Rainbow'sNewJournal

[RainbowAbyss]

I've been feeling very hermetic lately,
not in a bad way, just like there is less I am interested in,
in my own life and more I am interested in creating and or moving towards. EIP hit some hardcore resistance-vestiges of depression based in
inability and some minor friction in my sense of where I am at and belief in myself
in relation to the dissonance of who I increasingly know myself to be and what is possible.
It feels a bit like a more positive, but less negativity clearing, stage one Alpha, which is actually quite surprising to me. Sense of self belief and trust in myself and my own path are increasing, as is my confidence, and solidity in staying nonreactive to anything that's not worth focusing on.
Struggling a bit with committing and putting in the energy towards any one direction, but as inspiration increases, paths are connecting and with LM the dots seem to be lining up for me in on and off spurts of success and virtual ecstasy vs. a very minor boredom. I've always felt it was amazing to train athletes or aspiring athletes and that's how am making the majority of my money now-even if they are only in high-school
I've been meditating twice a day, Presence Process style, and the ways my childhood imprints have been running me are slowly coming into view and being responded to more and more consciously and with more active diffusion of 'charge'.
There is still some unattended to business in the past, family issues, not wanting to see my dad again, discontinued psychiatry/therapy that I am navigating around because I don't have the resources, financially , emotionally, or mentally to attend to them right now.
I'm really feeling a strong desire to be continually more creative and drop this subtle perfectionism that is increasingly obvious is just hidden resistance masquerading around.
EIP is effecting my sense of possibility and clearing way to long suppressed aspirations including
Hobbies-taking up guitar again and really wanting to start a band (I know cliche but its awesome!!)
Writing-really wanting to find some cohesive way to write both poetically and in a systemically that feels like an authentic output of my experience as well as being of potential value benefit to the reader.
Personal-being pulled more and more to doing whatever it takes to establish personal freedom AND basic independent security that is in line with my sense of life/spiritual integrity-meaning its got to feel right lol Especially as I get clearer with what is just lazy resistance in me and what is instinct and intuition.
More and more female options are coming into my life yet I just feel unavailable right now.
Also, and I'm sure this will be up for debate, but it seems more and more things don't work out when I initiate or try to create out of the blue-especially when it comes from a mental conception..but as soon as I get an opportunity, or a gut response-I can follow through with little to zero resistance from 'the world' and create real changes in my life and feedback loops that further cement in any identity change that subliminal are assisting with as well. The whole thing becomes like a cycle and is really the only time I feel like I have clarity or a sense of knowing, the rest of the time I am following principles (sense of my values), positive ritual (meditation/visualization etc.), and instinct and basically slowly moving around in the dark.
It all sounds very dramatic lol but I have this insatiable pull towards something that is very diffuse, a kind of wholeness, purpose, and place in my life that is beyond what I have grown to come to know and the lifestyle that comes with it. It feels very edgy and internal yet its so obvious to me nothing of real consequence can change in my outer circumstance unless I change before or with it. This by no means excludes taking action, but the action these days has to be sourced in something that links enjoyment with meaning..or the potential for those at the least.

[RainbowAbyss]

oh, and well I'd love nothing more than to run WM 5.0
and feel available to, and having a blast with, all the wonderful woman, and supermodels,
who fill the streets of NY
I realize its been over a year without the A-dog (Alpha set )
and despite the refreshers I'll get more out of WM from an Alpha set run first, and
I don't even want to want to feel more extroverted right now, there is to much that needs settling,
and Alpha 5.0 sounds about as close to a panacea/6 month long magic bullet as possible.
I remember reading Shannon said that Overcome fear cannot be run with that set-so that'll fit in somewhere before.
Anyway it looks like I'll be running Alpha 5.0 at around the same times as Cortez and Ryan-who I did my original Alpha runs with if I am remembering correctly and reading the forum correctly-what a nice cycle of subliminal life...

