by being an embodiment of real strength and masculinity and not the bullshit pc 'new age' bullshit they are trying to force onto us pretending that they need to redefine it.. when in reality it's a way to manipulate and control us.. and to stop men standing up to the massive amounts of bullshit both happening in the world and being thrown at them.
So I like the idea of what Nomad called "the thick skin effect".
To reconnect with alot of things i've lost that I seen when reading my old journals, but in a smoother and less psycho way than I seen in my old journals where I was way too much of a massive asshole. With all i've been through since then and the healing i've done my ideas are more balanced, but definately are much more towards the 'traditional' angle of masculinity.
But to have both sides, the hardcore, primal side where I can stand up for myself and others, handle myself physically and in conflict, be assertive and strong and stand up and say "no" when i need to. But also having a loving, playful, fun side when appropriate and being able to relax.
I also know that physicality isn't enough when I got into the best shape of my life, the top percentage in the gym but still was insecure and my confidence and self-esteem didn't match that and most of the girls I was with were not that much higher quality than when I was overweight.
So along with physicality, developing genuine confidence, self-esteem, self-assurance and such. They both work together, having one without the other isn't complete and they both benefit each other.
As for girls, not much happening in that area. I've struggled to get past the fear that increased alot since dealing with the fatigue and such. I know PM isn't specifically focused on that, but I do have some things in my definitions around that and I hope that it will help, but the priority is on my own development and that as a positive side effect.
My initial plan is to commit for 3 months and look at the measurements I mentioned and then further commit if it's going in the direction I want.
Usage -
Started 23/12/24.
To start - Use this experience for 1 loop per day on, for 4 days on and 1 days off per usage cycle.