[HMoody]

Journal--k-trains suggestion got me thinking about lm enhancing SM so I decided to go out to have some fun and give it a test whirl. My quick LM boost formula-20 minutes visualizing what I want-feel good about it-know LM will make it happen-let it go and forget about it-no matter what happens stay carefree I set my intention in the general sexual direction and went out to this hotel rooftop party-..long story short
I went home with two quite attractive girls...we picked up some beer and ended up drinking in my studio...it seemed like an inevitable threesome but what ended up happening was they each made moves on me whenever the other went to into another room...and they were clearly best friends who got along like a house on fire...it was really funny actually..anyway one of them was gradually winning me over and the other basically starting manufacturing drama...started thinking she might be pregnant from the guy she used to date or something...me and the other girl were just ripping on her about it but when she wouldn't shut up about it I kicked her out and said she could only come back if she bought a pregnancy test. When she left I had sex with the other girl. She came back a half hour later (I sent her to an inconveniently far pharmacy lol). When she came back we all cheered while she took the test and it was of course negative, since while she might have believed it herself it was obviously manufactured drama...The funniest part is after she found out she was not pregnant and the other girl, who I already had been with at this point, went to the bathroom, this girl straddles and starts grinding me and says it made her really horny to find out she's not pregnant. She was really hot as well and wearing a skirt so it took quite a lot of self control but I was not going to try to start something with her after I had been with the other girl. I kind of liked the idea of having been with both of them and each one thinking I was only with them but somehow it just seemed unethical, only if it was both at once. I was trying to find a good way to move it towards a menage a trois but they were definitely to close as friends..it could have gotten weird. Ridiculous but gotta love it lol.Anyway the whole thing was really fun and it was nice to get a shot of the wild side back. especially since this time I could have cared less about the whole thing so I felt really free to just enjoy it for what it was.


@K-Train That's is a great question to ask..and a really good way of looking at it. I think Alpha would certainly address what I need more but honestly the times of dipped into WM it made me more productive in all areas of my life-as much if not more so than Alpha, and I only grazed stage 1 and the new WM has EIP and gratitude hardwired into it. I'm gonna do some contemplating and journal about it later.
I think we might share some similarities with our family situation..although I think I'm older than you if your still in school..I'm 24...My family ties don't represent safety---I feel safer in free fall ...they represent a sense of familiarity that has kept me from feeling alienated in the past and now my ability to stay in the city and life I know-as I make more than enough to thrive living in a room I built from my dad's old studio-which my mom owns-but not enough to pay rent in any half decent place to live in NYC. With LM my income has been increasing quite fast so maybe soon I can find an equally dope place to live... I love my family and used to think there nuts and I was the only sane one, at least the only one who developed into someone sane,-now I see the depth of depravity quite ripe for personal and spiritual development lol. I like to see my life from both a helmsman and passenger perspective at times, I'm here to flourish in/ expand, and enjoy life as much as possible, and carry out whatever unique gifts I can contribute and co-create with the world and others, and achieve all my authentic desires, without the bs of should's and should not's, excluding harming others of course....to fully being living this way I see more and more that there are real lessons to be learned, embodied, and lived, new paradigms and energy to move into by working through whatever resonances I still have that keep me tied with the 'negative relationships' in my life. That may sound a little woo woo but I assure you the shifts and effects in my subjective experience and ability to achieve purpose, that come from reclaiming my power from this stuck spots is quite concrete. Also my changes have consistently seemed to change everyone else in the family for the better, its like there is some sort of connected effect that amplifies for the better the more differentiated I become. Sure they fall into their own re-activity and conditioning but the less I do, the more prone they are to snapping out of it,, in relationship to me AND surprisingly in their own business as well apparently. It seems there really is something to being the change you want to see in the world, even if it starts as small as not fighting with siblings lol.

Wow! Awesome Story Rainbow! Your posts are definitely inspiring and I can't wait till I have that level of success!

[Spiral]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r5mfuspSaE&feature=plcp there's the dude I was talking about rainbow. he seems very genuine. I have yet to watch this video.

And you have an amazing way with words Rainbow. I've already told you.

Your last few sentences of your first post from today where you said:

"It all sounds very dramatic lol but I have this insatiable pull towards something that is very diffuse, a kind of wholeness, purpose, and place in my life that is beyond what I have grown to come to know and the lifestyle that comes with it. It feels very edgy and internal yet its so obvious to me nothing of real consequence can change in my outer circumstance unless I change before or with it. This by no means excludes taking action, but the action these days has to be sourced in something that links enjoyment with meaning..or the potential for those at the least."

Is exactly how I'm beginning to feel! And as for women.. I still want them in my life and have fun with them but feeling more extroverted is something I don't need right now like you had mentioned. I want to run Alpha 5.0 soon but it won't be for another year. I believe by then it will be the perfect time to run alpha again. For now focus on some specific areas and get those things taken care of. And let's start a band! When I start banking when working for Shannon and Andrew maybe I'll move to New York.. or Canada and just drive over the bridge.

[Benjamin]

The presence process hey, interesting. I got the book and have talked to a few people who have used it and they say it's good. But pretty hardcore. The only thing that i'm thinking is similar to me with EFT is that it could be conflicting with the subliminal because the presence process is to do with letting go of stuff.

But still I know from the work i've done that it is important to deal with past memories. I notice that past memories come up during Alpha and I get more angry at them and start to regret more what I did which is strange, but it must be working on them in some way.

-Ben

[RainbowAbyss]

@HMoody and Spiral ..for real thank you guys-it means allot to hear your kind words..
@Hmoody-GOOD! stay inspired-its 99% of getting there-inspiration is intelligence that will give you your best resources,internally, and even externally (synchronicity-attraction-acting on opportunity), and hopefully the sense of healthy entitlement that goes along with.
@Spiral..and...I'd love to start a band! right now my skillz would disgrace any budding potential we'd have together lol although it might make you sound REALLY good in contrast..but I can get good-just give me some time !!. If you ever move to New York-you let me know...and if you ever move to Canada I'll take a road trip up to go snowboarding with you And that video...just changed my life..WHEW holy sxxt -that dude has some serious realness to him and is so there-super grounding and transcending at the same time-thanks for the re-link
@ Ben-I can promise you this...whatever your letting go along the lines of the process is not serving you in any way, anymore at least, it doesn't define anything worth keeping, and I highly doubt it will get in the way of the motivational 'friction' side of Alpha or conflict in anyway...it will probably make making whatever changes your being moved to easier..says the only known 'expert' in the world who display public knowledge of having down subliminals from this website and the Presence Process at the same time..me lol... Since the process is pretty much just reading a book, meditating twice a day, and consciously remembering one line throughout the week. Its simply smooths over distortions in your vision, metaphorically speaking of course, and while it might bring up some stuff in its own right...it teaches one how to handle whatever comes up with lethal efficiency and total congruence..and its not about releasing..its about being real even when its the most difficult or scariest because you learn experimentally and in 'experientially' (not a real word?) to see through that stuff. I have found it makes subliminal work FASTER-and oscillates back and forth between gently improving my relationship to subs resistance or outright blowing it out of the water..in a good way I mean
...its fluffy on the surface but yes it can be pretty damn hardcore-and life flipping..but its very worth it..if you feel drawn to it..I'd highly recommend ..it would probably just make you even sharper and clearer since Alpha's rooting out some much junk as well.
The whole thing is so deceivingly simple but monumental at the same time..but its the kind of thing one has to really choose and walk alone, or rather from one's own volition,
like here's my WILL my WILL..I don't want to keep going..nooo...yes...yes here my WILL...oh and now its divine will lol...its all just happening...and oh..nice ..it's still my will and more..?? say whaaat?? Its all in the experience..I'm just really excited about something that makes my sense of things flow..so I won't rabble on about it to much...the way I would about good food, subliminals, or a hot yoga chick who likes to put out lol but it just adds a dimension I see as really worth having in my own life.

[RainbowAbyss]

wow-life is really amazing these days,
for the first time it really feels like I can not only survive but thrive in this world doing what I love to do.
I'm almost finished with my certification test, LM (and me)just pulled in two new teaching jobs for robotics, and then a basketball coaching job, all for kids. I'm getting more and more money from training, and the only thinking involved is when I design a program for someone, the rest is just having fun pushing people (nicely of course) .
Right now I am only training athletes so its super fun. I have not put in energy into my succeeding with woman and I could care less, I feel really attractive still and don't even really think about it, I just am able to connect with woman when I feel like it and it turns out well. I'm not becoming more social per say but my deep brotherhood bond and just having a blast with new close friends, and even some oldies, is coming back, and for the first time in forever I feel I don't have to walk my path totally alone (dissolution of latent narcissism or most of my prior friends just not being all that great for me-who knows? lol). My sense of infinite possibility from EIP is becoming more and more grounded in my life, in terms of acting on my sense of vision, desires, and inspiration.
I'm definitely gaining clarity again, which feels fantastic, and I hadn't realized it because I was so good at going through the motions of confident actions-but I had been losing confidence and self belief, now my self esteem and confidence is authentically on the rise again.
My first step was get the consistent income to be financially Independent and then get the excess income to start pursuing my callings and all that is coming to fruition now. WOO! And my overarching goal of living life and progressing in life by following only what felt/feels truly right for me (from a positive, willing, non-apathetic, flexible point of view of course), on gut instinct with some rational and heart, when its around, has been held to as well.
LM is really awesome btw. EIP and LM are actually a tough mix to do together (at least for me), next time I would run EIP with Overcome Fear or ASC, and LM with DAG, or even Aura of Sexiness. Even though my results with both are great, they seem to not quite fit, maybe its the resistance, as I am feeling more in tune with the end goal of both subs.

[Spiral]

This is awesome Rainbow. you've come incredibly far in the last 4-5 months man. Like no joke.

I plan to use EIP with Overcoming Fear after I do gratitude solo.. so next time that may be a good combo for you too.

[RainbowAbyss]

thanks, I am very grateful for both that and your words about it.
Enjoy being the embodiment of gratitude!

[RainbowAbyss]

Great/really annoying story

So there's this chick I've met a couple times throughout the last year when I am out. Lets just call her A.
I've been with some attractive woman in my time but A is way up there, she literally looks like a supermodel, ok maybe pornstar but friendly, 5'2 beautiful-but the really adorable kind, really fit but with double D's, and artistic tattoos all over the place, and she's a philosophy major (like yours truly), and I actually really like her as a person outside of a sexual context. Suffice to say at the end of the night I went with her to some old friends from high school's house and the were really stoned, I wasn't sure where things were going but I don't get stoned and got bored so I told her let's go. She was going to head back to BK but I asked her if she wanted to just get spit a beer at a deli and drink it in my cool 'existential' studio. We ended up in my studio, and at first I was just way too into talking philosophy with her, then I realized a half hour later that I had a smoking hot girl sitting next to me alone in my house... Apparently she mentioned some potential budding other romance of hers in passing during the conversation, but were making out like 10 minutes later anyway.
I start to undress her, basically unzip the thong her whole body is in, and she said she wanted to get naked but only if we could play piano that was in there while we were in the nude. Weird but fun so needless to say.... I was in, so we played piano naked it was quite a fun experience.
Then..we were back on the couch again after that, and things were pretty full blown hot for a while, and then all of a sudden she's snap's up and is like, "I have to go". She's chill about it but very resolute. She basically say's she can't do this now, its 7 in the morning btw, obviously things are not going further so I go to get her a cab, and were talking and she's finding out if her roommates can let her back in since she lent her friend her keys, and apparently her friends were having sex in her bed. She make's some joke about having a threesome cuddle with them and then I find out she's actually had a threesome with them before. I start ripping on her for leaving where we are to go have a threesome and I'm only half kidding, I'm not upset but I am certainly fired up and resolute and trying to get to the bottom of WTF just happened in as honest but political way, since I really only known her for like 10 hours total. She had been mentioning her school work load all night and she said she just has to get back and pass out on the coach and then get to work, and she did oscillate back and forth between super cerebral and super sexual before, really weird combo btw.
Anyway usually I'd feel great about this situation, usually I feel great about whatever happens, but I find myself really pissed right now. A. Because she left all of a sudden after being super into basically doing everything but regular sex, which wouldn't even really care about but B. because she possibly left for something else, I've never experienced this before but just the though of that really bothers me, adding salt to potential wound, this is actually one of the few girl's I would have been willing to date and I can't tell if she just didn't want to give it up the first time and bounced, she actually has work to do and realized it would be 8 in the morning before she got home, or she's a straight up nympho and left for a threesome (but most nymphos would have had sex and then left for a threesome), and she did not know that was going on before she said she had to go..I think. I'm also really good friends with her girlfriend so this is someone who might show up in my life again, and this is the most stumped I've been about this kind of situation in a long time lol.
I'm finding it hard to be objective, because I've been crushing on her for almost a year now and now I'm frustrated so any thoughts on what you guys think is actually the deal and if this is someone worth dealing with still?..any insight, thoughts, or advice would be much appreciated.
I'm certainly not needy about her, and getting this far, with this girl who I have basically wanted to be with since my friend introduced her almost a year ago (I see her like once every few months) was dope but I find myself starting to violate my number one rule of dating/hooking up with girls:
Though shalt not be more invested in anything happening/relationship developing than thine chick with thee is.
Anyway I would be really surprised if she lied but if she did, I'm never speaking to her unless she just asks to come home with me in which case, I'll have sex with her and then never speak to her again except when she initiates for something. I'd say that's the best political move for optimum insurance and self preservation of masculinity (male instincts and aliveness not character), which feels like its taken a blow right now lol, considering my level of maturity, our sometimes shared social scene, her (potential) lack of trustworthiness, and my biological drives.

[Sean]

My advice? Don't fall for her.

Still want to sleep with her? Keep a 3:2 ratio with her for everything that happens. Text her twice for every three times she texts you. Take twice as long to reply to her texts as she does yours. Have other dating options, and be honest with her about them. Make sure that she wants you more than you want her.

[RainbowAbyss]

I'm not falling for her lol, and I've known her for 10 hours total maybe,
'crushin'=..I simply mean she's somebody I would want to be more than sex buddies with, which is VERY rare for me, and I say that as someone who meets a lot of woman and is almost always on the choosing end of the deal.
Thanks for the advice- the basics still apply
I am already seeing several other woman,an issue of honesty about it was irrelevant as it was simply a fun time leading to more fun.
That was the first I've been out with her outside of the lounge I met her at, so we have not even texted, and I certainly don't plan on reaching out to her . I'll either see her out again or I won't.
I was more curious about the WHY of why she left. I like to find out the truth behind these sorts of things, that's how I sharpen my instincts-connected my gut feelings in experience with the knowledge of the facts . I don't care if I ever see her again, I'd prefer it, but only if I know she's honest, I just wanted to get to the truth of the situation, i.e. is she honest?, asap and move on.
Though shalt not be more invested in anything happening/relationship developing than thine chick with thee is= "make sure that she wants you more than you want her". you paraphrased me

[FunkeyMonkey]

When a girl walks out in the middle of something like that, it's a tough situation because it's intense and there is also the fun/intimate element of playing the piano in the nude, and then when you add the preexisting crush on to that, it becomes becomes the Hex of the Wild Porn Star-Looking Philosophy Major with the Artistic Tattoos.

It's like she gave you an energetic 1-2 punch to the ball sack.

You might have to just accept that you will never know why she left, because if you hunt down the answer, you could come off looking like the needy half stalker guy.

And because it actually doesn't matter.

I would just continue seeing your other women and having a good, positive time. Assuming you have one another's number, let her call you or call her in a week or two to say Hi.

It will take a couple days to get over the ball sack punch.

This chick could be more fucked up than you know. Relax and let the chips fall.

[Spiral]

Yes... my son... let the chips fall where they may.

Breathe like the Buddha